Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Hurtforloving 05/08/2014

Hey guys!

I've never wrote on this forum before but a friend told me he has found it quite good.

I am really out of sorts right now. My boyfriend (first and only love) of almost five years left last July for as yet an unkown reason. Things like he was unhappy but didn't know why, he didn't appreciate me etc. but no real answer.
Any way, I have been trying to move on but I have yet to have a full day of happiness. I barely remember what I was like when I was just me.

It's kind of scary and lonely. This is not who I am.

deleted_user 05/08/2014

You need to start by finding yourself again and really need to like or love how you are again. Sometimes when we have a break up we got so consumed in the relationship that we loose who we are. Now it is YOUR time to reconnect to YOURSELF again. Find how who you were before you were with him so you can be that wonderful person again and find love for yourself again. It takes time to do this but you will get there and we are all here to help you through this. Hugs to you, Saltytears

Hurtforloving 05/08/2014

Thank you so much. I have said before but without the people on this site I would be far worse off.

deleted_user 05/08/2014

You will make it sweetie just it does take time and remember YOU are important right now no one else you need to work on yourself. In the end you will feel better, find yourself again, and love who you are all over again. You are not alone honey. : )

Hurtforloving 05/08/2014

I was talking to a friend online about it there and she was miffed that after so long it was still bothering me.

Now I feel bad for being that pathetic

deleted_user 05/08/2014

OMG sweetie you are not pathetic at all it takes us different lengths of time to get over a break up in is like a grieving process and people do not understand that. You are going to go through different stages from anger, sadness, mad, lonely the list goes on and once you get through this then you start working on YOU again and that is to love yourself again and finding who you are again. So don't put yourself down on this. Hugs to you sweetie.

chicadea 05/09/2014

I don't know about a "friend" that makes you feel pathetic for feeling. Smh... You are allowed to grieve and it's not for anyone else to tell you how or for how long. Do what you need for You.

SadNLonly 05/09/2014

OP, my relationship ended in June last year. There was some contact in Sept/Oct/Nov. It wasnt until Nov that my life fell apart. Up to that point I just knew we would get back together.

I still struggle with it. Not as bad as it was. I have good days. I have bad days. I am seeking therapy over it still though.

Part of the issue I think I had was the fact I didnt get closure out of it. We ended due to distance (bs). I think he got cold feet of moving in together, but still, I didnt know. I kept replaying in my head what could have happened, putting blame, etc. Constant memories going through my head.

My sisters dont really understand either why i cant just get past him and move on. I dont think they have really ever lost a love like this either. They have no idea how bad it hurts. i dont think they really knew that I just wanted to die than deal with the heartbreak and memories every single day almost all day long.

I wish there was a timeclock to tell us when the pain would stop. That would be something to look forward to, but unfortunately we each need our own time to heal. The other problem is that is needs to be YOU to help in getting yourself better. No one can wave a magic wand for you and all will be good.

Im really trying hard to stop the memories as they hit my brain and want to get into detail of so many good times. Its hard, but Im hoping little by little they will slow down.

Good Luck. Take your time, Im sure you are much better today than you were a year ago.

deleted_user 05/09/2014

I am here for all of you and you will get through it I did make it from being in one and it was abusive and I still loved him ugh so it takes time but it will get better Hugs to you all, Salty

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