When I asked a very simular question of my Dad who was married to my Mother for 60 yers he told me, "Ask your Mother. She never lies. I know that she knows, right now I'm to busy working hard I know that she knows."

When I asked my Mother she said "Anything of real value requires a lot of hard work. Now get back to work."

Money in marriange is like kids you have yours, I have mine and we have ours, and they are all ours. And so your money is also our money.

This was your wifes said friend. Your wife's said friend would have gone to you wife for money,unless said friend alraeady knew not to ask your wife because said friend knew the answer would be no.

So manipulative said friend goes to friends husband and asks for money. Husband did not allow wife to share in decision to give said friend our money. Consequently wife no longer trusts husband's judgement with dealing with her friends and our money. I believe it to be very logical.

Any marriage requires hard work and compromise, but between two mature and loving people, both giving and forgiving, it should not be a constant struggle. It should not be about begging for love, or having to prove love on a daily basis. There was a movie LOVE STORY in which they said "Love means you never have to say you're sorry..." I DISAGREE. The words "I'm sorry" are so necessary in life. Even when you're married. They do grease the wheels.

the reason why marriage is so hard is because one of the marriage participants is female...

Good question!I always said marriage shouldn't have to be a chore.My marriage seems to be just that.lately anyway!!

Sommer, I don't think marriage has be be hard, and I'm going through my second divorce right now. lol Mate I know what you are talking about, believe me. But I am optimistic that there is a lady out there that fits me. I can't give up hope, I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. Thing is I've learnt that I have to be myself and stay myself when I eventually find a new partner. And I think honesty is the total answer to a good relationship. If I can find a truly honest woman, I'd marry her. Not just honest about routine stuff, but honest about herself, her thoughts and feelings, the very intimate things. If you marriage is getting harder, I think you guys have started to keep secrets, and secrets just don't work.

Marriage is not hard and doesn't require that much work, if you do it right. People think that someone meets most of their needs or expectations, the marriage can work. The problem comes with trying to get the remaining needs and expectations met, that requires all the work.

Marry someone you love and accept exactly as they are and be sure they feel the same way about you. That way wou'll never expect more of each other than you are each happy to give. That way, there is no unfulfilled expectations, no resentments and no trying to change the other person against their will.

Many people think compatibility is the key to a good marriage. It is, but it's more that liking the same kind of music, food or movies. Compatibility means have similiar values (family, financial), and long terms goals. It means connecting not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, spiritually and intellectually. Trust, honesty and communication are key also. If a marriage has these quailities (and there are many more), the relationship is natural and doesn't have to be forced, and it doesn't require work. It just works because.

marriage is about give and take and if you are giving all the time then it is hard... it takes two to make it work but unfortuneately life is hard and times and marriages can be tested... working together, trusting each other, being there for the other when things are bad in their life... communication is the biggest part of making a marriage work...talk to each other... no one can mind read.

I agree...what is SHE doing to prove HER love to YOU? Sounds like you're doing all the giving here, pal...

Just had lunch with wife.

Of course it end up her telling me she is not satisfied with my role in the house.

She had the day off today and she told me that she will take care of the kids this morning. So I got up this morning, took a shower, got dressed, and dressed my youngest at the request of my wife. I looked at the time and saw that I can get to work in time for once and told her that I was leaving for work. I kissed the kids good bye.

Thought everything was ok. WRONG!!!! At lunch she told me that I am not pulling my weight. She was disappointed this morning that I didn't ask her if there was anything else I can do. She mentioned that I only take care of myself in the morning and she does all the work. Every decision she makes she makes sure she thinks of me and the kids, she thinks that all I care about is me and depend on her for everything. Every time we have a talk, she says I keep making it all about myself. Well duh, how would you feel if every time you have a talk its all about what you are doing wrong?

Why is it so difficult to please her? she says her friends think she is easy going. She knows me and what I am capable of doing. She still wants the perfect husband that caters to her every need. That is on her beckon call. She wants a husband that obeys her. She doesn't want me to think for myself. She wants me to be her slave, do this do that, your doing this wrong, you are lazy. that's all I hear when she tries to tell me what she wants of me.

Why did I go back?

I'm feel for you, sometimes in a long term relationship somehow we get into patterns that dissolve that feeling you had when the flame was first started. My advice would be to have a sit down with your wife and before you do, write down some of the things you feel your proving yourself to her for, when you shouldn't need to, but be sure to write things that are possitive about the relationship as well...make the talk important by telling her you want to set aside time for it, and then if you both can talk, make it consistant, you might find that things change, but for both of you it will be work to get out of those habits...

Life can be hard. Marriage doesn't have to be hard but sometimes it does take work and honest effort.

My response to all your posts Somer is this...remove the fault finding. Fault finding is a rut I got into with my husband. When we were in this rut all we did was point fingers at each other and point out the faults of the other person while doing nothing about our own problems.

Personal accountability and responsibility is key. Each person worries about their own responsibilities to the marriage. With practice you can turn the fault finding button off. God bless you and your family.

It sounds like your wife is tired and wants a break. Is their anyway that maybe one day she could leave you a list of what she normally does and you take care of it while she goes and does something she enjoys? It may mean the world to her and it'll also give you some perspective regarding why she's so grumpy by stepping into her shoes for a day.

lol

Maybe even go so far as to make her promise to return the favor next week. :) Just an idea.

Just read your latest comment and wondered if you noticed similar behavior in her parents (mother-in-law has impossibly high standards and father-in-law is usually passive). If her parents are no longer living, has she ever shared what life was like growing up? Any siblings to verify or contradict what she might say about her childhood?

I am no psychologist but the way this story is unfolding it seems she may have some deep unresolved issues with her upbringing that is being played out in your marriage. At one level she may very well want to change behavior but this is the only role model she knows.

Just a thought.

Sincerely,

OldChurchGuy