I think self awareness is important. We bring so much baggage to our friendships especially when we've been screwed over before but I do think that can be an excuse. I mean, there are risks in putting ourselves out there. I guess for me I try to not get hung up on the risk because well, I just chalk getting hurt to be part of living a full life.

Sorry I know this probably isn't helpful.

Hi. From my opinion and experience I found we attract those that reflect us. Drinkers have drinker friends, idiots hang out with idiots, geeks with geeks etc. Unfortunately those who are stand off..ish, shy or distant don't usually have a large circle of friends because ...well...they are stand off..ish!!
Be nice to people and you will attract nice people. If you meet and like someone you could catch up again, your choice, at your pace with who you want. If hopefully a friendship blossoms you can open up, again at your pace. The thing is are you prepared to do it Trooper?
No one should be alone and those who stabbed you in the back are not worthy of your friendship. Trust has to be earned so expecting to trust people when you meet them is asking too much, they have to earn it first so don't give to much away.
Could you call and old friend, go for coffee with a work colleague, join a friends only website, even meet up with family? Small steps to getting out there and building on your social skills. Whatever your choice I wish you the best.
Good luck. X

Hi Shaun, thank you for the great advice.

I agree that trust has to be earned..... You can be friendly with people though to begin with.... That doesn't mean you have to disclose a lot of very personal information
I don't know where you live but in North America there are a lot of MeetUp's for many reasons ... People can MeetUp for a cup of coffee and some conversation or go bowling or to a dance.... MeetUp is free and it might be a good way to meet some new potential friends.... big hug.....xo

Keeping a distance is probably the opposite of what's going to help you form long-lasting relationships with friends and lovers. LOL

Surrounding yourself with people and learning how to play well with others will. It teaches you more about yourself though than it does about others. The experience gives you an opportunity to try out, practice and reap the benefits of creating boundaries. Boundaries are what help us maneuver through the sea of people and leads us on the path to meeting the ones we get on with. Without boundaries, you're but a car with open doors and no steering.

Having boundaries can sometimes be mistaken for being standoffish to those who have lesser boundaries or who don't like the smell of yours, for their own reasons. But to those who have similar boundaries, yours will seem perfectly normal and smell like roses. But boundaries alone don't guarantee longevity or enjoyment of people's company. Kindness, and the ability to tint your glasses with it, in everything you do, can bring a lot of joy and longtime companionship from friends and love interests. And being kind to yourself is priceless, as it sets the precedent.

The experience that you write about, not feeling like you can trust others, can stem from the inability to trust oneself in being able to make a good decision. After making mediocre decisions for a long time, decisive ones become a challenge, and forfeits our chances for true success. It's better to be neutral than to be wrong often gets us nowhere.

Becoming introspective and recognizing our faults, then being brave enough to do something about it, requires a massive amount of self-trust. Most people cower at the monolithic task of facing their skeletons, and brain-freeze at the thought of it. The knee-jerk survival reaction to defend oneself kicks in, and keeps us in mediocre. After awhile, mediocre becomes the norm, and joy escapes us.

Becoming introspective, facing the common denominators, and doing something about it, is game-changing. It opens up a world to you, that you knew existed, but felt was out of your reach.

Wishing you well.