Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I started seeing this woman back in September. Our first couple of months were full of passion. I really liked her. Then in December I stated losing interest, not completely, but I was not sure if I liked her that much anymore. We continued to date and have sex. Four weeks ago she texted me that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her. She wrote other nice things about me, things that someone in love would write. Three weeks ago we went out a couple of times and she was very loving. But two weeks ago everything changed. Her Valentine's day text was HAVE A NICE DAY LOVE. She did not say she loved me or anything else. I had to cancel our date because I was sick. I told her we could try going out the next day but the next day her phone was off and she never answered it. The next day I went to the hospital and we texted for a while. She stopped texting while I was still in the hospital around 9 pm and did not say anything like good night I hope you get better, i love you. She just stopped texting. The next day she texted me to see how I was doing but then she did not answer the phone for the next two days. She said she was getting home very late from work. She told me she has to work a lot more hours now. She had warned me this was going to happen. But since she started working more hours it has been very difficult to talk to her on the phone. She has to work on weekends too so that has meant no dates. She was free this weekend but she went out with her kid one night to a bday party and to a baptism the next day where she spent the full day. I called her and texted her several times but she does not answer. She said she would call me last night but she didnt. She did the same thing other nights as well. She says she will call and doesnt. I am very frustrated today because I cant reach her. I dont understand why going to a family gathering and a baptism means she cannot at least text me. I have been feeling a change in her since Valentines day two weeks ago. Everything was fine until then. Now I barely talk to her, she doesnt say nice things to me like before. When we talk it is for a brief time and all she does is complain about all the work sh e has to do. I text her I love her and she always replies SAME. She does say she loves me. I have a strong gut feeling that I am loosing her. She changed. Something changed. I cannot understand how can someone change so quickly. I also dont know what to do about trying to reach her. Should I stop trying? Should I stopped calling her and texting her? I will text her one more time to tell her I am free tomorrow Sunday if she wants to see me. She told me she could not tell me at this point if we could go out next weekend. She is a nurse and will be on call during the weekend. But in the past we have gone out in spite of that. I feel she is not that interested in seeing me any more. I am very sad. I feel I did not appreciate her for a while and now I really want her back. But even when I was unsure about her we went out and had a great time. One more thing. She had surgery six weeks ago and the doctor told her she could not have sex for six weeks. So we have had no sex for that long. Only dinner dates. She also said from very early on in our relationship that she wanted me to move in with her. In our last date I aked her to please stop mentioning that so often. She mentioned it constantly. I had told her that that was a possibility but I wanted to take things slowly. I feel she doesnt love me any more. Maybe I am being pessimistic. Maybe she is just busy. But I dont think so. I feel I am losing her. She rarely answers the phone when I call her. I have to wait until she calls me to talk to her and she keeps the conversations brief. I really dont want to lose her. It took me a very long time to find someone I liked enough to become involved with.
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What are five scents/smells that instantly put you in a good mood?
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there has been considerable popular press on the social impact of misogyny (hatred of women). misandry (hatred of men) seems socially blessed. poor girl. how right you are to hate the evils of men. never mind that harboring hatred burns holes in your soul. those evil creatures are worthy of all the hate we can muster.i have 5 brothers, 5 sisters and 3 sons and 2 daughters. i hold that misandry is...
Maybe that's what she was doing too. Using you for sex, and now it's just not enough.
Simply because you continued to carry on doesn't mean she's obligated to do the same. Having a sense of entitlement towards a relationship doesn't make it so.
You fucked her why then?
You stopped ENJOYING it but kept HAVING it?
You can't rationalize that you know. She may have felt your disinterest and decided to lose interest herself.
I do love it when you're blunt.
UGH! How sucky to have a guy continue to bang you, while losing interest in actually banging you???
What are you complaining about exactly....you lost interest in her in December....she's just repaying you the favor.
You seemed to only value this woman AFTER she wasnt so interested in you. It seems like a good dose of honesty and communication would be called for in this situation.
Some people love the idea of being in love and some people love the idea of being loved...
For these reasons i prefer to get to know someone before sleeping with them.. Doesnt always happen that way, but here is a good example why.
It is probably on your best interest not to date her.
I agree that it was disrespectful to be banging her while she was making love with you. So, I think they have a point in what they are saying but still, it is a tough time for you right now, so I hope you're holding up ok and don't take the criticism too hard. We are make mistakes.
As guys, we can easily, and in a lot of ways, are inclined to detach emotion from sex. Being mechanical about sex is a trap we have to be careful not to fall into. Women are lucky to naturally connect sex with emotional intimacy, while guys need to make sure we prioritize connecting the two always.
I don't think it's healthy to try to contact someone multiple times and keep trying when they don't reply. They are sending a signal by ignoring you and if you kept trying that only makes the problem worse.
If she will not tell you what the problem is, there is no point guessing. I would have told her something like this-
'I wish we could talk about what's wrong, but you obviously don't want to. I'll give you your space as that what you seem to be telling me by not responding to my messages and texts. I would love to get past whatever is going on here, but you need to want that also and be willing to talk to me. I am willing wait until you are ready to talk about this because you're worth it to me.'
Now you might disagree with some of that but the gist of it is we have no idea what her deal is. She could have this pattern with every guy, and what you did have little to do with. She coul be responding to your behavior. No point in guessing, you have to take responsibility for your mistakes, give her space, and see where it goes.
Based on how described it, it is unfair of her to at least not give you an explanation, especially if you are clearly trying to get her to open up to you. If she doesn't come around after you've given her some space, then you have to move on. Time will have to pass before you can are able to move on, it's just how us as humans process this stuff. Be patient and know you'll get over it.
You know if this doesn't work out that you need to make sure that you communicate more with your next girlfriend and vice versa. Honesty about a relationship is key - if it's about getting your nuts off, then make sure it's clearly defined as a friends w/ benefits situation, but if the two of you are claiming its supposed to be more, put the work in to keep it that way.
We go up and down emotionally in a relationship and there are ways to deal with it. Each person is different. One effective method I discovered is if you're feeling a little ambivalent about the person, force yourself to do something really nice for her that takes effort and work(not just spending money on her)- go clean her house, fix her parents broken doorbell, make a really nice dinner for her. While you're doing that, focus on why she deserves all that effort and anticipate how it's going to make it will make her feel good that you did this for her.
If you can't find reasons why she deserves that special treatment, then you don't value her and you should at least been fair enough to admit to her there's a problem.
Another thing to learn from this is what a terrible feeling it is when someone made you feel insecure and had you guessing and make sure you never do the same thing to someone else.