Sometimes people like focusing on other individual's issues so they don't have to look at their own. If you have actively been doing your part to be accountable in this and she will not recognize that and reciprocate with her own action, then your spinning your wheels. Sounds like you need a new path so you take advantage of what the therapy is doing for you and apply that down the road to a new partner who can appreciate you for who you are. I applaud you for taking an active role to do your part in this. Time to take the next step and cut away the baggage. Stay strong. There is a brighter light once this gets behind you. It's called FREEDOM to choose again.

Until she admits, accepts, takes ownership/responsibility for her issues and chooses to do something about it, there's nothing you or anyone else can do to fix her. Even the best therapist there is can't help her unless she's willing to take responsibility and help herself. In the meantime, she will drain you dry emotionally.

When enough is enough for me would be if a partner refuses to take responsibility for himself and be proactive with working on issues. My emotional health is very important to me and I won't allow toxic people continue on in my life to suck the life out of me.

To me when I read your post it already indicates what your answer is. You've expressed all that you have done and tried and it has not worked. You woke up and came to the conclusion it isn't going to work because she is not willing to change. So to me you have already answered the question kiddo. Timing is everything and I believe your time is up with his lady.

First off, thank you everyone for your responses. I have been meaning to get on and reply sooner but this was the first chance Ive had.

Celticstranger: She claimed that the people didnt give her the level of feedback/support that she needed, which I can understand because I encountered that as well, but she also didnt get really active on the site. Everyone knows that the more you post on others and branch yourself out there, the more the true advice/support giving individuals will come out of the woodwork. In many ways I felt that this was simply a cough out by her, and still do feel this way in some aspects.

The night the argument happened I had actually attended a seminar hosted by a Tibetan monk that studied under the Dalai Lama who was speaking on how to have a clear mind. Then coming home to her bombshell just ruined my whole mood. Im simply letting things come to me as they do. Im a leaf on the stream, just flowing to wherever it takes me at this point. I know that clarity will come to me when the time is right.

Liveto win: The taste of freedom has already graced my lips and Ive realized how much I have missed it. For a long time I was bending to cater to her wants/needs/desires and to make sure that everything was perfect for her that I sacrificed my own thoughts. I recognized my codependent behavior after someone on a support site called me out as being an enabler. I dont want to continue that cycle, so I try to be as cut and dry as possible now.

Leatherandlace: You are absolutely right. She has to be accountable for her actions, which is the conclusion Ive come to these past few days.

She also has to be open and receptive to help, which as I said above I dont think she is. So until she is, I know that she wont be good for me in any way other than friendship. I fight to live each day. I do not want to die and I do not want to give up my fight to survive either, so I have to put myself and my needs above all else.


Katiebell68: In many ways yes I do have the answer before me. But part of me still looks back and wishes I could turn back the clock to happier times or make things work. I understand that it takes two to tango though, thus why I am not rushing into those thoughts when they arise. Im hoping that my life path becomes clear in the next month or two so I can figure out what and where to go with my life. I keep living day to day and with each day I know that I made the right decision because she was forced to start addressing some of her issues.

Hopefully shell become a better, healthier, and stronger person for her future self and whoever she is with in future days.

Its time to bounce. I had similar problems with my current GF. She needed therapy and meds. There was a good 3 to 4 month spread where I was giving her options, and telling her she needed those things, and she wasnt hearing any of it.

Finaly, I told her I was breaking up with her, and she pulled her shit together....just barely.

Sometimes I feel its too little too late, but Im really giving it another shot. Its working so far. We still have our tiffs, but not as bad or as frequent.

So if I were you, and you have tried everything, dont be with her anymore. You two already broke up, so now just stop talking with her.

TylerDurdun: I can't stop talking to her because we share an apartment together. But I have expressed that if stuff does not improve I will ask her to move into the dorms.

I did what I did to make her face reality. I have seen improvement but I don't want to jump into it with her again. The break was mid August, and I don't trust that things would keep improving considering I've been trying to address everything since November of 2011. I also don't know if I want to because I'm wondering if I should date someone else.

Friendship wise we are pretty good, and I want to stay friends as well, which is another reason why I can't just stop talking to her. But she's not the center of my world anymore and I make it known by spending time alone or going out with friends without her.

I'm glad that you and your gf were able to try things again. I guess I'm just still on the fence. I'm not in any rush though, I like how things are now even if I occasionally miss her as my lover.

Thanks for replying. I appreciate hearing from someone that can relate to me with this situation.

I agree with Celtic. You've done your part, now she has to do hers. No one can fix people who don't want fixing.

I had an alcoholic (severe, like he would need detox) BF and one day, in addition to other problems I just said to him that I've worked too hard on my own problems (I'm no pillar of stability and wonderfulness) to get sucked down the toilet by someone else's.

That's really what it comes down to. How much do you respect yourself to not get pulled into a black hole that they want to bring you down into?

I even had one fantastic BF who was driving and said "Ever feel suicidal?" and gunned the accelerator. I had to yell "I'm the CAR!" and I was like, thanks for wanting to take me with you to hell, but you can kill yourself on your own time.

That's an extreme, but it's sort of an analogy: Do you want to be in that car when she floors the accelerator?

Zsa: No, I do not want to be "the car".

I really question whether or not she wants help. I really do. I also know that I can only impact myself so I've given up on getting her to change.

I want to embrace more healthy and influential people in my life so I'm not drawn down by negative people. Thus why I've started seeing a counselor, so I can be happier and healthier.

Thanks or sharing your story with me. :)

yay! You've taken a difficult step but you're moving in the right way. I know it's really tough to feel like you're abandoning someone in need. But that's sort of how people reel us into their problems and manipulate us when they don't want to do the hard work.

Good job!

Look into your heart and see what is left for her and if it enough to continue with the relationship. I agreed witht he rest, nobody can change another person, the teacher does teach if the student don't learn.

Hugs your way