Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I am ready to find that someone who I can settle down and spend the rest of my life with. I am tired of being the casual girlfriend and want something more...
My previous relationship last four years before I realized that the guy I was with did not want to be with me and was just "comfortable" with our set up of 'dating'. I finally left him.. four years wasted.
I told myself I would just be single and it would happen when it happened, that I woud eventually find the one... and I thought I did. Found this perfect guy who made me feel like I mattered, went out of his way to spend time with me and make me feel loved. He talked about us living together, our future together, etc, etc... Fast forward two years and I barely see him except one night a week, and the occasional 15 minute phone call a few times a week. No more talks of living together or a future. I have been exasperated and asked him if he saw a future with me because if not, I need to move on. And he said he loved me and he does... but no talks of the future... nothing. But lots of talks of remodeling his single guy house he rents that is too small for a family. I realize I am starting to lose hope in this relationship and just dont care anymore. I do love him, and I know he loves me... but how long am I supposed to wait? What do I do? Do I leave and hope that my future still has "the one" somewhere in it? Or do I wait it out in hopes that he will eventualy act on this future we used to talk about.
I find myself just focusing on myself and daughter more and more and pulling away. The time we do spend together is the most perfect, natural and good times... but I feel like a casual girlfriend is all I will ever be.
My previous relationship last four years before I realized that the guy I was with did not want to be with me and was just "comfortable" with our set up of 'dating'. I finally left him.. four years wasted.
I told myself I would just be single and it would happen when it happened, that I woud eventually find the one... and I thought I did. Found this perfect guy who made me feel like I mattered, went out of his way to spend time with me and make me feel loved. He talked about us living together, our future together, etc, etc... Fast forward two years and I barely see him except one night a week, and the occasional 15 minute phone call a few times a week. No more talks of living together or a future. I have been exasperated and asked him if he saw a future with me because if not, I need to move on. And he said he loved me and he does... but no talks of the future... nothing. But lots of talks of remodeling his single guy house he rents that is too small for a family. I realize I am starting to lose hope in this relationship and just dont care anymore. I do love him, and I know he loves me... but how long am I supposed to wait? What do I do? Do I leave and hope that my future still has "the one" somewhere in it? Or do I wait it out in hopes that he will eventualy act on this future we used to talk about.
I find myself just focusing on myself and daughter more and more and pulling away. The time we do spend together is the most perfect, natural and good times... but I feel like a casual girlfriend is all I will ever be.
IMHO in a good relationship there are areas where balance is needed. Financially for example; an executive and someone on food-stamps will eventually get to feeling there is some one-way/ness going on.
An OK relationship is where, emotionally, I'd think..there is lots of reciprocity. I mean going half-way.
cheers,
--C .
If you found at least some enjoyment in those 4 years, honey, they weren't "wasted"! Don't ever think of joyful time as "wasted"! You two just drifted apart, that's all. His priorities changed once he became "comfortable" and you want to continue to stir the pot, shake things up a bit. Nothing wrong with either motivation; the motivations have just become different.
Any man who gets with you has to be breeding-minded, has to understand that your biological clock is ticking, has to want kids NOW!