The world is full of decent men but your view of men is tainted along with the view you have of yourself. My advice is to get yourself into therapy to resolve your issues so you can see yourself in a much brighter light, gain self-esteem, become emotionally healthy but that's something you have to want for yourself and you'll have to be willing to do the work. Once you fix yourself, resolve your issues then you'll be able to see men for who they are as individuals, not lump them all into "men are idiots, they all suck" group and you'll see that the world is full of decent men.

Right now, chances are you will attract idiots, men who suck, abusers because that's what you expect from men. A decent man wouldn't want to be with a woman that feels no men are any good, they all suck, they're all idiots any more than a decent woman would want to be with a man that feels that way about all women.

((( hug))))..
If it is of any consolation to you - I had a bf for 1.5 years before we did it all the way and we were somewhat experienced and loved each other and I had the same exact thought that day when it happened: " all this for that??? "
I think many people do not have excellent sex on the first try.
For you it is especially a high probability because you seem to have a deeply rooted anger towards men.
You are going to be OK.. Coming here and admitting you have a problem going on as candidly as you did is a very important step.
I m sure other people will tell you to go to therapy, and it is a good idea but only you can really make a difference in getting yourself to being comfortable with who you are and having a relationship.

It sounds like your mom created some really bad associations for you when it comes to men.
All relationships are not perfect. Every couple has difficulties. Some people are truly assholes, some people have issues and CHOOSE to create a horrible environment in their personal lives. You are hearing a lot of the negatives because people vent.

However, I think a lot of times people either get together for the wrong reasons and then expect to have a normal relationship or they see only the negatives in the relationship they already have.

Your hatred for men is likely a displaced anger, so probably the first step is to find out who or what you are really angry at.
It may be helpful to find out at what age this starts ? Like do you hate teenage boys? Little boys? Old men?
Is there any man that you like as a person? What makes men not human to you?

I good therapist can help you deal with that, but it is also difficult to find the right fit, so you may have to go to more than 2 people to feel them out .
Please don't feel like you are " different" than the rest of the world.
We All have problems and issues.. You are just like everyone else only smarter than many. This is why you will succeed.

You will be OK.
I went through a period when I completely dissociated myself from men as humans when I was very young. I worked it out. You will too.

When you look at a man do you only see through your mother's eyes? hear those old tapes? Do you resent men and constantly blame them for your current situation because of those old tapes about your mom, your birth, your life, your father? And displace all that baggage onto a male person that had nothing at all to do with it?

It looks like you are stuck in a rut of very negative thinking, and must be very depressed, and it's easier to blame strange men than to really sort it all out and make some basic changes in your thinking. It's like a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies.

I am sorry that happened to you. Sometimes ladies put to much on their first time, when the chances are it will not be as good as they heard. It actually takes practice, and not as easy as you think, and with your lack of experience, you thought you would see fireworks. yes as many ladies here will attest to, it takes practice to know your own body, and to know what you like, and for your BF to know you as well. Every woman is different, but your first experience is not usually going to be the best.

I am algas you are being for right, and honest, and admitting you did set yourself up by losing your virginity the way you did in order to hat men even more. I completely agree with what Leather said, and any decent men will not wan to be with you because of of you preconceived attitude towards them.

I ,and many other men can say the same thing about women, but in reality this is not true, and we know this for just because of our experiences we have judged all of women. This is actually how bigotry,and racism starts by thinking your own personal experience is how everyone is. It is not true.

Yo are not going to get over this at one sitting, nor me or anyone here will be able to convince you, for it seems this deep seated resentment towards men has been going on for quite a while, and it will take much work to get out of that mindset. Yo have done the right thing by recognizing this, and admitting this for that is the first step. I do agree that maybe a professional will be able to help guide you through this, and get to the root of the problem on why you really feel this way.

BY the way you are not the only one. I have had long bout in between relationships, and I have been called different names like being called a fag, or people thinking i was gay. It is the stupidity of culture, and the sheep that go along with it. Many in your country that is the way it is, but it doe snot mean it is right or the reality of the world. I am not gay, but I am also not one to sleep around with every woman i find just, because i am a man either. and I think that is what my culture expects me to do, or than i am gay.

I think a lot of these cultural traditions, and thinking are way out of date, and for backwards thinking people in this day of age, but many of them either do not have the intelligence, nor the openness to progress beyond that.

I found out the men who said this about me were actually insecure about themselves and their own sexaulity. They had to be with a woman, because they could not take care of themselves without one.

i have a friend that does nothing, does not cook, does not do laundry, nothing, comes home has his manhattan, and watches family guy. his wife works as many hours outside the home as he does, but comes home , and has to work more hours, and he does not appreciate that how she takes care of him. He can't take care of himself, and at one time he felt bored in his marriage, and was thinking of divorcing his wife, and i called him a a big, selfish, idiot for the above reasons. i said you will not find a woman that adores you as much as she does, takes care of your lazy ass, and puts up with your bullshit, so you need to make it work.

Yeah i tend to be a little blunt, but he needed that, because he is an idiot. LOL i do not beat around the bush usually.

Dear Christiinaki,

Low self esteem and poor self confidence are something that plague many women. I for one know exactly what you're going through. I too would dress down to not get attention. If I heard a guy liked me, I would ignore and be rude to him. All self sabotage and poor self image issues stem from not only poor examples of relationships in our lives but usually due to bad parental relationships (seeking mom's approval, never getting praised as a child, etc.) --- at least that's how it was in my case.

I actually had dealt with this issue until my last yr. of high school and have been a work in progress for the past 11 years. I have a daughter and a husband I love unconditionally and can honestly say they too love me unconditionally. I would wake up crying in a panic because I felt my husband deserved better and wanted better for him. These feelings of insecurity and unworthiness don't go away over night, it is a battle that one must work on daily.

Unfortunately the only advice I have is not one that will bring you instant success but is the only thing that's worked for me. You have to start working on you. Making yourself a priority in your life. Enriching ones self and working toward making you the best version of yourself will help crumble those walls from the inside. It's the only thing that will allow you to manage, attract, want, dream, accept and crave a better outcome for yourself. Not just relationship wise, but in all aspects of your life. Fortunately for me my husband actually became a sort of counselor for me when we first started dating. He was a great listener and help me overcome all of my fears, insecurities and self hatred. That's something that actually helped me and I agree with it's therapeutic principles of being able to pour your heart out to someone, to be in a safe place and talk out your issues and feel in turn that your reasons and feelings are valid. That you are valid.

Working on yourself consists of many things:
1) seeking counseling to be able to talk out your fears, feelings, thoughts on roots of problems, etc. with someone who has the tools to listen and provide validation and advice
2) expand your world: if you live at home, look into moving out on your own, if you have never traveled make plans and dream big of all the places, languages cultures, etc. you'd want to experience, read more, indulge in something that's always interested you but you always felt you didn't deserve because it was too expensive.
3)Learn to dream big: Start a journal and pour out your heart and soul into writing. It is very self stimulating and therapeutic. Also it gives you a chance to start to realize what you want out of life. Of all the things that you envy in others, what are steps you can make in order to turn those qualities into goals you can set for yourself and meet? i.e. you envy that others are so social and outgoing (find ways that you would be able to obtain that quality in yourself --- learning to talk to others when you're alone, taking up a class or fitness lesson of some sort and talk to at least one person in that class.
4)educate yourself: the more you know about something, the more empowered you feel to speak out. Learn about anything that interests you, anything that would be good conversation, or anything you've feared (psychology of your own issues is a good start) so when you do start open conversation about it, you in your own mind can have an intelligent conversation about it.
5) find someone to trust: this is not always possible, but when you do, allow them to earn your trust and confide in them. It is very self fulfilling to see someone else feels your pain and wants better for you.

I hope this has helped and hope you will be able to find inspiration in knowing there is a way out of this hole. You will find there are ways out there to change your mind about yourself and change your self image. Confidence, higher self esteem and all good things will follow. Good luck

First-time sex probably sucks for everybody (it's awkward and you don't know what the hell you're doing or what feels good). In the sex department, to learn what feels good TO YOU, how to get YOURSELF to orgasm, and to not be ashamed or otherwise repulsed by your own body, to unlearn whatever crap was drilled into you by your parents. I think a little self-pleasuring will help you like yourself more.

Also, physical exercise helps me greatly with this. I feel so damn good after some long-distance bike-riding or endurance workouts at the gym that I can't help but feel good about others too. I guess you could say that I arrive at emotional and spiritual happiness through the physical.

It's actually a GOOD thing to put up "walls", because there ARE a lot of shits in the world! But you need to know when to let those walls down too...once you've discovered what actually makes you feel GOOD. Define what makes you feel GOOD, and then you'll know what you're aspiring TO with another person in a relationship. You've got to find some healthy way to get to your own inner bliss, some state of mind and heart that makes you happy. Otherwise, you're at the mercy of continuing to fall into the well of feeling like crap, single or in a couple.

What makes you feel good? As I said, for me, it's nature. It's watching movies, and then critiquing them. I like to write (can you tell?). I like photography. All these things help me find beauty, in myself, my own talent, in others and in the world.

I think you're on the right track with the writing, on message boards like this, etc. Just find something POSITIVE, as well as NEGATIVE, to say. It's important to recognize the negative, yeah, because sometimes the negative is what is the reality, but you've also got to strive for some beauty in your writing prose, because words are powerful ammunition, to your soul. They are your sword...and your shield. You've got your shields up, Captain...now, forge a sword.