Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Hi, - just going to jump right in - I just need some reality checks about a problem with communication. I have been with a man for over a year - 15 months. At first we were just dating but since August 2014 it has been a relationship. We spend almost every weekend together. Have met each others family.
Suddenly one month ago, we had a difficult weekend. We bickered a lot. About others' relationships. About communication between us. A few days later he said he needed to spend the rest of the month alone. He told me over the phone when I happened to call him. He seemed to attribute it to depression - which he has a history of but which I had yet to witness. I asked if we were breaking up but he said "no." He talked about his job which was bothering him.
Since then, he has not seen me. He doesn't want me to come see him. If I text he will respond. but he won't text. He does not reply to emails. He never calls. ( he has never called on phone in the relationship, he will talk if I call him but he never reaches out in that way. he says it is because I once told him I don't like to talk on the phone- I call him about once every two weeks.) I have called him once a week since this started. He will talk, sometimes seem to not want to stop the conversation. I asked if this was a break up and he says "no." I ask if we will see each other again and he says "yes." but not when.
I very well may have said something to upset him - I was holding some feelings inside about him never communicating and they may have come out with hostility - but I keep asking if that is the case and he doesn't give that as the explanation.
I am trying to be patient and understanding. I am trying not to be needy - since he is the one who is depressed. I am trying to give him space. I am keeping myself busy, seeing friends, studying.
Is this lack of communication and explanation acceptable? Is this depression? Is this some other diagnosis? In the beginning of the relationship - we might go a couple of weeks without calling. But usually I relationship is quite passionate and sexy. He once said he was diagnosed with a shade of bipolar II but in over one year nothing else or nothing like this has ever come up. He has never done this before.
Still, is it acceptable that he would totally stop communicating without explanation. When I call or text, he says he welcomes it, but...I am so confused. Should I be worried. Should I ignore his requests to stay away and check on him? or keep giving him space?
Suddenly one month ago, we had a difficult weekend. We bickered a lot. About others' relationships. About communication between us. A few days later he said he needed to spend the rest of the month alone. He told me over the phone when I happened to call him. He seemed to attribute it to depression - which he has a history of but which I had yet to witness. I asked if we were breaking up but he said "no." He talked about his job which was bothering him.
Since then, he has not seen me. He doesn't want me to come see him. If I text he will respond. but he won't text. He does not reply to emails. He never calls. ( he has never called on phone in the relationship, he will talk if I call him but he never reaches out in that way. he says it is because I once told him I don't like to talk on the phone- I call him about once every two weeks.) I have called him once a week since this started. He will talk, sometimes seem to not want to stop the conversation. I asked if this was a break up and he says "no." I ask if we will see each other again and he says "yes." but not when.
I very well may have said something to upset him - I was holding some feelings inside about him never communicating and they may have come out with hostility - but I keep asking if that is the case and he doesn't give that as the explanation.
I am trying to be patient and understanding. I am trying not to be needy - since he is the one who is depressed. I am trying to give him space. I am keeping myself busy, seeing friends, studying.
Is this lack of communication and explanation acceptable? Is this depression? Is this some other diagnosis? In the beginning of the relationship - we might go a couple of weeks without calling. But usually I relationship is quite passionate and sexy. He once said he was diagnosed with a shade of bipolar II but in over one year nothing else or nothing like this has ever come up. He has never done this before.
Still, is it acceptable that he would totally stop communicating without explanation. When I call or text, he says he welcomes it, but...I am so confused. Should I be worried. Should I ignore his requests to stay away and check on him? or keep giving him space?
I suggest using some serious caution. You are 15 months in, not 15 years as a wife.