I know what you mean. It's hard to know anymore and even act on possible relationships (and this could be friendships as well as more intimate relationships).

The world has become very scary and like you said everyone eventually has baggage and damage from previously relationships.

it's difficult to know who you can approach or who may be receptive.

In my situation i would like to date again but i have come to the realization that I don't have the skills anymore. I have put my faith in God to bring me the woman he wants me to be with as I would only fall into the traps i have fallen into in my past.

If it isn't what he wants for me it's not worth it.

Many of us don't grow up with role models in parents who have healthy relationships. There are a lot of books written on this subject. Sometimes we don't have what is called healthy boundaries. Healthy relationships are not chaos filled. Every human has some issues relating to the past or past relationships or past trauma. So you could start to read some self help books regarding whatever issue you are seeking help about or consider seeking licensed clinical therapist to work one to one with you. Welcome to this forum. Nice group of people here.

My role models in life were alcoholics and their parents were alcoholics. I have almost 17 years sober and I go to AA meetings. I'm learning to look at the part I played in past relationships. One common denominator"me";I can't fix anyone but myself. I been single over 6 years.

Good for you, Blanca. You are doing real self introspection not just being a two stepper as they say here. So true, we can't fix anyone but ourselves.

If you are looking for ways to heal the negative from bad past relationships, you might look into CODA meetings or Celebrate Recovery. I found Al Anon very helpful to me in learning about my ex spouse's alcoholism and how my own behavior affected our relationship. My friend suggests Families Anonymous groups for similar.

If you want to understand yourself better, perhaps reading this book and doing the activities at the end of each chapter, The New Codependency by Melody Beatty. Also we have to forgive ourselves and lay the past to rest. Don't forget that many of us suffer trauma with the chaotic home life we had as children.

There is something called the ACEs score, google it. These are adverse childhood events which research shows affects people's health. But sometimes we don't put two and two together. If you feel you have had trauma, sometimes that takes a "trauma based" licensed clinical therapist and maybe something called EMDR.

I admire your question and your journey towards healing. Nothing comes instantly but I do think if we don't fix ourselves, we keep repeating the patterns we hold deeply.

Personally, I find that the simple (but not easy) solution to health in all areas of my life is loving myself. I make a real intension to plan a nice walk often, exercise and eat well. Drink lots of water.
But the big part is to be grateful for the way I am exactly as I am NOW. There’s nothing to fix because, in this moment I am this. I’ve been sober nearly 6 years also and there is always room for improvement. However, rigorous honesty. Everything is ok now. This is a very powerful energy to hold and I find that it attracts the beings that I want in my life.
I’ve been on a few good dates and we sat in silence for a few minutes with full attention and eye contact. This is how you get to know someone intimately. IMHO.

When I first read your post I thought of "humanness" and then I thought of how through "humanness" I found forgiveness and compassion for myself and for those around me.

The ability to see my own human failings and strengths after a life time, I'll be 70 in a couple of weeks...has taught me that I can only change myself and my own circumstances. By using two words Adapt and Accept is helpful for me as I face the challenges in life with all I come in contact with. As FAN stated, the most important thing is to know myself, my own issues, and like me...if I don't like me, how can I expect someone to like or want a relationship with me.

I don't think there is a human alive who doesn't have 'baggage', it's what we Learn From Our Baggage, in my own experience, Carol Myss says "we can choose to pass on wisdom or woe.

Best To You!!

Assuming that those in a relationship aren't plagued by addictions, personality disorders, or some other extra challenge, a healthy relationship is fairly easy to accomplish and maintain. Just use the CHART method:

C - Communication
H - Honesty
A - Appreciation
R - Respect
T - Time

If you maintain all of the above, the rest will take care of itself.

I think a healthy relationship is what you want it to be. And where you can comprise. As well the other person. I also think there are small things that happen that have to be brushed off.

Boundaries are also healthy as well. In my opinion, if someine has to lie or deciet, kick them to the curb

When I come across someone worthy of my concerns, attention, and time, his kindness I valued and appreciated. It felt heavenly and the little uncertainty presented was diminished by the truth found within. I placed aside uncertainty and approached my conversation with the truth in me. Not judging him and not knowing of his own truth communicating with him I knew he felt heavenly in me. It felt like being home and he feels internally sooo good to me.

Something I always say...if you've got breathe in your lungs you've got a gift to share.

If you interested in find a different view in life check out...
Klemmer.com

It's been truly transforming on many levels in my life. No guarantees and I can say if you truly want more from and in your life this is a wonderful tool to start that journey.