I agree with him.....Courthouse wedding.

Have courthouse wedding then small reception for family to celebrate? Maybe at restaurant?
Have do it yourself small cheaper wedding?

Is the relationship otherwise solid? If so, both of you should agree on a compromise about the wedding.

Your friends shouldn't be helping to pay for your wedding. I can see your parents and his parents helping if they choose to but your friends? That tells me you are going to be having a wedding beyond your means. Special day or not, that's unwise and I can see why he's concerned.

The wedding is about you and your fiancé, not about your friends. Start off in that foot first.

Has he explained why he doesn't ?
Sometimes I go back and forth about whether I would want a wedding or not ( if I ever marry again)

I would be ashamed to ask my family and friends to help pay for my wedding "party". If you are old enough and mature enough to get married, you should be old enough and mature enough to pay for it yourselves.

You wrote that he's shy and an introvert..... You are certainly on display if you have a big wedding... I think the quiet ceremony with a party after might be a good compromise perhaps?

I am one of those people who does not like to be the center of attention, so I can see where he is coming from. So often because brides are so excited, they forget it's the grooms day as well. I recommend you keep that in mind.

You can still have a very small wedding without spending tons of money. If you keep it to just immediate family (parents, siblings and their significant others) then you have an out to tell others why they were not invited.

When I remarried, it was just us, our parents and my kids from my first marriage. We didn't even have best man or maid of honor. Then we went to a nice restaurant for a meal and cake afterward. You don't need to keep it as small as we did, just giving an example. It's possible he just fears the unknown and what his responsibilities will be. I bet once the day comes and goes, he will look back at what great fun it was and wishes he did it sooner. (((HUGS))) Probably not as much if it will take months to pay off though.

I zeroed in on your comment ' I think for him its the price of it'. I don't think you should try to second guess his reasons. Why not sit down and start communicating with him? There are lots of alternatives suggested here. The most important thing is to start the marriage off in agreement. :<)

My former spouse and I went to the Justice of the Peace. The lack of money dictated everything. It was the wrong thing to do, rather pathetic-feeling, and no nice pictures of the 'ceremony' because the Justice's office was a pigsty and he was dressed in a wrinkled red flannel shirt and old khaki pants, while we and our parents were dressed nicely all in accents of my favorite shade of blue. Whatever you do, at least don't take the Justice of the Peace route. We went on a ho hum 'honeymoon' just driving to the same old towns we'd always spent time in, within a couple hours of home, and doing nothing special. We had a real basic reception a week later, in a very bland community hall, no décor, no music, and a cake made by my mother in law (who later gave us a bill for the cake mixes and the 'I Love You' banner that hung on the wall, among other things. And again no nice pics in a pretty setting. My then-husband looked back years later and said we should have done it differently. A wedding is important. A honeymoon is important. A reception is important. It's all important, it should all be special. You don't have to spend $10,000 to make it special, you could spend a couple thousand and if you planned things carefully and with the assistance of family and friends as far as planning and décor and so on, then you will have an event to remember. You're worth it, he's worth it, the marriage is worth it.

So, many have given great thoughts on this issue. A wedding day isn't the most important day of your life. So it's not worth going into debt over. But, as someone else said, it's also still a special day that I believe should be treated right. In the Bible times they would spend a week or so celebrating everyday with friends and family that's how special. I know many who didn't have the money and had the wedding in someones backyard. If you knew someone with a beautiful large yard that kind of thing can be basic but beautiful. My husband and I did one of the barn weddings. We rented it for 4000$ and it was rustic and beautiful. There's many options for cheaper but you have to invest time searching and asking people sometimes.

I personally laughed at the person who said to leave him. I don't know what you shared that would warrant that thought. I do think that whether your fiance realizes the value of a wedding or not he should put his feelings of awkwardness aside for one day for you both. If it's only close friends and family there is zero reason for discomfort. When you put the guest list together tell him to pick only those he's comfortable with.

The fact is the type of wedding you plan can show a little of what's to come. If the woman goes over the top for herself, that shows alot about how the marriage will go. If they do nothing special, they'll likely never build much passion. But if you do this together and pick little things that make you both happy and build your wedding upon that, then it will be perfect and your marriage will hopefully go the same way. Marriage is about growing together and working together. So the wedding should be the same. My husband and I customized our wedding to both of our liking. It was really perfect and we had an incredible time. It's a perfect memory for us both and that was the goal.

I got married and it was 5,000, I did it in a friends backyard and did the decorations and everything my self. I rented a tent and dance floor, chairs and tables and got cheap food (every where does catering now; look a chipotle) Are ceremony was short maybe 5 minutes long the mayor of my town did it for us. If a wedding with family and friends is the most important thing do I my way. But if I could do it again I would go to the beach and tell family and friends they are more then welcome to come but have to pay your own way. This would cost you probably less then 5,000 and you get a honeymoon out of it as well.

There's nothing wrong with wanting or having a big wedding and couples should marry how they want to marry, big, small, intimate, over the top, who cares. But it shouldn't trump having reasonable expectations. It needs to come down to very basic things: What can you reasonably afford and negotiating with your fiancee so you both agree on what's appropriate and important to you as a couple.

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