Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Well, not the exact same fight, but multiple fights in very similar situations. He does what he wants to do when he wants to do it and if I ask or give my input, it doesn't change anything. He apologizes, but it happens again, and again, and again. It blew up and we had a huge fight Wednesday night. I had exams Thursday and he just HAD to go out. I just didn't want to be alone, so for once I asked him not to do something. He went anyway. He left me crying, he stayed out an hour later than he said he would, and he came home drunk.
He does things for me, but only the willing things, not when I ask for them, if that makes sense? I'm supposed to alter my mood, balance life, deal with everything, and not ask anything of him? I seriously thought of leaving before he got back, but that'd have made the fight worse. We made up Thursday, I forgave him, it was going to change. Then it happened all over again today. He wanted to play some stupid game while I was doing laundry and he just couldn't stop to spend time with me. He had to do what he wanted to do. I get one or two days a week with him, and then this..
I want the fights to stop, but I refuse for them to stop by simply giving in and being the meek good little girlfriend. I don't ask much, at least in my opinion. And I really don't know what to do. I don't want this to cost me my relationship. I really do like this guy. So, I guess after that long rambling explaination, what am I supposed to do? And how do you think I can fix this?
He does things for me, but only the willing things, not when I ask for them, if that makes sense? I'm supposed to alter my mood, balance life, deal with everything, and not ask anything of him? I seriously thought of leaving before he got back, but that'd have made the fight worse. We made up Thursday, I forgave him, it was going to change. Then it happened all over again today. He wanted to play some stupid game while I was doing laundry and he just couldn't stop to spend time with me. He had to do what he wanted to do. I get one or two days a week with him, and then this..
I want the fights to stop, but I refuse for them to stop by simply giving in and being the meek good little girlfriend. I don't ask much, at least in my opinion. And I really don't know what to do. I don't want this to cost me my relationship. I really do like this guy. So, I guess after that long rambling explaination, what am I supposed to do? And how do you think I can fix this?
deleted_user
That sounds exactly how my relationship was! And it was horrible he did what ever he wanted to but yet only gave a shit when he wanted to. And to be honest we broke up for 3 months and that was the eye opener for him when we got back together it was like i was with a new man. yeah we still have our stupid fights but for the most part we get along great. I know you really like this guy but what i learned is that if you dont put your foot down once and for all and say i am not putting up with this any more and actually do something about it it will keep happening. And i know that it is easier said than done ppl told me all the time i need to leave me boyfriend. and i finally got so tired of it that we spilt and like i said when i took him back it was a new man. sorry i dont have the magic easy way.I am sorry you are going through this though.
koolman
My two friends were in exactly the same kind of relationship, where she gives and he takes. He suffers from bipolar, and she is working two jobs to support him, because he can't face his "social anxieties" and go to work. It got so bad I've pretty much alienated myself from the both of them. You two might be a bit too emotionally mismatched, i.e. you're extremely sensitive and he doesn't like facing his tender emotions. I'd try to talk about it, but, if it keeps leading to fights, I'd be talking with other guys. But first, look inside yourself and ask yourself why you're so needy. Try to relax and find the peace of God there. Sleep well!
deleted_user
I thought I was the only one in a relationship like this. I wish I knew the answer. To be honest, I have thought of suicide as being the ONLY answer. I wish that wasn't the first and most alluring solution to come to my mind all the time. I also wish I was strong enough to just break it off with this man, but I really do love him and don't want to lose him. How messed up is it that I would rather kill myself than leave this guy?! I hate myself. And, I love Jesus and turn to the Bible and prayer for comfort and strength, but I still hurt. I feel like a failure as a person of faith. Anyway, sorry to whine about my own life. Point is, I understand your pain, and I am so sorry. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Good luck.
deleted_user
That was EXACTLY how my marriage was. He was a taker & a user...I was a giver. Turns out he was just giving to other women & his friends. I got out (after 7 years!). It's NOT a healthy relationship. I hated feeling like a dog that would get thrown scraps whenever he felt like it. You deserve more than that!
Join the Conversation