Let me give you all a little history. This woman and I dated 3 years ago, even though she worked a very demanding and time-consuming job which exhausts her. Sadly, nothing's changed in 3 years, and I'm just not happy being her second love that she squeezes in a couple of hours a eeek when not working. Money is clearly her first love. I like making money too, but I don't value money higher than a person whom I'm very fond of.

It's amazing how loneliness can cause us to hang on to things that aren't satisfying for us or that aren't fulfilling our needs.

You'll find that person who will put you first Koolman - you're intelligent, funny, have a good libido (basing that on your threads lol), and overall seem like a good person. And many people on this site have found lots of help and value from the things you say.

Stop beating yourself up over this woman, who isn't giving you what you need, and start spending more time and energy toward what you want - go out to different places, where you might have opportunity to meet more people. Even if it's online to meet some new friends (on the dating sites) and to get preoccupied with other people.

All the best.

Thanks, rose.

Again, this woman's situation is her U.S. citizenship was paid for by her sister's husband, so she's "working it off" and "paying them back". Trouble is, when (if ever) is this debt going to be paid? Or was the deal she simply works until she drops over dead, a lifelong slave? I really don't understand the Vietnamese culture...escape one kind of slavery (Communism) only to enter into another (working for family). Her health has already deteroriated from what it was 3 years ago, she's like a lead fish, tired all the time with no energy. This lethargic quality has rubbed off on me. But there's something about this woman that touches a very deep and sensitive part of my heart...sadly love isn't perfect, but this is intolerably frustrating.

Yes, you're absolutely right, I need to let this woman go (probably even as a friend, because our conversations, even on the phone, are lackadaisical) and get back to exercising and engaging in healthier activities with healthier, fun-loving people.

Well they are very interested in health. Maybe as a LAST LEG stance try getting her into drinking green tea and other energy items, health, jogging and biking together? Let her know that you are worried about her health, if at least on a friend level. People can have some interesting conversations while they are walking together too. :)

HAVE U TRIED TELLING HER HOW U FEEL?

Koolman,

Those are her values and maybe because of my generation and age I do believe women today give away the cow and why should a guy buy a cow if he can have the milk for free.

Koolman,

I feel for her pushing herself work-wise, but that isn't your problem to worry about, lol. It's her choice to have things the way they are in her life, as sad as it may be to see her push herself in this way.

I know it's hard when someone has such an impact on you emotionally, but I think the bottom line is that you feel frustrated and that your needs (even in this "friendship")aren't being met.

Spend your energy toward things that will lead to greater happiness and less frustration for you.

I know it's easier said than done - always is. But it sounds like you know what you have to do, the hard part is actually doing it. I know... I'm in the same boat - that letting go thing... isn't easy. You can do this though - spend more energy toward finding someone who can give you what you want and can give them in return in a relationship.

All the best.

Well koolman, she doesn't want to give away the cow. She's saving the milk for marriage.

Koolman, do you love her? enough to try and work it out? From my own experience I've found that the key to a successful relationship is compromise and tolerance. However, there's a fine line between those two and neglect (of your own needs).

The thing is to decide is there more there than not. If you've got 51% than knowing no relationship is ever perfect, you have to decide if there's hope and the will to put into this relationship whatever is required to make it work - but it has to be mutual, no good if only one person is doing all the work.

You're also dealing with two very different cultures and mindsets, that's always a tough bridge to cross and only adds to the need for compromise and understanding.

It's tough isn't it? hard to decide if the relationship is worth the effort - if it is, than you have your answer, if not - well then, you have your answer too.

I love a lot of things about her; she has a kind, sweet, gentle nature that I find adorable and endearing, and loves to cuddle, as do I. She's like a precious doll in a china shop--it looks pretty but you don't want to touch it or handle it too aggressively or it'll break.

Unfortunately, I've become very physical in the 3 years since our last "divorce", and I think I'm way, way too physical for her at this point. Coupled with the fact that I OVERCOMMUNICATE and she can't seem to find words to express feelings on her end...well, you get the picture.

I left her a lengthy text explaining my needs, as well as "I adore you and don't want to lose you again", and we'll see if she responds.

We talk on the phone and in person, I give her plenty of time to express herself, and she always comes up blank. She did mention one time that she wished she was more...kinda left me feeling guilty, but, yes, I wish she were more too.

Behave: While I respect the fact that she's trying to be respectable, if she's waiting for me to propose marriage, she'll be waiting A LONG TIME, because I'm not going to marry someone whom I haven't been completely intimate with, only to find out after we're married what I already suspect--she doesn't really like sex.

Or doesn't like sex WITH ME LOL. Either way, I'm not going to marry her to find out what I think I already know. Then both of us will go from nice to mean in a hurry.

You psychic too koolman ?

Yep. And a sit-down comedian.

You may be right Koolman. Had I test driven my former husband a little more I probably would never have married him.

Sex is wonderful with the right person. If the chemistry isn't right or there is no passion, what is the point.