Sadly, leaving may be the best thing in the long run. I know it's tough but it takes 2 for it to work. Sounds like you're doing your part, also trying to look out for yourself, better yourself, with counseling. I have been & still in that type of situation. Definitely keep seeing the counselor as long as you can manage...what does he/she think? Your mind will eventually be much more at ease without this "control freak" mentality of his.

My ex was verbally and physically abusive. I actually had a harder time with the verbal. Those words and names he called me all but ruined my self esteem. He would mark the thermostat so he would know if I turned it up. I was scared to leave, too and I had three small children and a part time job. When I told him I wanted to go to college he told me I was to stupid and I would never make it. I finally left. Went to college and graduated with honors. Hardest and best decision I have ever made. If your husband is not willing to change, staying in this relationship will only damage yourself. I am sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is.

Doesn't even want you going to the therapist (for fear the therapist is going to fill your head with useful information to use, possibly against, your husband). He's afraid if you get too independent, you'll leave (which, pretty much, seems to be the way it's headed), so he's attempting to control the money and control your every thought.

"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers..." -Princess Leia, Star Wars

Obviously fear is the reason you're staying. Money isn't really that difficult. Just figure out how much it would take to live in your own place or roommate with someone else. Check the newspaper classifieds in the real estate section. Then find a job that earns that much money or more.

Verbal abuse and being controlling, and when that isn't working well enough to keep you doing what he wants, will it get physical? I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I stayed 9 years too long! Don't be afraid to leave, it seems scarier than it actually is. If you leave in a very short time you will start to feel better, like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. See your therapist and ask about help in getting out of that situation. There is one thing I know, there is nothing you can do to make him change. He would have to want to do that, and seek out professional help on his own. We all deserve to be happy in this life, as long as you stay you are giving up yours. Good luck to you :)

You look him straight in the eye and tell him he is not your Father. You are a 46 year old woman and you will not be treated like this or your are leaving. And mean it!
If he cares about his children and his marriage and you.. he will stop calling you names. Name calling is NOT acceptable. Bullying is not acceptable. He can not control the money. You are a grown woman!! Take your power back. You must not be afraid of his anger or dissapproval. He can be mad, sulk, say anything he wants.. who cares.. just ignore him.. don't rationalize your decisions or try to please him with words just look at him.and leave the room. Now if he puts his hands on you or your property.. that is against the law and your rights as a citizen and you should call the police. But who cares if he is displeased or what he says?? It takes time.. and it's difficult.. but learn to ignore and show him that you will be treated with respect! Unless he is a true monster.. he will come around and learn that you won't be "Edith Bunker and running around trying to please him!!

I lived with this... for 9 years. He bullied, belittled and controlled me. And what's a thousand times worse... I watched him do it to the kids. I can remember the first few times he exhibited this behavior. I cringed inside. As soon as I felt the first cringe, I should have sent him packing. But I didn't. It seems like that decision should have been easy... a no-brainer. However, I can't answer exactly why I didn't do it... or why I lived with being treated like that for so many years. That is the single biggest regret of my entire life. I may never put my life completely back together after the distruction he caused. And even if I do, the scars will be far reaching for all of us. Everyone except for him. He's living firmly in denial and has moved on to a new victim.

Abusers will never see the truth. They will never admit to you or even themselves that they are doing anything wrong... unless they can somewho blame their behavior on you. What they are doing works for them. They lift themselves up by pounding others into the ground. And as long as it works... why stop?

I spent years trying to talk to him. Trying to explain what he was doing. I read books. Took classes. Took him to classes. Took him to marriage counseling. Tried giving ultimatums. Stated my feelings without blame or acqusations. Told him I wanted a divorce (the first 2 times he just refused). I finally packed up his stuff one day while he was at work, piled it in the garage, left a note on the door telling him to find someplace else to live. It was the best thing I ever did.

You've made this your comfort zone. That's why you're afraid to leave. He will never change. Abusers never do. It's how they're wired. Don't waste your life with someone like this.

She said he is constantly putting her down and controlling with money. She didn't say he was beating her. He may not change his impulse to be a butthead... but he can change because she can change the dynamic in the relationship.
It is so easy to say... "my ex was an "Abuser" but lots of the "abusive ways" are just plain ol human nature... Human nature to always want things our way.. to want to be the boss..... If a wife is always giving in and trying to "Please" her husband to make him happy.. the butthead will come out more and more in some men.. and women too for that matter.. some people just are not as kind as other people. It can be changed... not overnight. but in small steps...

I have one word for you: RUN. I feel nothing but sadness for a person like this...all the beauty that they, and apparently you, are missing out on in life.

Sorry to sound curt and to the point but I am a native New Yorker by birth. But please run as fast as you can. There isn't a single redeeming thing that you point out.

Let's hear those from you first...then maybe we can render an opinion from a more informed position? Are there any redeeming qualities?

definition of abuse
1.
to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one's authority.
2.
to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3.
to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4.
to commit sexual assault upon.
5.
Obsolete . to deceive or mislead.