Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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UNEMPLOYED BOYFRIEND

michellelgrd
michellelgrd
i have been with the same guy on and off for 10 years and we have a 4 yr old daughter together. i have to say our relationships probably better than its ever been right now, however we are not living together right now. for some reason we seem to get along better when we dont live togther and i think it has a lot to do with the financial responsibities all on me. the longest job he has had was maybe 8 months other than that its temp jobs here or there never a steady paycheck and i cant ever count on it. that is one of the only issues i have with him, there were plenty of others but he has changed alot and i feel bad that after all he's changed for me that i still have something to bitch about but this is a big deal to me. i used to work two jobs to keep a roof over our head and take care of the baby and keep up with the house work. he would help on occasion but not enough. i just feel like if he really cared about our family he would work at mcdonalds or anything he could get but he doesnt. what should i do i love him but need help?
deleted_user
deleted_user
It sounds like it is important for you that he gets a bit more financial. I am a little like him - always had difficulty making money. I have found for me the only way to get anywhere financially is to pursue the job that I really love. Perhaps the same could work for him? What are his passions?
michellelgrd
michellelgrd
hes in school to be an auto mechanic but he wont finish for another year and he's said to me before he doesnt want to work until he finishes school
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know but to me if you want someone to change it truly has to be up to that person. I noticed one of your comments in your post regarding your b/f that he has changed for you. Maybe that is part of the problem here. To me a person changes because they want to change within themselves if they are doing it to please others a lot of times those changes do not last or they end up being resentful later on. It might be part of the reason he is not helping out in a more productive way as he may feel this is where he can have more control over himself.

In the meantime you know what the situation is and you also sound like you can hold your own. So rather then focus on him changing why not focus on what you know is the best way to have a happy future for yourself and your daughter. I do not know your b/f nor do I know what his thoughts are but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if you have a child to support you need to buckle down and do the best you can to support that child. He isn't the first person to be going to school full time and working a full time job nor will he be the last.

Now mind you I don't want to sound harsh here on him or you but don't waste time waiting for him to decide when he wants to be more productive financially he needs to piss or get off the pot so to speak. Look past him and find other ways to become more financially secure that you know will work. Waiting for him to decide when and where he can be helpful is just not worth you or your daughters time. Best wishes to you and your daughter:)