Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I am married to the loveliest, kindest, most honest, hard working man BUT am struggling to deal with his lack of interest in sex. We've been together nearly 5 years and from the first few weeks we were together I noticed he didnt want as much sex as me. I've stayed with him for all of the other reasons that make him such a lovely person thinking that surely its something we can work on together but as time goes on its getting worse despite having many frank, honest, emotional discussions about it. I like it on average 2-3 times a week, he likes it once a month. Right now its been 5 weeks :-( He knows how much this upsets me as I miss the intimacy that comes with regular sex but he says he simply just doesnt think about it or want it more. I dont understand. i've never met a man that didnt want it as much as possible. I'm willing to compromise and settle for once a week if he can meet me half way but he's not. He says he'll try but he doesnt.Nothing changes, I cant keep having the same discussion with him. I'm so frustrated (emotionally more than physically) and dont know what to do anymore. He doesnt even notice when I'm all over him in bed,never comments on sexy underwear.. it just never occurs to him more than once a month to have sex. Right now I'm being stubborn and leaving it until he tries because I'm tired of being the instigator, I get so hurt that he's not interested. It makes me feel invisible. I've tried every approach you can imagine to get him interested but it never changes. Any advice would be greatly appreciated ???
I think it is time to make a decision. You can not force yourself to feel happy when you are not. The resentment will build up and eventually spill over.
It may be helpful to decide on what you will do when you speak with him. There are only a few options 1. You tell him this is a deal breaker, he changes his ways 2. You tell him, he does nothing, you break up.
3. You offer to stay in the relationship, but he has to gove you permission to have sex with other people on whatever terms are acceptable for both of you. 4. He does nothing, you stay and buy a suitcase full of toys 5. Get married asap, have 5 children who will make you so exhausted, you will forget about sex for about 12 years.
I really hope things will get resolved in your favor.