Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I am married to the loveliest, kindest, most honest, hard working man BUT am struggling to deal with his lack of interest in sex. We've been together nearly 5 years and from the first few weeks we were together I noticed he didnt want as much sex as me. I've stayed with him for all of the other reasons that make him such a lovely person thinking that surely its something we can work on together but as time goes on its getting worse despite having many frank, honest, emotional discussions about it. I like it on average 2-3 times a week, he likes it once a month. Right now its been 5 weeks :-( He knows how much this upsets me as I miss the intimacy that comes with regular sex but he says he simply just doesnt think about it or want it more. I dont understand. i've never met a man that didnt want it as much as possible. I'm willing to compromise and settle for once a week if he can meet me half way but he's not. He says he'll try but he doesnt.Nothing changes, I cant keep having the same discussion with him. I'm so frustrated (emotionally more than physically) and dont know what to do anymore. He doesnt even notice when I'm all over him in bed,never comments on sexy underwear.. it just never occurs to him more than once a month to have sex. Right now I'm being stubborn and leaving it until he tries because I'm tired of being the instigator, I get so hurt that he's not interested. It makes me feel invisible. I've tried every approach you can imagine to get him interested but it never changes. Any advice would be greatly appreciated ???
Of interest in sex. How old are you guys?
My sister's husband is in her 50s and they basically stopped having sex because he has no interest. She chose to stay because she loves him and life would really Suck for her if she left, however it takes a lot of maturity and strength to not act resentful and destroy the relationship. She accepted that it is HER choice so she doesnt flip out on him.
I am not a huge fan of this life style, but i kind of also
Choose relationship over sex if i have to choose. It really sucks.
If you are young, i wouldnt recommend it.
When I was 47 I dated a guy who was only 41 and he was the same way. Rarely wanted sex and I talked to him about it MANY times and just like your guy nothing changed.
After a year I could not take it anymore and I left.
You two are too young to be having this issue.
Tell him you are expecting him to get to the Dr and get checked out.
If he's young, probably porn...
As others have mentioned, it could be a medical issue. My fiance's is not...it is related to stress...but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. Plus, sex is such a wonderful stress reliever...it's like...dude, you'd feel 1,000 times better AFTER so just freaking SUCK IT UP and break me off a piece, seriously! UGH
Would your husband go to the doctor if you made him an appointment and went with him? I know some men are very uncomfortable bringing this subject up with their doctor but maybe if you told him you have one foot out the door or something? Not that I advocate giving him an ultimatium if you aren't at that point but I guess how else do you let them know how serious of an issue it is for you?
I am not willing to break up with my fiance over this at this point but sexual incompatability can be a huge problem in a relationship as you can see. I've also had talk after talk after talk, with promises from him to change...and they never do. Our relationship is perfect outside of this issue. I'm not sure if I'll get to a point where I need to decide if I can handle this forever but, for now, I hold onto the hope that it will improve. But, I actually told him last weekend that there would be NO excuses I would accept this weekend. So, basically, he knows I am expecting sex and will be extremely pissed off if I am disappointed. BUT...that feels just as icky...that I have to freaking BEG and get mad over this shit.
Anyhow, I guess I don't really have any real answers for you. I moreso wanted to tell you that you are not alone and I totally understand how sad and frustrating it is not to have our mates on the same level we are sex-wise. The only way I've gotten my fiance to be serious is to let him know I'm seriously *at that point* where I've got one foot out the door. I would NEVER cheat but it's terrible that it has briefly run through my mind.
Anyhow, I really sincerely hope your husband realizes how serious of an issue this is for you and either goes to the doctor or finds a way to meet your needs...or at least compromise! I'm like you...I'd LOOOOVE 2-3 times a week but, hell, at this point, I'd settle for ONE!
(((HUGS)))