Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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drew4lostluv 02/10/2016

I'm just going to make this as short and as accurate as I can.
I am a very social person and have many friends.
There are 4 women and 2 men that I'm very close friends with.
It seems like all of my lady friends hate each other. Always bad mouthing each other it some times feels like I'm a referee. They all hate my guy friends too. My guy friends don't really care. They're good guy's. We hang out and we all get along. When 1 of the women come to visit my guy friends know to head for cover or make some excuse to leave.
When I'm alone with 1 of the women just hanging out with them, it's cool we get along, no trouble starts. It's just when they're together things get a little uncomfortable. They stay civil with each other but I know in the back of my head that they're both going to be talking bad about each other later on. When I'm hanging out with 1 of them and someone else texts or calls me wanting to hang out they all get kinda upset and whine about me not hanging out with them. I have a PG rating with these women. They all give me great dating advice. They don't get upset with women I'm dating.
It's really strange.
This jealousy women have that only comes with mutual friends is kinda weird. I don't understand it. I'm thinking about not sharing exactly everything I'm doing with my friends. They are just my friends and have no reason to act like they do so I'm only going to be focused on the person I'm with and just not answer my phone when 1 of the other women call.
Maybe that'll work out for me better. What do you think?

JustASimpleGuy 02/10/2016

Why worry so much about what other people think and what may or may not be motivating their words and deeds? Keep in mind it's only your perception, and it might be right, wrong or somewhere in the middle.

It sounds like way too much drama to me, and it seems to me it's your choice whether or not you buy into it and/or feed it.

I agree with ShastaSue. Just be yourself and stop reacting based on your perception of others. Let them be themselves and you be yourself.

One other thing and this is just my personal opinion. When I'm out with others, unless I'm expecting an important call I leave my cell phone home or turn it off. Normal run-of-the-mill calls or texts can wait.

drew4lostluv 02/10/2016

I admit I'm not the nicest guy towards her specifically but I have never mistreated her. Not physically, not verbally. The first time we met she was chill and relaxed for like 2 hours. Then she started showing me stuff on Facebook. I don't even remember what it was but I laughed at something she found horribly offensive. That's when her bad side popped up. Ever since that first day I am judged by a Facebook chuckle.
When my friend asks me to come over and hang out I oblige. She's usually there and a one sided argument almost immediately ensues.
I sit there and she'll ignore me for the most part and then I'll be talking to my friend and she'll start cussing me over something I said to her friend that doesn't even relate to her.
I remember what it was on Facebook now. Some guy was pouring lighter fluid on his hairy chest and set himself on fire.
I laughed and said he deserved it. No the dude didn't get hurt. They smuthered the fire with a wet towl. My laugh and comment made me a evil person in her eyes. I just call it guy humor.

drew4lostluv 02/10/2016

I'm not worried about the 1 chick. I would just like for things to be more civil between us. She is historically funny.
Who doesn't want their friends to get along with each other though?

Autumnal 02/10/2016

She may not really be a bitch, this is just your interpretation of whats happening.

SleepyWalrus 02/10/2016

Personally, that type of behavior would be a red flag for me. In my experience people who act like that can also turn out to have abusive tendencies. I also wouldn't trust someone who tries to be manipulate me by acting that way towards other friends. To me it would seem like they are trying to work their way up to using me for their own gain in some way or another.

Besides, it really shows how little they truly care about you as a friend if they talk about and treat your other friends like that right in front of you.

drew4lostluv 02/10/2016

I personally don't think my friends trying to use me. I think she just enjoys the fireworks. She'll be talking to me bringing up everyday topics and then her friend will start going off on me. My friend starts laughing and then I follow. After it happens I feel bad for laughing about it but why not laugh when you know what's going to happen?
I did message my friend and I told her that I wouldn't be coming over when she's around. I obviously push a fuck you, I hate you button so I figure it's better to just not be around her.

Maybe our mutual friend sometimes brings up topics that she knows will set her off. I don't know. But I do get the impression that it's kinda like picking on her without me knowing when I crossed a line.
Plus why doesn't she get mad at her friend when she's bringing up these possible triggers?

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