Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I'm just going to make this as short and as accurate as I can.
I am a very social person and have many friends.
There are 4 women and 2 men that I'm very close friends with.
It seems like all of my lady friends hate each other. Always bad mouthing each other it some times feels like I'm a referee. They all hate my guy friends too. My guy friends don't really care. They're good guy's. We hang out and we all get along. When 1 of the women come to visit my guy friends know to head for cover or make some excuse to leave.
When I'm alone with 1 of the women just hanging out with them, it's cool we get along, no trouble starts. It's just when they're together things get a little uncomfortable. They stay civil with each other but I know in the back of my head that they're both going to be talking bad about each other later on. When I'm hanging out with 1 of them and someone else texts or calls me wanting to hang out they all get kinda upset and whine about me not hanging out with them. I have a PG rating with these women. They all give me great dating advice. They don't get upset with women I'm dating.
It's really strange.
This jealousy women have that only comes with mutual friends is kinda weird. I don't understand it. I'm thinking about not sharing exactly everything I'm doing with my friends. They are just my friends and have no reason to act like they do so I'm only going to be focused on the person I'm with and just not answer my phone when 1 of the other women call.
Maybe that'll work out for me better. What do you think?
I am a very social person and have many friends.
There are 4 women and 2 men that I'm very close friends with.
It seems like all of my lady friends hate each other. Always bad mouthing each other it some times feels like I'm a referee. They all hate my guy friends too. My guy friends don't really care. They're good guy's. We hang out and we all get along. When 1 of the women come to visit my guy friends know to head for cover or make some excuse to leave.
When I'm alone with 1 of the women just hanging out with them, it's cool we get along, no trouble starts. It's just when they're together things get a little uncomfortable. They stay civil with each other but I know in the back of my head that they're both going to be talking bad about each other later on. When I'm hanging out with 1 of them and someone else texts or calls me wanting to hang out they all get kinda upset and whine about me not hanging out with them. I have a PG rating with these women. They all give me great dating advice. They don't get upset with women I'm dating.
It's really strange.
This jealousy women have that only comes with mutual friends is kinda weird. I don't understand it. I'm thinking about not sharing exactly everything I'm doing with my friends. They are just my friends and have no reason to act like they do so I'm only going to be focused on the person I'm with and just not answer my phone when 1 of the other women call.
Maybe that'll work out for me better. What do you think?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I am curious though, is this the first time you've really paid attention / realised jealousy? I was slow to realise jealousy too, and really only started to feel feelings of jealousy in my 30s.
I think this is just your reaction to these womens communication style...its not up to you to be concerned with their so called 'jealousy.'
I often wonder if some of them like me more romantically but when those kinds of questions start popping up I give that particular woman space or distance.
The first thing that had to happen was to let the negative nancies know that I was not interested in bad-mouthing or listening to any of it, because I was moving to a higher place. The ones who couldn't deal, withered away, and those who could deal, I became closer to. After a few years, I realized that I did a lot of housecleaning, purely by making choices that needed to me made. My house is now filled with friends who like eachother, respect one another, are empathic, and would never stoop to the level of nonsense that I once allowed in my life.
But, I am very much about not hanging out with people who are problem people. It's very normal to outgrow certain friendships, or feel that you need to surround yourself with different kinds of people. Friendship is a choice, not a mandate.
Sounds like the women you hang out with might be lower on the evolution scale. People who display such transparent jealousy as to bad mouth each other as much as they can so that YOU will be made aware of the other's faults. They are hoping by pointing out that the other women are "flawed" you will see that they are better and want to be closer to them.
Jealousy of this sort stems from not having self confidence. People who have self confidence and know they are "all right" don't fear being replaced. they know that every person on earth has the capacity to love and be friends with many people.
What you can do is make sure that YOU are not pushing their insecure buttons. Don't talk about all the fun you had with sally when you're with Ruth. Build Ruth up so her cave man instincts don't go into over drive. If the subject of your other friends comes up, change the subject... as in.. " Sally is so annoying".. You say.. "Oh my gosh, did you get new shoes" lol anything you can to change the subject. Don't engage when the vibes start going south.
I'm a straight forward guy with most people but with my friends it's different. I try to delicately fix certain problems in a roundabout way without addressing the main issue. I might have to just start being a straight shooter telling them exactly what I think without them being able to misinterprete what I'm trying to say.
There's this other thing. My relationship with some of their friends isn't on the best terms either. 1 of my friends in particular has a best friend who can't stand me. I don't know where this hatred for me comes from but it's there. I guess I can be a bit sarcastic and think of a reson to leave when she starts acting like a complete moron but why would I want to stay? And yes I've intentionally pissed her off a few times because I found it to be funny but I never really said anything hateful to her. 1 or 2 words come out of my mouth and she's ready for blood.
I usually get up and walk out when she gets so mad that she can't look at Mr anymore. How can I make this person in particular understand that there's no reason to hate me when I've made it clear that I'm not wanting to be on the war path with her? Lol!
This reminds me of high school so much it's ridiculous.
You're not a chimp wrangler.
If she wants to hate you it's her right. If you are trying to make her angry because you think "It's funny" ... well then you pretty much deserve what you get on that front.
Stop acting sarcastic and be a normal, real person with manners, not so you can get her to like you, but just because that is how you should be.... sooner or later ( probably later, so you'll have to be patient) she will see that you aren't being a sarcastic butt head and she may change her view. but again.. you can only control yourself and nobody is required to like us.
Thanks