Healthy Relationships Support Group
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My boyfriend and I have not been doing well for a while now. Its a long story (but arent all relationship issues). In a nutshell, he works 70 hours a week and we only see eachother one night a week, with a few 10 min phone calls through out the week. The issue I have is that when he says we are going to spend time together he backs out. He never keeps his word. And when we have an argument, he will not talk to me for days and sometimes weeks on end. I can call, text, whatever, and nothing until he is ready to talk.
You can see right away this isnt a healthy relationship. I see it and know it too.
Anyways, a week and a half ago was the straw that broke the camels back. He had once again committed to something and tried to back out at the last minute. This time I held my ground and said, no, you said we would do this, so lets do this. He said okay, fine and acted like it wasnt that big of a deal. So I get over to his house later and he is being a total jack ass. He is pissed that he is having to do something he does not now want to do, and is going to make me pay apparently. After putting up with his passive aggressive abuse, I finally call him out on it which he gets up and walks away. He goes to bed leaving me sitting alone in the living room. This is not the first time he has done this to me. I even tried to go in the bedroom and talk to him, the response was a pillow over his head.
I finally told him, I wasnt chasing him anymore to fix things and if this was what he wanted then wish granted. I slept on the couch and left the next morning... I havent spoken to him since.
I decided I was not going to reach out to him anymore to try to resolve our problems, if he wanted to fix things, he had to come to me to work it out. However, here we are a week and a half later, and I have not heard a peep from him.
At this point, I think I am ready to move on. I am tired of these antics. I am in a relationship but basically live a single person's life. Even though I dont get to see him but once a week, if the emotional connection was there and I felt he genuinely cared, I think I would be okay with the way things are. But since we have started this relationship, it has gone from great to bad, and no matter how hard I try to make us work, it always goes back to the same... him committing to do something or spend time with me and not following through, leaving me with time I took off to be with him, but spending it alone.
I thought maybe if I backed off and left him alone he would step up and try to work things out.. but it just looks like he doesnt give a shizz... at all.
So how do I accept this and do what I need to do and more on?
I think I am still in denial which holds the pain at a distance, but whenever I start to take that final step to ending it, that is when the pain and tears come...
You can see right away this isnt a healthy relationship. I see it and know it too.
Anyways, a week and a half ago was the straw that broke the camels back. He had once again committed to something and tried to back out at the last minute. This time I held my ground and said, no, you said we would do this, so lets do this. He said okay, fine and acted like it wasnt that big of a deal. So I get over to his house later and he is being a total jack ass. He is pissed that he is having to do something he does not now want to do, and is going to make me pay apparently. After putting up with his passive aggressive abuse, I finally call him out on it which he gets up and walks away. He goes to bed leaving me sitting alone in the living room. This is not the first time he has done this to me. I even tried to go in the bedroom and talk to him, the response was a pillow over his head.
I finally told him, I wasnt chasing him anymore to fix things and if this was what he wanted then wish granted. I slept on the couch and left the next morning... I havent spoken to him since.
I decided I was not going to reach out to him anymore to try to resolve our problems, if he wanted to fix things, he had to come to me to work it out. However, here we are a week and a half later, and I have not heard a peep from him.
At this point, I think I am ready to move on. I am tired of these antics. I am in a relationship but basically live a single person's life. Even though I dont get to see him but once a week, if the emotional connection was there and I felt he genuinely cared, I think I would be okay with the way things are. But since we have started this relationship, it has gone from great to bad, and no matter how hard I try to make us work, it always goes back to the same... him committing to do something or spend time with me and not following through, leaving me with time I took off to be with him, but spending it alone.
I thought maybe if I backed off and left him alone he would step up and try to work things out.. but it just looks like he doesnt give a shizz... at all.
So how do I accept this and do what I need to do and more on?
I think I am still in denial which holds the pain at a distance, but whenever I start to take that final step to ending it, that is when the pain and tears come...
You are not that and he shouldnt expect it from you and you shouldnt have to spend your days waiting for him, especially if his two jobs are not bringing you any presents, trips and fun times.
You should be happy. I would probably move on..
You should go ahead, cry, and chock this one up to it was not meant to be. Then wish him well with his breadwinning endeavors, leave him alone at least for awhile, get a job yours, maybe get a job yourself if you're not working (work helps take the mind off this stuff) and pray that the economy picks up so that the hourly wage improves so people can work 40 hours a week instead of 70 hours a week to generate enough money to make ends meet.
In my experience, neglect hurts much more than straightforward mistreatment. I strongly recommend you DO NOT try to repair it, just leave. When people repeatedly treat my time like it is worthless, it's a passive way of saying that they think I am worthless. Things come up, life happens, but if someone makes a pattern out of dishonoring me by flaking out on plans I give them the boot. I used to be more easy going and accommodating, but I noticed that when I had people in my inner circle of friends who treated me like I wasn't important through neglect, my self esteem suffered. Whenever I tried to address it, they always turned it around on me -being "too attached" "too high maintenance" whatever...the worst offenders never took responsibility for their behavior. At this point, I don't even have conversations with people that treat me like that, I just dump them -PERIOD-. You can't change people who get off on disrespecting others so they can feel important and wanted. All you can do is run away as fast as you can when you notice the pattern.
Once I raised my standards, immediately the jerks started to get replaced with terrifically supportive and attentive people - I don't don't even know how to handle all of their kindness and love....it's still a relatively new thing to have high quality people in my life. You should NEVER feel like you have to beg people to include you in their life. It's the most degrading way to be treated, and you shouldn't stand for it.
Believe me, I know the sting of breaking it off with people you love that treat you like crap. Frankly, I still miss the people I got rid of...it takes time to get over people, maybe I never will. All I know is, I can't afford the emotional cost involved with being treated like I do not matter at all. In my case, I had to realize that I have a problem...part of me is wired to try to attain love from people who cannot or will not give it to me...there's nothing wrong with reaching for high-hanging fruit...you just have to make sure the fruit you are reaching for is worth the effort. You know the Groucho Marx quote "I'd never join a club that would have me for a member" - well, there's a lot of truth to that. Some people are just drawn to people who neglect and ignore them. If you realize this might be you, I suggest making a conscious effort to change that pattern. When I raised the bar and got in touch with my standards for how I would like to be treated, everything started to change for the better.
If your "BF" acted like such a jackass, and he hasn't called to apologize or even see how you are doing for a week and a half. I recommend sending him a break-up text. Normally I am totally against that kind of thing, but if you try to meet with him in person he'll probably blow you off again, and why should you degrade yourself by calling him again and again so you can get him on the phone to break up. He doesn't deserve the effort or consideration. Break-up texts were designed for this guy. Make it short and sweet, not angry, not emotional..."Just to clarify... we are no longer a couple... good luck with your life" - that'll do it. So sorry you're going through this, it will get better soon. ((Hugs))
Especially you, keepingthefaithalive. Its definitely re-enforcement for me that I need to end this. You are right, I need to be with someone who treats and cares for me as much as I do for them and will spend time with me.
My dog sensed my boyfriend was a jerk. Hes the only person in my inner circle of friends and family that my dog has not warmed up to. There was definitely a reason, and my sister agreed. My dog does not like my BF cause he treats me like shit.