My husband and I have had a rough time. This last year he had a really involved affair that he even brought the woman to my house to convince me that he should be allowed to keep her and me at the same time. 

We have been together 10 years and married for 5 years. In that time he has cheated on me four times each time worse than the last. Now he is trying to take my son away from me and I have been a stay at home mom most of our sons life. I have given my husband forgiveness many times because I felt like I played into him cheating by gaining weight and not always wanting sex like I did when we forst got together. But I worked at making his life easier by doing everything I could for him. I took care of all the stuff with our son and house. I also made money on the side and paid off all of his student loans (19k) last year by making money on the side. Not one did he say thank you for that or that he was sorry for cheating.

I was told in february when he tried to take our son without telling me where they were going to file an order of protection and divorce so 11 days later I did after he started yelling at my son more and making me feel like it was not safe to leave to even go to the bathroom without my son in the room with me. Since then I have removed everything becasue I felt I was very emotional when I did all the filing due to being 28 weeks pregnant at the time. I have since had the baby and am struggling not to cry everytime I see my husband.

I know him cheating was not my fault and it is really bad but I also know that I want him back but his whole family is very mad at me for sending him home to his parents. I have since asked him to move back home and he says he will not do that because he is loving the freedom to date others. Our son sees my husband from time to time but comes back a real mess for days after seeing him. So much so that he wakes up crying for days and the only way to calm him is to let him sleep in my bed.

What would you do to show someone that you are happier and that you have plans for a better life? My husband always complained that I did not do enough for him even though I felt like the things I did wrong was not be able to have sex with him much due to not fully trusting that he was clean due to sleeping around. The last affair had him going to sex clubs and having sex with more than just the other woman. Another thing was taking too much time with our delayed son. (speech, OT and behavioral) That took almost all of my energy most days. The other problem he had with me is that I did not work a "regular" job. I tend to do jobs that don't always make a ton but they pay the bills that his checks did not.

What can I do to show him I am happier while I am having a hard time holding back the tears most days? I had the baby 3 weeks ago and she is now with her dads (I was a surrogate). I feel happier most days but when the hormones kick in I never know what is going to happen... either yelling or crying. Please help!