I mean, a lot of times I don’t understand my husband. We are just really different from each other, almost polar opposites.

Sometimes it’s enough to just listen regardless of understanding. It’s really hard for people to completely and deeply understand another person because experience and perception is on an individual basis.

Sometimes we literally have to ask someone, what do you need from me to support you. It doesn’t have to be a guessing game, and it’s a tall order to expect someone to just automatically know what we need.

I don’t know your situation but I will say taking care of ourselves is part of it too.

Welcome to this forum, falcon05. You bring up many good issues that people sometimes have with loved ones or friends or just other people.

Yes, spouses and friends are allowed to be different. It makes life more interesting. Can you imagine having a clone of yourself and not ever learning something new from that person? Boring!

What I want from my husband is for him to listen, really listen and not interrupt me like he is constantly doing. He'd rather talk than listen.

The only way you can understand someone is to ask questions and listen and observe them. Get out of our own heads and stop thinking just about how we feel. So when she says something, ask her about her feelings. Never negate her feelings by indicating they don't matter. Ask her to share more about the issue so you can understand.

Consider telling her you feel badly about your communication style. Say "I apologize for X" whatever it is. Take ownership for your own behaviors and communication. That will be a huge thing she will appreciate (I think or at least I would with my own husband). Ask her to give you pointers or guide you in learning to communicate with her better. I've personally had to learn how to apologize in a better or more effective way.

Do you feel depressed or maybe like you need some kind of assessment of something like Asbergers type thing? To understand yourself more deeply? If you are truly a robot, then this is something to figure out in counseling perhaps.

I could be wrong in guessing but what Falcon described above is his need to reconnect with his wife at a deeper level in order to both feel their emotional needs met. He wants to feel alive with his spouse and not like he’s obligated to do so. Am I wrong in saying so Falcon?

Falcon, it sounds like you really love your wife and care about the health of your relationship. Do you not understand her when she gets really upset or just in general when you have little arguments? Does she express her feelings, needs and wants clearly and you don't know how to give her those things or is she confusing you? Has she said she doesn't feel that you understand her? Have you talked to her about how you feel between arguments? It may be a good idea to have a separate conversation about what happens when you argue and not talk about it in the moment so you don't argue about arguing. Been there, it's horrible!

If you're willing to share more about what's happening, I am willing to listen and message with you. I can relate a bit to what you are saying. My husband blocks my needs and feelings and is unwilling to try because he has a lot of deep rooted issues. I am very clear about what I need. Again, I would love to help if I can. You seem to genuinely care.

If not, I hope you and your wife find a way through this issue and grow.
xoxo

I would ask her 'what do you need from me" ??.... I'm sorry that you're hurting.... Big hug... .xo

The fact that you're trying to get an understanding is beyond valuable!!! I agree with Suncloud, communication is key. Don't give up ((hug))

The Buddhists have meditations for developing empathy and compassion and reducing the need to defend our ego.
It’s a deep dive and I highly recommend the effort. In my experience I can’t understand anyone else unless I’m loving myself. Otherwise relationships become like a business deal. You do this for me and I’ll do that…

I've read the previous comments and many people had some helpful tips. I just wanted to add on that even though I do not know you, I hope you can feel some support with this message! :) It's a brave step to share this