Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I feel like I cant breathe, and I cant help long for death, or a way out. Here is a little background about me. I am still studying at university, under my parents house (or I couldnt have a chance to get my degree which is one of my dreams btw), and I have a chronic illness which makes it hard for me to work, in other words I dont have money for myself, which is why I am still with my parents. And I am currently waiting for surgery to take out a huge cyst. And amogst this... my parents relationship is giving me so much anxiety. The anxiety is so severe that it makes me feel suicidal.
I cant help hate my father, and how he treats me mother. He verbally abuses her, calling her whore and bitch etc. And last night he physically hurt her, pulling her hair, taring her clothes and pushing her outside the house.
How can you love a man (even if its your father) who acts like such a monster?
He makes up excuses, like stress from work and all. Oh that he diabetic and yet he is drinking alcohal. is having diabetes even a good validation to act so cruel and brutal? when he is the one drinking alcohal...
He has done things like this to me, not as severe as my mom, but he has literally called me "nothing and Im a piece of shit" because he has to always be right. When I was a teenager, he literally took my phone and smashed it right infront of me... How can I even call this man my father?? He is the kinda person that knows everything and doesnt care. As he says to me and my mom, every day "I dont care" as if we are nothing. And he complains "Im depressed" over nothing... its like he is making himself miserable and everyone around him is being punished for his misery. And my mom is the main target.
I had to finally voice out my feelings to my mom after last nights incident. As this was not the first time this has happened where he literally pushed her out the door, and I am so scared, so awfully scared for my life. And She has this mentality "No, we cant leave him, we have to protect your dad! dont disrespect him"
are you kidding me?
BUT LOOK AT HOW HE IS TREATING YOU and she is enabling it. then who will protect her from him? And she looks at me like im her fcking solution. I really cant handle this shit.. it makes me want to find any kind of escape, that id even opt for suicide.
Why me? why me? why me? And My anxiety is screaming at me that no one cares about my pain. My struggle with my own illness, why do I HAVE TO take care of them? when I have always felt so emotionally isolated and they (my family) seems to bullying me into silence. I feel so empty, I feel weak and helpless and the thoughts of death seems like a tempting light out of the darkness of this house that I have become to loathe.
And my mom is begging me to love him, BUT HOW CAN I?? i just hate him so much. I cant even understand why she loves this monster. how can anyone love such a monster? :(
I constantly feel sick being at home. You just dont know when my dad will snap and become violent. It scares me.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
That would, indeed, be hard to live with, but other people's relationships are not ours to sort, not even when the other people are parents, patrons and/or roommates. When I have found myself drowning in other people's business, I keep the focus on being gentle with their pain and plying lots of self care while I figure out how to get out of ^it^.
Finishing that degree is a sublime way to accomplish exactly that. Keep your eye on the prize. Alanon is a source of self-care which has helped me on the emotional support end of ^it^.
Gentle support while you find what works for you. I don't know *why me?" or why anybody, but. . . It is what it is whether I understand it or knot.
Your mom is enabling him.... I would try to make yourself scarce when this is happening ... Call 911 if you believe you need to
Intervention is a really good show about addiction and what helps or hurts..... This might be a good support for you and if you can encourage your mom it may help her as well
As Arf wrote we can't sort out other peoples' relationships for them even though we'd love to 'fix' it all..... They have to figure it out for themselves
Big hug and a blessing.....xo
I grew up in a home similar to yours. For me the only sane option was to remove myself from the situation so I moved out, struggled mightily financially for sure, took out student loans that took me years and years to eventually pay off, lived in little dumpy places, ate ramen noodles and spaghetti for what seemed like years, but It was worth not having to endure the toxic environment. No doubt the stress from your family is directly affecting your overall well being.
Your parents created their dynamic. It’s their problem to figure out.
Sorry I wish it were different but not all of us get decent families. You have to dig down deep and start making decisions for you alone and your peace of mind. It is not easy especially when there are financial limitations or health concerns. Try reaching out to resources through school to see what’s available. Don’t isolate at home. Start making a plan to get the hell out of there. If that is truly not doable then as the others have suggested, reach out to counselors and groups like Alanon. The support is really important. It will help you see your situation with a new lens. While you are part of your family’s dynamic you aren’t responsible for your parent’s marriage or their behavior. You have to look out for you because they clearly are not capable of it.