Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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Lanaleo15 07/15/2012

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. Ever since I started to have anxiety and panic attacks 9 months ago, i feel like the relationship is not the same. Not from his end, but on my end. He's really supportive and great, but i've turned into the big B. We haven't had sex in months either. At this point I feel really confused in my relationship, i really do love and care for him. But at the same time, i feel like I need to be single to get over all this anxiety and panic attacks. Its not fair to him, but he will not let me go. I really feel like I need to get me back on track, but yet he doesnt want to leave my side. He really is wonderful with me when i'm having a panic attack or borderline of one. And he really has been patient about the whole sex, it really has been a very long time.

deleted_user 07/15/2012

Decide if you want to be with you for him, not looking at yourself as "not worthy" of a relationship. He is choosing to be with you for you and accepts all of you. Let him be with you. You don't need to be alone to "get over" something. Start looking at yourself as a whole person who is deserving. Also the more you fear panic, the more you will have the attacks. Just allow them and they will lose their grip over you. Deciding what is fair or not fair for another person isn't for you to decide. He made the choice, not let him be with you. You would do the same for him. If you do want to continue dating them do so. I would also suggest counseling to work on the parts of you who feels less deserving. Best to you!

deleted_user 07/15/2012

Had a few typos...."now let him be with you" and continue dating him then do so.

deleted_user 07/16/2012

I understand. You need to work on you for YOUR sake, right.

Are you able to handle the attacks on your own?

Lanaleo15 07/16/2012

I've been seing a counselor weekly for the attacks, I dont want meds as I feel this is something i need to do on my own, i know deep inside i am strong enough. Its just taking longer than i thought. I know he has mentioned to me he has been unhappy in our relationship the past few months, but he said he has faith in me that i will get better and thats why he will not leave. I feel like i've always wanted to hear this from a guy and here i am sabbotaging it. I can start to see him drifting from me. As for the attacks, i really cant be alone when i have them.

deleted_user 07/16/2012

CAN'T be alone when you have them?

In this sense you are using your bf as a crutch, much in the same way that you view meds as a crutch. If you can't get thru them on your own, then you're never going to learn how to cope.

Yes, I have PTSD with horrible panic attacks. Yes, I've been through more than my share of treatment programs. All have their own philosophies, but all agree that self sufficiency is crucial in that we don't turn to the same person or thing every time we're in panic as one day this person or thing won't be there and then we'd be SOL. Of course your bf wants to be there to rescue you, but in the end this will hold you back. No, I'm not trying to be harsh, rather this is what I've learned over the course of my own healing.

Lanaleo15 07/16/2012

beyond - you are right,. But realy quick i'm not on meds, i refused them. I am leaning on him to much and not handling it on my own as much as i should have. Tonight was a bad one for me and he didn't want to come over and i felt hurt and wanted to cry. I have 2 cats, and instead they were fighting for my attention(they tend to do this when the anxiety is kicking in) I guess i have lost myself over the years and not being so self sufficeint as i used to be.

koolman 07/18/2012

Maybe it's sex, lust itself, that brings you anxiety!

Are you attracted to him, really? When you look at him, do you get excited? Or anxious 'cuz you're not sure?

You should be excited when you look at him, in a wonderful way, not a way that causes anxiety.

Lanaleo15 07/18/2012

I do exceited and happy when i see him. As for sex, we haven't had it in months. I really just dont want it in general. It has nothing to do with him, It really is me. I am upset with how i look and not happy with it, i know he does not care and thinks i'm beautiful. I'm telling you this anxiety is messing me up.

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