Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
She called as I predicted. I answered ready to tell her this was the last conversation. But she was crying, she told me the lawyer thing was a lie to stop her from getting more involved with me. She said she feels resistance to falling in love with me every time we get closer because her only experience with love has been two very abusive relationships. She feels anger inside and and fear, and she is going to work this out with a therapist. SHe told me she felt she was crying on my shoulder and that she missed me terribly. She told me very loving things. She was elated that I answered the phone. I said I was about to cut all ties with her and she said she would have pursued me until she got me back.
I love her and I want her to love me.
I love her and I want her to love me.
It just seems to me that after all the advice you have been given you focus more on the advice that tells you that you should continue to stay involved with this girl and your focus is so much more on how she is the one calling you now needing support, guidance and advice. I just have to say that does not necessarily make a romantic relationship. Heck a darned good friend could do all that to someone they cared about.
As for her staying in contact with you on fb for 10 months that does not prove to me that she is ready for a serious relationship. In a lot of ways it indicates to me that she is fearful of losing your support not your love. If she truly loved you and you her you both would have already took actions and steps to clear a lot of these issues up long ago. You would both be totally connected with each other in a positive healthy way.
Your needs from this relationship are so focused on proving your point to get her to change her ways and love you the way you want that I think I think you are just as afraid of losing her her as she is of you. The problem is that to me that is not a healthy way to be in any kind of relationship. So maybe it would be a good idea to talk with a counselor yourself and explore your feelings on what you truly want in a relationship not with her but with anyone.
If you truly look at the broad spectrum of this all the advice and support you have given her has not really made any major changes in how you both are with each other. If that were the case you both would be happy and feel loved, safe and secure with each other. Be her friend if you want to but also make sure that you are not missing out on all the great things life has to offer you in the future.
The only way I can see any progress to be made is when you realize that you need have some balance here and know the differences between addicting habits and fear of losing someone. Your demands and threats of leaving her is not a way to get her to love you the way you want. Anyway when I look at your situation most of what I see is an exhausting way to live your life. I hope that at the very least you consider that and realize that sometimes you need to take a different road as hurtful as it may be. Good Luck and I truly hope you have the courage to get some guiidance and support from a counselor.
Yes, being aloof just to get her attention, knowing that pursuing her will drive her away, is, quite frankly game playing.
Game playing really has no part in a HEALTHY relationship.
Maybe you need to post in the dysfunctional relationships forum? Sorry, I couldn't resist.