I will just say that by reading your posts so far that this girl is not ready to be in any kind of serious relationship with anyone right now. It sounds like she needs to work a lot of things out with a counselor and for right now it sounds like she is a bit co-dependent on the relationship you have with her. Showing her that you will not settle for anything less and that you can move on without her is not really going to change her ways or make her love you the way you want her to.

As hard as it is right now I really think you need to give her space and time to sort her life out and you need to work on giving yourself the time to date and allow yourself to focus more on enjoying life and spending time with good friends. To me you should never have to try and change someone to make them love you the way you want. When the right one comes along there will be no doubts from either party.

Anyway at the end of the day you will have to decide what is best for you all I know is that when a relationship starts out unhealthy it only tends to get worse as time goes by. I am not saying that maybe somewhere down the road that things won't work out between you but her calling and begging you to give her another chance is not healthy. I would rather see her saying that she has issues and just can't be involved in a serious relationship right now.
That would be recognizing the problems and being honest for both you and her.

Maybe at some point you can even attend some of the counseling sessions with her if she is in agreement with that. In the meantime give yourself the time to adjust to having some space between you both. I hope this will be of some help to you. Wishing you the very best.

I wish you the best, but honestly, this relationship isn't healthy in the least.

I believe that I predicted this would happen...

You've been given some really good advice on the forum, but still want to ride this train wreck until the end.

I don't think anybody can give you any more advice on the subject.

Good luck with whatever you do.

Follow your heart and intuition. If you love her that much and feel you can deal with her issues, go for it! It all comes down to how much you love her and willing to deal with everything.

Seriously, how can you trust anything she tells you? First there's a lawyer she's in love with, now it's a story she made up........which one is really the truth?

She's unhealthy and until she becomes emotionally healthy, the relationship cannot be a healthy relationship. Just her saying she would pursue you until she got you back back is a very unhealthy statement.

myronlong do you really think so? I am so confused by all the advice I receive telling me she will not appreciate or love me if I stick around. And yet I spent two days of hell of no contact. She did too. I am crying as I write this. I do love her so much. Shit.

Gabriel, Only you can decide what is right for you. If you HONESTLY believe that a relationship full of manipulation, deception and games (not to mention drama, chaos, angst and possible depression) will fulfill you, welcome her back.

However, if you want a healthy relationship, based on honestly, respect, trust and love, one that will empower you and allow you to be the best you can be, I think you know what your answer is.

And yes, I realize the pain of making the right decision for you will most probably be agonizing. But when you make the right decision, one day you will wake up and realize that you hurt just a little bit less than yesterday. You have begun to heal. And grow. And are on your way to becoming a better partner for the right, healthy relationship.

I would also suggest that perhaps you need to look at what you feel you deserve. You mentioned you have a health issue, chronic fatigue. Do you feel you deserve less than from someone and that other's wouldn't be interested? Is that why you are holding on so tightly to this woman who sounds like she has a hard time being alone with herself and her own demons from her past. Are you making your decision based on this? Or possibly it's better than being alone. That is something only you can decide.Whatever choice you make, you have to make it work for you. Best to your decision!

Oh and I'm sure you are confused by our advice. It sounds like you have already made your decision. Just stay with her and know that she comes with "issues" that you have to be willing to accept. You know full well what you are getting into. Sounds like if you move forward you have to let her know she must attend counseling and if she feels like pulling away she must let you know that and find out what her triggers are and you both have to work with them. Give it some time and take it slow and know in your mind that you are giving it all you have an if it doesn't work out in 6 months or so, then atleast you tried. You also know that everyone has "baggage" that we carry around from our pasts and no one is without some of that. Relationships are about compromise and what you are willing to accept or not accept. You can only make the decision for you.

The last comments have been extremely helpful. Thank you for your advice. I thought of giving this a shot for 6 months and if nothing changes then move on.
One thing intrigues me. When I did not answer her for two days and she was agonizing over that she went into Badoo to look for other men. She then realized how many sleazy men are out there and she quit. But if the issue is that she is not ready for a relationship now, why go into badoo, or why did she pursue me for 10 months on fb before I paid attention to her?

Maybe you should see a therapist to see why you feel so attached to such a nut job of a person. Love aside, healthy people choose healthy people. I am beginning to wonder what is causing you to hang on instead of parting with love and moving on... I have cared deeply for people that I have had to get away from because they are self destructive and take down all of those in their vicinity! Don't let "love" blind you, friend, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Or are you attracted to the drama, the excitement of her chaos? Chew on that.... I believe we all have issues, but you have to find someone that matches you, tit for tat. If its not balanced there is something funny going on... So are you her match after all? if not right now, you will be in time. We change in relationships, they are dynamic. Don't let her poison you. If you are already as messed up as she then figure out what it is and work on it because I see only misery in a future with her

Thanks for reminding me that healthy people choose healthy people. I feel I am not the confident person I was before I got sick. I was very needy when I was very sick but now that my health has improved a lot I feel a lot less needy. Nevertheless, my current feeling of love was developed when I was needy. And i am still not completely recovered. I have been asking myself why I continue to be with someone who is ambivalent about her feelings due to her history of abuse. I have a healthy love history. This is my first experience with an abused person. So why do I do this? Love is definitively blinding me. You are right. I have to be careful. I chose her and fell in love with her when i was needy and sick.

I just talked to her and I am back craving for affection, something from her that tells me she feels something for me. I failed to be aloof and distant. I want someone to whom i can tell her I love her and hear the same thing back. I seem to have two choices, either wait for her to see if she develops those feelings for me or go find someone else. Both will take a long time and that I don't like. I guess either way I will be without that someone I crave for a while. With her at least I have someone who calls me every day and we have a good time. But it is hard to not get any TLC from her, or very little because she is scared and angry at men. Why did she go into Badoo then when I did not call her? Why did she chase me for 10 months in fb?

Gabriel.
Oh my....I am so sorry to say this, but this woman is very very sick.

You ultimately have to do what YOU want, but I agree with everyone else here. She is FAR from healthy.

Good Luck to you.

@gabriel

You're going to go through these feelings until God presents someone better in your life. All this advice you're asking for is not going to change anything. You and I know your mind is already made up, that you're going to deal with her and all her ways trying to make it work. Just do me a favor... If she decides to go distant again, leave her alone for good!

For the first time in our relationship she is doing the calling, not me. She called me crying today because she had to hospitalize her son who is having psychological problems. She called ME because I am the person she calls when she needs support. My question is, should I give her a follow up call to see how she is doing or keep being aloof and not calling? It goes back to the issue of looking weak in her eyes, or just a friend, but my nature is caring, and I feel like an insensitive asshole if I don't call her. What should I do?