Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
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How can you place expectations on another person or yourself in a relationship if you havent taken care of yourself first?
In other words what are you bringing to the relationship that is un-resolved, and is a potential threat and risk to the relationship? What quality of you do you bring?
Unless you bring a healthy you to the relationship, the relationship itself cannot be healthy.
All of the baggage, the bad memories, the uncontrolled self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors are already destroying any potential for a healthy relationship that you might attempt to engage in.
We all have them, and we all do that. We all expect the other person to have their stuff together when we do not ourselves.
Work on you first, develop and cultivate the quality of you before you enter into a relationship. A person who is self aware, self confident, self assertive, self loving and self accepting isnt likely to pick a loser for a mate. If you want a healthy and successful relationship then be healthy and successful within yourself.
What kind of person does a dog walk up to, to get its head pat? The kind of person who would pat a dog on the head. Why? Because the dog knows.
If you are in a commitment like a marriage, then get into a group or counseling that is group oriented and start working on yourself with the support of a group. If you are in a non-committed relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) then shut it down and get out of it, so that you can get to the business of attending to you. Invest in the quality of yourself.
What ever the quality of you that you bring to the relationship will determine the best possible quality that the relationship will ever attain. If you are not at your best then the relationship will be no better than that.
Do you want to get into and have a healthy relationship; then start working on you now. Deal with the past and be as thorough as possible. Leave no stone unturned. If you neglect any skeletons in your closet they will come out.
The whole purpose of dealing with the past and the horrible things that happened in our childhood is to fix the error of how we processed what happened. When we were a kid we processed what happened to us as a kid. That is all we were capable of and we did our best. Now as an adult that processing gets us into trouble. The problem is that we are still processing those things as a little kid and not as a rational adult. To fix that we go back into them as a rational adult, see what happened as a rational adult and reprocess them with a rational adult mind and then bring them forward into the present, no longer processing those things as a little kid. Easy to say but it takes the commitment and the heart of a gunslinger to do.
If you want help then go to www.fhu.com (get the meditation instruction) or www.americanmonk.com (get the free video lessons) to find methods of dealing with all of that baggage and be free of it. I have used the method in www.fhu.com with great success. This method has Christian slant to it. American Monk has an eastern flavor but they both accomplish the same thing. Im sure there are a lot of other methods out there that are just as effective.
What is the quality of you and how can you improve it? If you dont want to fix the past then dont expect much from any relationship. The quality you have to put into a relationship is all you will get out of it.
Once you can have some sort of success dealing with the past how do you increase your worth in a relationship?
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9
How can you place expectations on another person or yourself in a relationship if you havent taken care of yourself first?
In other words what are you bringing to the relationship that is un-resolved, and is a potential threat and risk to the relationship? What quality of you do you bring?
Unless you bring a healthy you to the relationship, the relationship itself cannot be healthy.
All of the baggage, the bad memories, the uncontrolled self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors are already destroying any potential for a healthy relationship that you might attempt to engage in.
We all have them, and we all do that. We all expect the other person to have their stuff together when we do not ourselves.
Work on you first, develop and cultivate the quality of you before you enter into a relationship. A person who is self aware, self confident, self assertive, self loving and self accepting isnt likely to pick a loser for a mate. If you want a healthy and successful relationship then be healthy and successful within yourself.
What kind of person does a dog walk up to, to get its head pat? The kind of person who would pat a dog on the head. Why? Because the dog knows.
If you are in a commitment like a marriage, then get into a group or counseling that is group oriented and start working on yourself with the support of a group. If you are in a non-committed relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend) then shut it down and get out of it, so that you can get to the business of attending to you. Invest in the quality of yourself.
What ever the quality of you that you bring to the relationship will determine the best possible quality that the relationship will ever attain. If you are not at your best then the relationship will be no better than that.
Do you want to get into and have a healthy relationship; then start working on you now. Deal with the past and be as thorough as possible. Leave no stone unturned. If you neglect any skeletons in your closet they will come out.
The whole purpose of dealing with the past and the horrible things that happened in our childhood is to fix the error of how we processed what happened. When we were a kid we processed what happened to us as a kid. That is all we were capable of and we did our best. Now as an adult that processing gets us into trouble. The problem is that we are still processing those things as a little kid and not as a rational adult. To fix that we go back into them as a rational adult, see what happened as a rational adult and reprocess them with a rational adult mind and then bring them forward into the present, no longer processing those things as a little kid. Easy to say but it takes the commitment and the heart of a gunslinger to do.
If you want help then go to www.fhu.com (get the meditation instruction) or www.americanmonk.com (get the free video lessons) to find methods of dealing with all of that baggage and be free of it. I have used the method in www.fhu.com with great success. This method has Christian slant to it. American Monk has an eastern flavor but they both accomplish the same thing. Im sure there are a lot of other methods out there that are just as effective.
What is the quality of you and how can you improve it? If you dont want to fix the past then dont expect much from any relationship. The quality you have to put into a relationship is all you will get out of it.
Once you can have some sort of success dealing with the past how do you increase your worth in a relationship?
When I came to gether with my partner, S/O , hubby.....we were both a mess....met at an A.A meeting I was 13nth stepped LOL. But I was responsible for agreeing to it! At present we both are seeking individual healing and will be in partner sessions. How do you keep the I in the we You know. One should never loose themselves to the other! I have no control over him nor he I. (this is the goal) No one can make me feel this way or that way etc.....we are trying to respect eachother mindfully. hard with passive aggressors and addictions etc plus my ED's etc....humanism playing tricks on us but ha! We will have the last laugh!
compassionately we seek the loving in all.
Even though it is as hard as peeling a grape or seeding a blueberry! LOL
sherose
SHEROSE