Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I haven't been in what feels like a "real" relationship in quite awhile. I've dated a lot, had traveling companions in other cities, and explored things that I knew weren't going anywhere for a few months at a time. I was head over heels for my ex, but we ended up being too different to make it work, and that (combined with another very long-term ex who lied to me for 3 years) kind of convinced me that relationships are futile.
Problem is, I'm a hopeless romantic in a cynic's body. I met this new guy recently, and he is amazing. It's freaking me out. Everything has been going pretty well (only 3 weeks in, but all the pieces falling into place), but every time he kind of drops off on the communication or I feel like I'm putting in more effort than he is, I get really obsessive and anxious. He seemed standoffish yesterday, so I breezily asked him if he even wants to keep hanging out, then I felt like a possessive weirdo. I'm usually a very independent person happy in my own solo skin, so the feeling makes me disappointed in myself. It makes me want to distance myself, which is the pattern I get into that probably sabotages all potential relationships for me.
So what do I do? How do I maintain my balance of self-sufficient solitude while pursuing this relationship? How do I find out how he's feeling about things without asking him questions that make me seem possessive? I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to seem like I'm into this more than he is.
Problem is, I'm a hopeless romantic in a cynic's body. I met this new guy recently, and he is amazing. It's freaking me out. Everything has been going pretty well (only 3 weeks in, but all the pieces falling into place), but every time he kind of drops off on the communication or I feel like I'm putting in more effort than he is, I get really obsessive and anxious. He seemed standoffish yesterday, so I breezily asked him if he even wants to keep hanging out, then I felt like a possessive weirdo. I'm usually a very independent person happy in my own solo skin, so the feeling makes me disappointed in myself. It makes me want to distance myself, which is the pattern I get into that probably sabotages all potential relationships for me.
So what do I do? How do I maintain my balance of self-sufficient solitude while pursuing this relationship? How do I find out how he's feeling about things without asking him questions that make me seem possessive? I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to seem like I'm into this more than he is.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
In my experience, a man that is truly interested will communicate with you in some way every day.
No matter how busy I am, I always find a way to reach someone I care about.
When you asked him if he wanted to keep hanging out, how did he respond?
I will say that when my husband and I first started dating, we didn't talk every day (this was before texting was a thing). But we did start seeing each other at least once, twice a week and every other weekend (due to having his kids every other weekend). I don't think it was because he wasn't interested in talking to me. I think we were just making sure we still had our own time to ourselves, until we figured where things were going. Within a couple of months, it was clear we were very much together, expressed our feelings openly to each other and so things kind of took off from there.
If he freaks out, then it is not meant to be.
If you wait, there are a few things that can happen
- he can meet someone else and drop you
- it sets a bad tone for a relationship where you are afraid
To be yourself because you are afraid to lose him. Do you get what I m getting at ?
i never wait for anything. If a guy bails on me instead of having an open conversation because I am being honest and direct, I don't any this kind of a guy.
I hope things work out in your favor! You deserve the best.
And if you're good at it, you can justify just about anything to make you believe all is well. Be careful of this, it's how many people get themselves into situations and relationships that should have never proceeded past the first few interactions.
Seeing is believing, and making up reasons for people's lack of something or other, is a reflection of your inability to accept the truth.
I wish you well.
I think if you really want to know what's what, you have to just come out and ask him how he feels or what is intentions are, like Aronia recommended. There's a risk to just sitting back and seeing where it goes, and there's a risk in point blank telling him you want to be exclusive and does he. It's all a risk. If you're not willing to risk anything either way, and just stay in the "what if" hell hole, you're going to have a hard time with every guy you meet.