Healthy Relationships Support Group
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yup I have posted about my Husband before - too many times!
I wanted some input and advice on how to cope when we go out together socially.
So we went to a friends 40th party, all was ok. It was quite casual. I felt I looked good and was relaxed and looking forward to some fun. Although I don't usually like these things with him as I find his behaviour stressful so I was trying to just go with the flow.
2 things he does which really annoy me, and embarrasses my children, they leap to my defence and Im sure it doesn't help their attitude towards him at all! he is a rubber-necker. Every girl who wafts past turns his head. Gee my guy isn't subtle either! I call him out on it but he denies everything. Its tedious and I find it disrespectful. I mean I know we all look but hey, be a bit discreet about it. And when I am out I expect to have my guys full attention.
The second one is when we are dancingmy H is 57, I am 47. We can dance , and dance well, we do Ceroc and usually spend the night on the dance floor. He will sometimes wiggle down and go to rub his face in my breasts! Yeh really. And he also wiggles and dances behind me and pulls up my skirt. He also has a habit of wiggling his two middle fingers kind of waist height at me! Jeeez!
I tend to ignore it but last time ( and the times before!) I pushed him away and gave him 'the look'. but I carried on dancing. He got really cross and said I always over react and show him up! ( one time I told him to have some respect and got mad)
so what else can I do - he is just being himself. He wasn't drunk. This is how he is I know that. But I really am baffled at his incomprehension of my disgust at this ! Its so disrespectful. Especially in front of my children. Why doesn't he get it!!!!
I wanted some input and advice on how to cope when we go out together socially.
So we went to a friends 40th party, all was ok. It was quite casual. I felt I looked good and was relaxed and looking forward to some fun. Although I don't usually like these things with him as I find his behaviour stressful so I was trying to just go with the flow.
2 things he does which really annoy me, and embarrasses my children, they leap to my defence and Im sure it doesn't help their attitude towards him at all! he is a rubber-necker. Every girl who wafts past turns his head. Gee my guy isn't subtle either! I call him out on it but he denies everything. Its tedious and I find it disrespectful. I mean I know we all look but hey, be a bit discreet about it. And when I am out I expect to have my guys full attention.
The second one is when we are dancingmy H is 57, I am 47. We can dance , and dance well, we do Ceroc and usually spend the night on the dance floor. He will sometimes wiggle down and go to rub his face in my breasts! Yeh really. And he also wiggles and dances behind me and pulls up my skirt. He also has a habit of wiggling his two middle fingers kind of waist height at me! Jeeez!
I tend to ignore it but last time ( and the times before!) I pushed him away and gave him 'the look'. but I carried on dancing. He got really cross and said I always over react and show him up! ( one time I told him to have some respect and got mad)
so what else can I do - he is just being himself. He wasn't drunk. This is how he is I know that. But I really am baffled at his incomprehension of my disgust at this ! Its so disrespectful. Especially in front of my children. Why doesn't he get it!!!!
I just wondered how you would deal with it?!
I have tried having a quiet talk but tbh I am at a loss at him doing these things in the first place!
but anyway here I am trying to find a way to turn this negative into a positive. Maybe I am 'over - reacting'?! but I don't like it and he knows that, he knows it at the time then the next time we go out he does it again! We have had these talks many times. When we used to go out dancing he was always physically pushing me towards guys and making them dance with me, it was mortifying!
He needs to learn to be respectful.
While reading some of this it made me think of my boss. He has absolutely no social filter and does not know what is disrespectful behaviour. I had to threaten him with a sexual harassment suit in order to get his attention. You may need to take some kind of drastic action to get your husbands attention as to what behaviour is just not acceptable in public. Some men just have no clue. and need to be taught somehow.
My 32 yr old nephew has never been on a date. Maybe hed like to date, but too afraid to approach someone be rejected (theyd have to approach him first).
FWIW, both love videos games (very common for those with ASD).
Autism, does have a genetic predisposition (more common in males, and has a stronger paternal link). I just dont think this is your husband.
Im not an expert, but he sounds more like a narcissist. Perhaps if you knew what he has (I believe has something), you could better understand how to deal with it. Me, I'd leave him, but I know that's not something you feel you can do.
Like you say whatever it is , is his issues.
Maybe he's just a bit thick!!!
x
Words do not seem to work. I think the only way to deal with it is by behavior modification.
For example - he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions. If he does something inappropriate and you say stop, then you may want to try withdrawing from the situation, like leaving the dance.
If he speaks to you in a rude tones, state: " this is not how i want you to address me" and do not respond until he speaks to you exactly how you should be spoken to.
He came in from work the other day and the first thing he said WAS - WHERES MY DINNER, WHY ISNT THERE ANYTHING FOR ME TO EAT?!
Well I have had flu and really didn't feel up to making him any food as he had his main meal already at lunchtime, and I had fallen asleep!
his brother is very much the same, its the way they were brought up. Its like the 50's or something. He sits there expecting me to get his warm slippers and pipe! His brothers wife says she had the same battles, until she got cancer and was too ill to do anything, now he does his share. It doesn't cross my H's mind to do his share. He sees it that he works and I look after him. Thats a bit extreme though! His attitude is like, I am there to please him in whatever way he wants - didn't they used to call that a male chauvinist pig!!!?
Did you get up and make dinner?
I also don't know your whole story, so maybe you answered this, at some other pt, and I missed it.