Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
yup I have posted about my Husband before - too many times!
I wanted some input and advice on how to cope when we go out together socially.
So we went to a friends 40th party, all was ok. It was quite casual. I felt I looked good and was relaxed and looking forward to some fun. Although I don't usually like these things with him as I find his behaviour stressful so I was trying to just go with the flow.
2 things he does which really annoy me, and embarrasses my children, they leap to my defence and Im sure it doesn't help their attitude towards him at all! he is a rubber-necker. Every girl who wafts past turns his head. Gee my guy isn't subtle either! I call him out on it but he denies everything. Its tedious and I find it disrespectful. I mean I know we all look but hey, be a bit discreet about it. And when I am out I expect to have my guys full attention.
The second one is when we are dancingmy H is 57, I am 47. We can dance , and dance well, we do Ceroc and usually spend the night on the dance floor. He will sometimes wiggle down and go to rub his face in my breasts! Yeh really. And he also wiggles and dances behind me and pulls up my skirt. He also has a habit of wiggling his two middle fingers kind of waist height at me! Jeeez!
I tend to ignore it but last time ( and the times before!) I pushed him away and gave him 'the look'. but I carried on dancing. He got really cross and said I always over react and show him up! ( one time I told him to have some respect and got mad)
so what else can I do - he is just being himself. He wasn't drunk. This is how he is I know that. But I really am baffled at his incomprehension of my disgust at this ! Its so disrespectful. Especially in front of my children. Why doesn't he get it!!!!
I wanted some input and advice on how to cope when we go out together socially.
So we went to a friends 40th party, all was ok. It was quite casual. I felt I looked good and was relaxed and looking forward to some fun. Although I don't usually like these things with him as I find his behaviour stressful so I was trying to just go with the flow.
2 things he does which really annoy me, and embarrasses my children, they leap to my defence and Im sure it doesn't help their attitude towards him at all! he is a rubber-necker. Every girl who wafts past turns his head. Gee my guy isn't subtle either! I call him out on it but he denies everything. Its tedious and I find it disrespectful. I mean I know we all look but hey, be a bit discreet about it. And when I am out I expect to have my guys full attention.
The second one is when we are dancingmy H is 57, I am 47. We can dance , and dance well, we do Ceroc and usually spend the night on the dance floor. He will sometimes wiggle down and go to rub his face in my breasts! Yeh really. And he also wiggles and dances behind me and pulls up my skirt. He also has a habit of wiggling his two middle fingers kind of waist height at me! Jeeez!
I tend to ignore it but last time ( and the times before!) I pushed him away and gave him 'the look'. but I carried on dancing. He got really cross and said I always over react and show him up! ( one time I told him to have some respect and got mad)
so what else can I do - he is just being himself. He wasn't drunk. This is how he is I know that. But I really am baffled at his incomprehension of my disgust at this ! Its so disrespectful. Especially in front of my children. Why doesn't he get it!!!!
I have to wonder why you stay with him?
I am not being a smart ass by asking that. I really am curious.
Because to me you seem like a very nice and bright woman.
So....Why do you stay with him?
How much happier would you be without him in your life?
He sounds like such a buffoon. But then again I don't know him.
Well we are married and I believe in working on issues and resolving things. Yes it would be easier to chuck it all in and leave but I think its best to work together and try and create a better relationship. He is kind hearted and generous and allows me to be who I am.
We have only been together 2 years so we are still a work in progress.
!
What will be will be, I feel this is worth working at, at least so I can say I tried!!!
hi onetoomany! Hope you are ok! xxx
This sounds like it's about boundaries and respect, on it's most basic level. You said, "I don't like that, it embarrasses me" and he still does it.
I guess another conversation with him about respecting you is in order?
In either case, I send you lots of strength and hugs...
Onetoomany, I didn't know you knew the word "plethora". ha ha, just kidding!
He needs help and saying it's just the way he is doesn't cut it because it bothers you...that's what he's being disrespectful about...your feelings!
Tell him in no uncertain terms to straighten up or else he has to go to therapy
Two reasons :
1. My man is not going act like an ass in public and embarrass me
2. I will not subject my children to feeling hopeless and powerless while some guy belittles their mother in public
Sounds like he is just having fun, and probably has been that way his entire life. Just go with it, let your hair down and have FUN! Accept him as he is. :D
and thanks for the compliment on my avatar! It is my new logo for an art enrichment programme I am starting so it means a lot to me!
The issue is really, he just doesn't get it. He doesn't seem to get things at all! Its like he can't process it or something. I used to say its like he was brought up by bears - he really seems very dense when it comes to social behaviours and the like. he has a special needs son who is Aspergers and his last marriage broke down when she wouldn't let him remortgage the house to start a youth club! But she also had made him have a test for aspergers too which was the final straw!!! Makes me laugh as we all say how much he is like him!!!
I even have a notebook I write things down for him in, he is very forgetful.such as 'I paid the gas bill' 'move wardrobe' etc. He always gets very cross and denies me asking him to do things so we now have THE BOOK!
I just need a way to get through to him.
The next day he said to me, its ok honey I forgive you for getting cross with me last night. I wasn't polite in response!
We try to laugh at these things but seriously they piss me right off!!!
My son, my 2 friends have husband who have Asperger syndrome but all 3 of them do not exhibit the kind of inconsiderate, controlling, rude behaviors that your husband does.
He still need to have limits set... I m sorry if i am being critical, it's just if you are " laughing off" bad behavior, it is giving him the green light to keep going.
If there is Aspergers in the family, he could have some disorder that goes deeper than just a personality problem. Even more evidence that you can't change him.
Only you can make the decision to keep him or kick him to the curb!