Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
bellehandle
Suprisingly, I trust my boyfriend. I have known him for multiple years and throughout all of his girlfriends, he's cheated or been inappropriate with every single one of them. His first girlfriend, who he was head over heels in love with, he cheated on pretty steadily, but still treated her well (APART from the cheating). When he finally decided to commit to me, I was thrilled and also felt like he wouldn't have bothered to commit if he didn't want to be in a relationship in the first place... I gave him the ultimatum in a way that made him lean towards the whole "if i'm going to date her, i'm going to go all in". Since then, I've felt like if he didn't want to be with me, he would just break up and then cheat. I am SO good to him- I do a lot for him, sometimes when I'm over I do his laundry, clean his house, and loan him my car on some days. He says he appreciates this, but our communication is not good. Every day I wake up and wonder when or if he'll contact me. Weekends are my biggest stress, because I feel like he wouldn't want to hang out with me and would rather hang out with his friends, so I feel super needy and stressed out asking him to hang on a Friday night or downright texting him and seeing what he is up to in the first place. We talked tonight and he told me he was happy and how pretty I looked last night when we were together. I have an app called Snapchat (for those of you who may not be aware of what it is) and it's basically a platform for sending pictures which automatically delete from your phone (you can only view them for 10 seconds). You can send them to people in your friends list, and you can see who your friends are snapchatting (it displays the top three names of the people they send photos to the most). Well, I just looked at my boyfriend's snapchat, and I noticed a familiar name. This one girl has popped up several times before on his snapchat best friends list, and I've initially become suspicious. Once, I confronted him casually about it when we were ON the subject, and he kind of avoided eye contact and said "oh that's weird..." and then changed the subject completely. I've heard about this girl's reputation as being a major slut (for lack of a better term), and she looks EXACTLY like the girl my boyfriend would go for if he were single. I can totally picture them sending each other inappropriate selfies, but I don't think he would go as far as cheating. I just have that feeling. When I see this, and then pair it with not hearing from him for the day, or feeling like I have to track him down and text him and stressing about seeming "needy", I totally feel like something's up. Granted, I've asked him if he wants to be in this relationship and if he's happy, and he always says yes.... in my opinion, I've given him plenty of opportunites to get out of it if he wants to. I just feel brushed to the side in terms of social priorities- and he really fluctuates. Some days, he's totally into me, and other days he's cold and doesn't make an effort to talk. I have severe anxiety and sometimes major depression thinking about what he does at night when I'm not around. I've known him as a single guy (we used to hook up) and he for sure made his rounds around town. This girl was also recently added in his facebook friends, which makes me all the more suspicious.
All this being said, Snapchat is a little wonky. They claim their best friends are updated by the people you send pictures to the most in the past 7 days. However, sometimes if you send a person a photo right before the servers update, it'll just throw them in the best friends category. I sent this guy ONE snapchat and he was in my best friends, just coincidentally because the servers updated and he was the first person I sent something to in the new cycle. My boyfriend's had this girl in his best friends list MULTIPLE times. I like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it's just by this small chance that he's catching the server as it's re-updating, and he isn't snapchatting her a lot. A LOT of my guy friends are friends with her on facebook, but I have never heard about her from him at all. She definetly isn't a close friend of his. I don't usually see him texting her when we're together, and I don't really think he has time to cheat, and he lives with three other guys who happen to be my good friends so I feel like he'd feel guilty having them watch that. HOWEVER, I don't think it would stop him from sending innapropriate pictures with this girl.
I am trying to approach this in the most logical way possible and put aside my emotions. I'm no stranger to cheating boyfriends, and in times past I've always been right. I really like this guy, and don't want to freak him out or seem crazy at all. I have a tendency to focus way too much on him, obsess and sit around for hours waiting for him to contact me instead of taking care of myself. Part of me wants to say "so what... you're more attractive than her (which I am)....trust him and be done with it. The truth will surface eventually" but the other part of me wants to scream and cry every time I see her name under his best friends. If I confront him, he'll know I've looked at his name in particular, and it will definitely give the impression of the whole jealous girlfriend I'm stalking your social media accounts type of thing. But I also want to make it known that I'm aware of this and find it disrespectful. If he has a girlfriend, why should he be snapchatting this girl? I've never heard her name and I've met plenty of his girls who are friends. The last thing I want to do is push him away by showing that I care and that I've been keeping tabs on the girls he talks to- but snapchat essentially allows you to send pictures that are deleted in 10 seconds or less. I am so torn. Is it worth it to confront him? We have been dating for three months, and I think we are just nearing the end of the "honeymoon" stage, and he feels as though he doesn't need to talk to me as much or spend as much time with me as he does with his friends. He just tonight snapchatted me a video of himself inside a club and it upset me. I'm tempted to delete my account and forget about this all together, but I really like using it with my friends. I just don't know what to do. Am I blowing this up? Or is it actually suspicious? Should I confront him?
All this being said, Snapchat is a little wonky. They claim their best friends are updated by the people you send pictures to the most in the past 7 days. However, sometimes if you send a person a photo right before the servers update, it'll just throw them in the best friends category. I sent this guy ONE snapchat and he was in my best friends, just coincidentally because the servers updated and he was the first person I sent something to in the new cycle. My boyfriend's had this girl in his best friends list MULTIPLE times. I like to give him the benefit of the doubt and think it's just by this small chance that he's catching the server as it's re-updating, and he isn't snapchatting her a lot. A LOT of my guy friends are friends with her on facebook, but I have never heard about her from him at all. She definetly isn't a close friend of his. I don't usually see him texting her when we're together, and I don't really think he has time to cheat, and he lives with three other guys who happen to be my good friends so I feel like he'd feel guilty having them watch that. HOWEVER, I don't think it would stop him from sending innapropriate pictures with this girl.
I am trying to approach this in the most logical way possible and put aside my emotions. I'm no stranger to cheating boyfriends, and in times past I've always been right. I really like this guy, and don't want to freak him out or seem crazy at all. I have a tendency to focus way too much on him, obsess and sit around for hours waiting for him to contact me instead of taking care of myself. Part of me wants to say "so what... you're more attractive than her (which I am)....trust him and be done with it. The truth will surface eventually" but the other part of me wants to scream and cry every time I see her name under his best friends. If I confront him, he'll know I've looked at his name in particular, and it will definitely give the impression of the whole jealous girlfriend I'm stalking your social media accounts type of thing. But I also want to make it known that I'm aware of this and find it disrespectful. If he has a girlfriend, why should he be snapchatting this girl? I've never heard her name and I've met plenty of his girls who are friends. The last thing I want to do is push him away by showing that I care and that I've been keeping tabs on the girls he talks to- but snapchat essentially allows you to send pictures that are deleted in 10 seconds or less. I am so torn. Is it worth it to confront him? We have been dating for three months, and I think we are just nearing the end of the "honeymoon" stage, and he feels as though he doesn't need to talk to me as much or spend as much time with me as he does with his friends. He just tonight snapchatted me a video of himself inside a club and it upset me. I'm tempted to delete my account and forget about this all together, but I really like using it with my friends. I just don't know what to do. Am I blowing this up? Or is it actually suspicious? Should I confront him?
In my opinion, I don't understand why people use snapchat unless there's something they're trying to hide. Why would you send something that needs to be deleted after sending?
Good luck to you