Here is a bit of background. I grew up in a small town and when most the people I grew up with became adults they all moved into the small city right beside the town. My best friend, Dee, is married to a man named Scott. My spouse, Joey, is Scott's cousin. We have a pair of mutual friends, Sam and Jon. I run a day home and care for Sam and Jon's one year old daughter, as well as Sam is a hair dresser and she does my hair.

Dee and Jon were having an affair. I knew about it, and I didn't agree with it. I never hid my displeasure, and I tried to talk Dee out of it. I kept it all to myself and never breathed a word of it to anyone. Minus Dee who would call or text to talk about it all the time as she was in the new stages of the affair and it was daring and she felt wanted etc etc etc. She told me and two other close female friends.

I am not a Jon fan. I think he is immature, wishy washy and a liar. I told her I wasn't a Jon fan, but as she was very much involved with him she defended him and bashed Sam.

I never told Scott as I didn't feel that it was my place. They were having some serious relationship issues and I figured either they would work it all out of else the relationship would end. With or without me. Here is where I should state that Scott has previously cheated on her. Not making excuses for her, just throwing that out there.

So now, up to date. Sam did my hair on a Thursday. She asked if Scott and Dee were still having relationship issues. I said yea, she was their friend as well, and it was no secret. Then she made a comment about Jon starting a new job and how he was glad so Dee would stop texting him because he thought it was almost like she wanted to have an affair. I just shrugged and said she text him because they have been friends for ten years. End of that convo. Either Jon really said that or Sam was suspicious and fishing.

Friday morning Sam text Scott something. I'm not sure word for word. But Scott lost it and accused Dee of cheating and told her he wanted a divorce and yada yada yada. Well it came out that she and Jon had kissed, but as far as her husband knows that's as far as it went.

He told her she was no longer allowed alcohol, to see me, to go out alone, to talk on the phone without him in the room, to go on Facebook unless he was beside her, and he got to read all her texts at the end of the day.

Now she is pissed because she thinks I told Sam. I didn't say a single word. I never asked to be put in the middle, and now that it's coming to surface, which I told her would happen, she's livid. It hurts a lot actually, that she would accuse me of that. What probably happened was she erased her texts from the affair with Jon but not me....and Scott went through her phone. But she believes that Jon would never say anything but that I would. The guy who wears the skirt in his own relationship, who she has been sleeping with for two months, over her best friend who has been there through thick and thin for 20 years. Who has never told a secret and never lied to her.

And it's akward between Sam and I when she drops and picks up the baby from my care. Though they are still bringing her so that has to mean something....even if it just means they haven't found alternate care yet.

She called me all secretly at 10pm on Monday night to ask to talk to me face to face on Tuesday morning. She had posted on Facebook Friday that she was taking a step back from the world and wouldn't be on the computer or her phone, and anyone needing to get ahold of her could call her hubby. She claimed that the only reason I wasn't on her door step asking what was wrong was if I had something to hide. I knew that Scott had found out by then, and I know she would do anything to save her marriage to him, so I assumed she needed some time with just him to work shit out. I wasn't hiding anything. But then her kid got sick and her husband did a 'suprise' drop in at home so we never got a chance to talk.

I can't sleep, eat or concentrate. She is more like my sister then my sisters are. And to think that she thinks of me like she does. Or that I may lose her over this bullshit when I did nothing wrong. Plus, her husband is immensely petty and if he thinks I had some great part in this he will forbid her to see me. We went two years once only talking in the dead of night and her lying about where she was going to see me. I was the affair!! And that was over something his crazy ass family made up. Now I really did hide the affair from him, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and she is my best friend. I can only imagine the seven rings of hell that will be raining down on me.

I don't understand how I got here. I mean, I get how I got here, but why didn't I try to do something more to make it so this wasn't the outcome for me. It feels like I committed some heinous act, not her. I am VERY against cheating. And I still can't tell my SO because Scott doesn't know all the logistics. If it was all out in the open I would tell Joey every last sordid detail. But my life is already hellish without that occurring.