are you kidding? who doesn't love to be completely dominated in every aspect of their lives! kajira for the win!!

to be honest i wouldn't really mind the restaurant thing since it relieves the awkwardness of me having to go "ummmmm idk do you like this place!!!" but yeah idk about being totally controlled i would probably feel suffocated and flip out

I don't think that a man has to be an asshole to be alpha. There can be a great sense of security in knowing that your man is taking charge... provided he is also showing high regard and respect for her. There is a difference between making dinner plans, not consulting her, telling her what to wear in a tone that indicates that she is his ornament... and making dinner plans which don't need her consultation because he already knows this is her favorite restaurant, and letting her know that this dress couldn't be any more stunning if it were on a supermodel (because SHE is all he has eyes for)... its all tone...

The roles have largely been reversed, but I think a major part in why women have felt the need to become soooo domineering and overbearing even at times is not only because men have held women under thumb, but is equally because men have failed to lead effectively while assuming the leadership position.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a man being a strong leader and a woman finding joy in submission to him. I think it can be a very comfortable relationship IF both parties truly operate within those perameters... but if he is a dictator type, she will resent him... and if he is all ego hype and no true power to lead effectively, she will have to step up and take the reigns.

The short answer is that only the people involved in any relationship can decide if the relationship meets the needs of both...

I'll tell ya one thing that irritates the piss out of me is a man who can't make a decision... "I don't care... where do YOU wanna go to eat?" I'd love it if a man took me to dinner and ordered for me without me seeing the menu... if I love what he ordered, then I know he 'gets' me... Only someone who has paid attention to me will know how to order my dinner.

I don't think a man as you described has to be a villian. He could be. But a true alpha isn't only looking out for self... a true alpha keeps the whole pack safe, balanced and fed.

Problems arise when two people are both alphas....

Opinions are like assholes. Right?

Real men don't feel the obligation or inclination to be assholes. Only assholes believe that acting like one works.

Being an alpha male doesn't require being an asshole or feeling the need to have harems. But then, you can be an asshole and be an alpha male. It just doesn't necessarily go both ways.

The right woman is going to tell you what she wants. Don't game her by trying to "give her what she wants".

I once was friends with a guy who ended up getting remarried to a girl whose idea of marriage was a lot like this. He was the man, and she was submissive. All decisions were his responsibilty.

I always thought it was a cop out. It's hard being the responsible one...who makes all the decisions.

That said, in SOME areas of our lives, it's nice for someone else to take charge...then all we need to do is to show up. But it should go both ways.

i think a woman wants a man to be masculine but also respect her thoughts and wishes, but me personally like a man to know that he will defend me too.

but a man who is a little sensitive is good too, but being masculine is a good thing to me without it being over the top. has to be a balance

This is such a tough one. I ponder this just about every day, actually. I've NEVER been attractive to women and I attribute some of it to physical aspects but also some to my personality.

I'm known by my friends as being that typical "nice guy." But, it seems like the "Nice Guys Sleep Alone" saying is very accurate. Women don't seem to want that--they want the asshole instead. And, I'm not capable of that.

Here's a funny story: My sort-of SO introduced me to a couple whom she is friends with the other night. I was nice to them and tried to be warm with them, which is how I treat everyone. Later, my SO told me that BOTH of them thought I was gay! (she reassured them that she knows first-hand that I am definitely NOT gay). I asked her if she had any idea why that was--people have said that before to me. She said she thinks it's just how friendly I act that causes it...

The funny thing is I see all the time about woment wanting a "sensitive" man. I am sensitive--maybe too much sometimes.

But, they also want someone who will defend her. Ok--my stbx and I were in a club about a year ago and a drunk guy about 3 times my size tried to make moves on her--I politely asked him to stop. He refused. I put him on the ground! It took SIX bouncers to eject this guy! I may be small, but I will fight to the death to defend a woman--especially one I care about! Even my stbx was completely shocked at how I handled the situation!

I guess there's a fine line between nice and "alpha" and the trick is finding out where that "sweet spot" is that women like. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll ever find it!

I used to believe Alpha Male in a society like ours came down to the power to provide. That is a high money maker which I was long ago. So looks, personality etc came second to being successful and able to give houses, cars, let partner stay at home if they wanted to.

Now unsure still paying bills but not going into corporate jungle fighting, killing, hunting etc.

So when do you lose Alpha stiil same brains, looks ( Ha) man. But a warrior is judged by his battles. No?

Well, there's Alpha Males, and then there's Alpha Males!!!
I think that's what's going on when you see so many women going for the 'bad boy' types!!!!
Why would a woman be so attracted to a guy who essentially treats them like crap? (And this is not an indictment of ALL 'bad boys', some of whome are quite decent human beings; but in this instance, I AM referring to the ones who tend to be 'rats!!!')
Sure they're egocentric, self-serving, and even a bit ruthless. But back in the day (the caveman days!!!), these were the pricks who were going to come out on top, and if a female wanted to have half a chance of making it, she'd have the best chance if she aligned herself with this type!!
Best kind to breed with, too, since they were 'the survivors!!'
So I think the attraction to them is somewhat innate and visceral, even if those qualities are not necessary in today's society. (Old genes die hard!!!)
Today's breed of Alpha Males -- the ones who DO have what it takes to come out on top in today's society -- are somewhat different!!
A bit 'tempered down' version!!
Extremely high intelligence is one very handy attribute now, just as it was then, but brawn and a violent nature is no longer as helpful as in times of yore.
Women do not need men in the same sense as they used to (though many may choose to still live by the old standards), and I imagine that HAS caused a shift in who the Alpha Males are, or at least in their attitudes.
I'm a strong woman and I notice that this is very offputting to many men.
But only to weak and/or insecure men. Doesn't bug the truly self confident and strong ones at all, and in fact, is an appreciated quality.
I doubt the Cigar General would like me much, and the feeling would likely be mutual.
What a woman wants in a sexual relationship varies from woman to woman, as it does man to man!!
The trick is to find someone who holds the same values and beliefs as you do.
As far as I'm concerned, I have the ALPHA of the Alpha Males, and he is the farthest thing from being an asshole!! Very, very male, very clear in his beliefs, very decisive, does not hesitate for a second in doing what needs to be done and also treats me like gold and with utter respect and as an equal.
Which is everything *I* look for in a sexual (or ANY) type of relationship!!!!

I getcha. Have strong opinions, ask strong questions, get to know a woman's heart, and then be the man in serving HER needs, as well as being respectfully assertive when it comes to telling her my needs.

I think that there's two sides to this male alpha thing.
What I've most experienced is a woman will want a man who is sure of himself, will take what he wants and find someone who will compliment that part of him, without being the arm candy or trophy wife type thing.
Women want men you are SURE of themselves without being a cocky SOB either. They want a guy who will stick up for them, but they want the car door opened for them too, and won't mind if she pays the bill once in a while so she doesn;t feel like she owes you anything after the date...
there's nothing about being sure of yourself that can give the vibe of being an arrogant a-hole. Sure, tehre's lots of guys out there like that and then the women who end up clinging to those dudes are typically not sure of tehmselves in the least anyway, thus saving you from having to deal with that.
I think goes both ways. I know I don't want a mousey unsure of herself type woman, that'll bore me to tears. I want a woman who knows where she's going, has the means to get there, and is looking for someone to share life experiences with only. And, if you're simply looking for sexual relationships with a woman, then none of this matters does it?

koolman, you really hit a nerve here. I've just started dating again and at first all was fun and games. LOL, it still is to a degree. But, quickly it became evident that there is a fine line between strong and dominant. I truly love it when a man has the confidence to choose a place for our date, will open doors, hold my coat, walk on the correct side of the street. I also appreciate it when he arrives on time and calls or emails to say he had a good time and doesn't leave me hanging wondering if I was a total looser. I've not had the displeasure ...lol... yet to come face to face with a rude, over-bearing ass. I've had men suggest that they love to see a woman in a dress or wearing heels. As long as that is not the topic of the entire evening I have no objection to that. I also respond that I enjoy seeing a man who occassionally likes to dress up for a more formal date.

WAY back when I was very young, I dated a man who stated quite clearly that I was not to swear, drink alcohol or wear anything but heels and bear him seven children. LOL, it's still funny!

I HATE men like him. I hate men wit huge egos. I hate when they are so cocky. I hate when they feel like they have the right to control women. I'm no feminist...but I believe every relationship needs to be equal. Of course men and women have their differences, and in some cases people tend to need to be controlled a little...or at least want it...but as long as they are getting treated with RESPECT, it's fine. I like a strong guy, someone who can protect me; but if he doesn't respect me or he isn't somewhat attentive to my needs...he is not worth my time.

However. I know I'm young and I've made some people uncomfortable talking about this (which is the reason why I left the HS boards...I wasn't wanted!) but in bed...I want to be controlled and I want him to be aggressive about it. Perhaps that's just me...

I don't know what an "alpha man" is.(Someone enlighten me.) But I enjoy equality. A good woman brings out the best in a man. (if the man let's her.) If she is a decent person it can make a better man. And it also reflects back on the woman. That's if a man has an open mind and wants to "evolve". But hey, when people are living together they will assume roles, I guess. It depends largely on the way they would like to be treated. But I don't think it's wise for any guy to be "bossing around" a woman from the start. It doesn't seem right. It's degrating if he does it in front of others. Disrespectful.

Its fun at first but it get tiresome real quick.

I like a man who is confident, who will take charge - but not all the time. I get soooo tired of "where do you want to go" "What do you want" Why can't it be, "I feel like going here tonight, what do you think" or even a, "lets go here".

I've dated the asshole, I've dated the pansy, and I've dated in between. To each their own.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want, so there's no way to explain what I want to someone else! LOL. I thought I had what I wanted.. I don't know now.. I think that's another post..