I waited, bided my time, made a written plan. I went to a divorce attorney and got good legal advice. So this is something to do along with counseling right away. Find out your legal obligations. I started hiding cash, and then opened a bank account in just my name with that cash. I started quietly making copies of our financial records. We had no joint debt which actually made the split easier. So while I was biding my time, I was fixing me, working on me, and crying a lot. I felt very tense because I knew I was lying by omission to him, he actually had no idea I knew about his secretive life (he had a GF or two, substance abuse issues he thought he was hiding, etc.) and that I wanted a divorce but if he'd been listening to me and paying attention, he would have known this was coming! (He thought I was stupid and weak and is still angry that the court awarded me half of our financial assets as per state law even though he "earned" the money as our state is community property state.) I took about 2-3 years to get up the courage to pull the switch on that marriage. It was miserable but I needed that time to find the courage. I didn't mention the divorce word until the very end. I was ready, and he was totally shocked but he was miserable in that marriage also. So he wanted out but he also wanted to control and punish me and that is something I didn't expect. I used to be very naive. Divorces hurt, they are hard, but if one wants out of the marriage, this is the only way. I think if you work on you, there will come a time when you will know this is the time to end the marriage if this is your goal. I don't know if people are ever 100% healed, although perhaps some are. I would not talk divorce to husband until you are ready.

I think if it is pretty cut and dried that the divorce is inevitable, I think moving out and separating physically and financially as well as emotionally is probably best. I don't think anything beneficial can be accomplished while in the same house, ignoring the other. It is almost a procrastination tactic.

I think that it would be easier to focus on one's self without the other person in the picture. And perhaps the slitting of financial matters would be less emotional/personal when not sharing the home, etc.

Just my $0.02.

I think it may be hard for you to stay in the same home over time... You don't have to rush into a divorce but I would consult an attorney if you separate with regards to debt ect

I was separated for quite a while before I was divorced however we had separated our money

If you think you are able to stay in the same residence that's up to you... I know things are really rough right now for a lot of people with the Covid virus...... Just take good care of you..... Big hug.....xo

I did exactly as you are describing years ago. My marriage was a mess. My husband was an alcoholic and all the lying and distrust and abuse that went with it. I began attending Al-anon meetings and I began counseling for co-dependency several years before we separated. he didnt think he had a problem and wondered why I was going for counseling. The stronger I got, the more I stood up for myself and respected myself just as a human being, the more he drank. However, I did speak with my mom and arrange a place to stay. I opened my own checking account with money an uncle gave me. I began making plan all the while hoping things would work out between us. All this to say, you do whatever you feel comfortable with.....your time scale. I dont know if you pray, but I prayed a lot during that time......for guidance and direction. It always works! Sending a big hug your way. Take care of yourself during this crazy season we are in.

I guess the courts will decide these things for both of you. I would explore different options that can help the relationship to work. People throw in the towel early over things that can be honed and worked on. Frequent Intimacy deters cheating.