Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
For the last couple of months, I feel defeated and bullied on a regular basis. Buy my spouse and I don't know what to do. I know for a fact that she has been lying to me because I went on to her phone and saw that she lied about saying, oh well, it's just that the family wants just the ants over. And when I saw the text, I clearly saw that that was a lie. And again, today, she tried to give me an excuse. As to why she did not want me attending a family event.So i'm just looking for advice on what I should do.And what I should say to try to resolve the issue of the fact that i'm being lied to
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
If it were me I would be direct
I find it hard to approach a problem beating around the bush
You don't deserve to be bullied
You deserve respect
Sometimes we have to demand the respect we want
I have no idea what the outcome will be but allowing yourself to be walked on is no good
Another hug and a blessing...xo
For me it’s really hard to have a conversation with my husband if we are both defensive or upset. Those never go well. Is it possible to have the conversation in a way that isn’t accusatory or confrontational, when emotions aren’t high, but just gets at the issue of why she felt like she needed to lie?
People lie for a lot of reason. Sometimes they are hiding bad behavior. And sometimes they are afraid of the reaction if they tell the truth. None of it is good but for me understanding motivation can bring at least some clarity.
I was married before this marriage and that ex would lie to me while looking me in the eyes. He was doing bad things in the evenings like drinking in bars with other women, staying out all night. I also snooped on his phone. To this day he does not know that I know what I saw on his phone.
I would not admit you snooped on her phone just yet. This is your trump card to find out some of her secrets. So I might observe and wait and listen to what she says.
This could be simple like some of her family doesn't like you or demeans men just because they are men. Or this could be deeper and a sign of a character defect within her.
You asked her why she doesn't want you going to the family event and so what was her response?
If it were me, I would act casually and then drive by the location of the family event and see if her car is there but not actually go in. That is just me though. I did this before with the ex to take back my power. I did not confront him because that ex of mine had serious substance abuse problems and mental health problems. I went silent and observed and listened.
The real deal is to tell them how we feel using "I feel" about what she is doing. If your wife is a nice person, is other-centered, and helps you and does things for the good of the family, then that is a good thing. If she is self-absorbed and doesn't care about your feelings, so lies easily, well I am sorry if this is the case.