In actuality, I don't think this is as bad as it used to be. It's not really something to horrible about my relationship, just kind of need to get it out and hear some words.

Well I'm gonna start by saying a few weeks ago I sat down with my girlfriend and we had a long discussion about how I know I deserve better than the treatment she gives me and that I've had it with all the bullshit, and for once she listened. In fact something that showed me she listened was her birthday was on Friday, she got very drunk and alot of things happened that she doesn't remember. I was kind of glad I was there to watch her cause two close friends of mine were just as intoxicated and if I hadn't intervened I have no doubt something major would've happened. I had video taped it and when i showed it to her she was completely in shock. She appologized a few times and we discussed how often she drinks and such. Well also a comment was made by her best friend Joshua to a friend of mine Rej when they were outside having a smoke and talking about getting laid. Josh told Rej why not go for my girlfriend and Rej said "She's with Ben" and Josh's response was "That's only a formality." This was brought to my attention by Rej and two other people who heard it, so I went to her brought it to her attention. She set the record straight with him and he's not as big of a factor since she feels she's lost some respect for him. All that really kind of gives me a look that she's growing out of this crap, but I'm trying to stay on guard just in case in a month it all goes back to the way it was.

My main rant in this is that I believe friendships are relationships as well, you can have unhealthy friendships and healthy ones. My best friend in this entire world, Christina, and I have been through Hell and back and we're so closely connected even though we've only known each other about a year and a half. I met her in 2008 when I broke up with my ex and she was getting over her ex. We kind of used each other to get over our exes by acting like a couple without any of the real strings of a relationship. We don't sleep together anymore or anything even though when I visit (which happens once every few months) I often do crash in her king size bed. I've had long discussions with my girlfriend about this arrangement and she's fine with it, since she sleeps in the same bed as a friend of hers when she sees him (before anyone decides that they should jump on that). Now with all this history between Christina and I, we've had fights, mostly about how I don't live up to my potential. She sees it as I don't date the people that she deems worthy of me, I don't hang around with mature enough people. She talks me up alot, she sees alot in me and sometimes I feel like I let her down. When my girlfriend and I broke up for a short period in November, she was the first person I called and I went and stayed with her for a weekend. She saw alot of my pain and tried to help me through it. That's why I could understand when I did take back my girlfriend that she was a little disappointed. Since then she's really held this aminosity towards my relationship. I can't bring issues I have to her because she simply states "dump the loser". I can't talk about what I'm doing if I'm with my girlfriend cause she doesn't want to hear about "the bitch". So I try to just let it go. Well tonight she went off on me...I hadn't said anything about my relationship, in fact we were discussing a problem she came to me with about her boyfriend, I gave some advice and suddenly she said "Why am I even asking you? Look at who you're with". That was about the last post.

I honestly am starting to think that maybe this is why I get so stressed out about everything. I think things are fine and suddenly I get hit. I don't know. I appreciate any comments.