Dude, you're 19? So, what's stopping you! You are clay. Mold yourself into who you want to be. You want to get laid? Be the kind of man girls want! Work out. Find your passion. Study you and bring your unique interests and talents to life!
Girls like humor, muscles, money. But mostly, girls like confidence. You get confidence by picking out one thing that interests you and learning more about it than anyone else.
Be a guy girls want. I know you can do it!
Confidence equals happiness. And that equals getting laid.

In the management of my own neuro-atypical yaddah blahs, what it is I am obsessing about is pretty irrelevant. I can obsess about ANYTHING and carry the most noble of themes to destructive extremes with lots and lots of toxic runoff during the process of obsessing.

I'll leave the subject of how to get laid to the plethora of *Love Doctors* in the world. Blah, blah, blah. . . Have you been acquiring any tools to help you recognize and manage the obsessing?

Continued support under all your names, Gap. Hope healing happens here.

Do you just want to get laid because you feel at this age you think you should have had sex by now? That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. A lot of people exaggerate or lie about their sexual business, especially when young. Social media doesn’t help because so much of it is a constant diet of other people spewing on about all the great things they have going on, images of people doing these fabulous things with other fabulous people. So you are comparing yourself to a very skewed reality when imagining how everyone else has it all together and going on.

I agree to work on the other stuff you got going on with the obsessive thoughts, the self loathing, the depression, the feeling socially awkward and isolated. It’s hard to connect with anyone and be someone others want to connect with when you aren’t comfortable and happy with who you are.

Sex isn't a right.

It's about learning how to give someone else what they want. Exactly what that is...varies per person. Maybe it's what they want to hear, maybe it's a feeling inside, maybe it's some sort of physical pleasure (learning how to kiss really good...or even learning how to hold hands really well).

That's true for girls too. Many men are more visual...thus more women decide to dress, wear makeup, high heals, etc...but certainly not all women.

Whatever it is...you have to do Something that will attract the person that you're interested in.


Your "misery" is unlikely to attract anyone.


Learning how to attract someone is a Social Skill.

Skills can be learned. They take practice and repetition. There is no shortcut. You will not learn it on a computer. You have to walk out the door and talk to people...lots and lots of people. Practice making kids happy. They're generally the easiest and most forgiving. Then practice listening to older people...they're often socially isolated and looking for people to talk to. Then practice talking to people who are your parent's age. Talk to the person checking you out at the grocery store. Talk to people you pass on the street. Talk about the weather, talk about sports. Talk about what you watched on TV last night. Talk about everything and everything.

Then when you get GOOD at that...try talking to people your own age.

They're the hardest. They'll be a lot less forgiving. They'll laugh when you make mistakes...learn to laugh WITH them. Talk to a LOT Of them. Hours and hours and hours.

ONLY after you're comfortable with that, start asking women that you're interested in out for a coffee, an ice cream...or something SMALL like that.

Take a risk and hold hands. It's OKAY to be shy. It's NOT okay to be angry.

Hold hands with lots and lots and lots of girls. Then try to kiss one. Pay attention to THEIR reaction. What did they like? What didn't they like? What made them lean in closer? (That's the reaction that you're looking for...do more of that.) What made them pull away? (That's NOT the reaction that you're looking for, do less of that.)

That's HOW you learn to be social.

There IS no shortcut.

If you want to just to get laid, there is an actual website where horny, sickish women connect with male virgins because it is a turn on. This is the quickest way to solve your dilemma.
However, in the long run, if you are unable to establish meaningful relationships and it bothers you, therapy is the only way to fix it.
Other than that, either find a FWB or purchase a robot.
I m not being sarcastic - this is really what I would do it I had that dilemma.
I m sorry that you are struggling...
We had another young man on this board a few years ago who was very angry at the world because he couldn’t get sex or relationship. It is a big problem.

Sex without an emotional connection is really masturbating using another person's body. This may be what you want. Not me to judge but if you are looking for an emotional connection, consider working on yourself to be someone that a woman finds to be trustworthy and able to emotionally connect with.

There are lots of people who have sex without emotional connection and do okay.. it just has to be mutual...

I just put up with the fact that I'll be perpetually lonely, friendless, single, and virgin.

Are you visual? How about taking an art class? Try meeting people there?

I know you are young so some of what is driving your response is maturity related but really, all you need to do is start making some small changes on your part. It doesn’t need to be earthmoving changes, just small decisions, like maybe just stepping out of your comfort zone one day a week. Your catastrophizing everything about yourself which is a choice. So how about just for today, choose to not be an asshole to yourself.

You should really find a counselor who can help you to deal with the depression and to help you develop some coping strategies. I think you know something has to change but you either don’t know how or you do but have some kind of block.. In your other posts anytime anyone offers you ideas or suggestions you have an excuse for why you can’t implement it. You believe the narrative you’ve created for yourself; a lot of people do that, even people older than you. For some reason it’s a lot easier to to accept self loathing than to just say fuck it, I’m going to take a stand against my own negative thinking.

You kind of have to get over yourself. I know you have real issues that you are contending with but you really are quite dramatic in how you perceive yourself, everyone has their shit they are dealing with. Even the people you perceive as having it all. Trust me, no one has it all. They are just wading through the muck of their own bullshit. They are just skilled at trying to keep living their lives and carrying on despite it.

You mention being neuro atypical.

Maybe a bit more of my son's story would help.

My son is 18 also single and not dating.

When he was small he had a SEVERE language delay. I then taught him to read, got The Early Intervention Group involved, and sent him to kindergarten...it blew up. At the time, the therapist (30 years experience) thought that he'd get diagnosed, but I choose not to do it. Largely he grew out of his issues...although I still see traces.

Part of what helped, was my son getting into the Gifted Class in his school. About half of the kids there were/are diagnosed, including his friends Eric (also 18...now heading off to art school) and Johnathan (not so high functioning, has a full time job at the grocery store, finds making friends more difficult, also single, but has friends and is involved in the community).

Transitioning out of high school is difficult.

Like all kids, the freedom feels great at first. But kids on the spectrum often don't realize just how much they depended on that structure for social contact, It's easy to withdrawal into yourselves.


I will go back and repeat everything I've said. Sex isn't a right. Social skills are SKILLS that CAN be learned. For you it may be more like learning a second language...but it is what it is.

You have to get out the door. Take a class...in anything. Talk to people...young kids are the most forgiving.

You CAN do this...if you wish.

I guess I do have a block. I am relentless when it comes to being the same. It could partly be because I am fully developed and therefore I have very little to no brain plasticity. It refuses to change. I just overall refuse to change, but it could be because I just SIMPLY can't anymore. :'(

At 19 your brain actually isn’t fully deveoped yet. Certain parts of your brain don’t develop until your mid 20s. For real. That’s part of the reason young people often make really bad decisions, can’t predict consequences, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Independent of that, maybe it’s not about changing but adapting.

It's not about "changing". It's about learning a new skill.

Can you learn a new phone number? How to log onto an internet site that you've never been on before? A new task at work? The name of a neighbor's new dog?

If so...then you can learn.

A book with a million words can be read...one word at a time.

Start with interacting with children...as I said, they're the most forgiving.

Aspies have a LOT going for them. They're honest. They just don't lie. They say exactly what they mean and don't play mind games. They're almost always good people.

Seriously, there could very well be a girl out there that would be just perfect for you.

@Patti22, then I must not be an ordinary aspie. I lie a lot and fool my nuclear family very easily. I'm possibly the worst aspie there is because of that. I'm only honest around people not in my nuclear family or in awkward, even unacceptable, situations. I don't know why I'm still on this site if I never take anyone's suggestions to help me out. I probably got my hard headedness from my mother's side. You even said they're ALMOST always good people. I'm in the ALMOST part.