What an A$$...

Why do you act like it's about you?!? BECAUSE HE MAKES IT ABOUT YOU BY TAKING HIS FEELINGS OUT ON YOU. You're not a mind reader. If he is upset about something, he needs to grow up and say point blank "I don't feel like talking right now." This is how adults act, and he is being childish!

Just fight fire with fire and give him the silent treatment. I somehow don't think he'd like getting a dose of his own medicine!

I agree with Ellie. He needs to get the silent treatment to see how that doesn't really work so well. It has nothing to do about you but he gets a powertrip when you react and feels superior over you then. A domination thing perhaps. He knows how to push your buttons and this has worked plenty of times it sounds like. Seriously, next time this happens have a game plan and leave the house and say enjoy your self as you are going out and enjoying time with people who want to communicate with you. Each time you give in to his ways he is going to know it's working. Like a child, he knows how he gets a reaction and a huge payoff for him is probably to "not feel inferior" by making himself superior. Best to you!

yeah i agree with the others. this is a form of emotional abuse. giving somebody silent treatment and treating them like they mean nothing, that is abuse.

alone time and space is one thing, but ignoring someone is another.

i would just take the ball into your court and focus on yourself and. do not apologize if you have not done anything wrong.. dont even ask him if you did anything wrong.. just go about your business and decide from there if things change or not.

First off, not ALL men act this way. Guys sometimes need their "cave time" to process what they are feeling, without having to talk about it (if that is even what is going on) but how you discribe this, it is definitely not a healthy way for you two to deal with it...

Remember don't assume anything, and definitely don't blame yourself for HIS behaviors, that is ALL on him.

My thoughts are you try to approach him when he is NOT in one of those moods and tell him you want to work through how you can help each other have a better relationship, tell him how you feel first when he is behaving like that, then ask him what he feels/thinks about it and what he is needing when having those "bad" days, but ABOVE ALL make it clear that you will not be the brunt of his anger, and that HE needs to find a healthy way of dealing with it, and that you want to support him in that, but not at the expense of you or your kids.

Hope it helps...

I so appreciate all of your comments. I feel so ready now to change the way I react the next time this happens (and I am sure it will). I need to stop feeling guilty when I clearly know I am not. Thanks for all of the great advice!

My mother and my ex used to do the whole silent treatment thing and it was an act of power on each of their parts. So passive aggressive. I have done it myself to others and it was all about power as well, getting them to bend to your will. That said, there comes a point in life where if you have an issue with another person, you have to learn to ask for what you need. No one can read your mind.

So, if for your husband, this is a pattern....I would call bullshit on it and basically tell him that he is in charge of his emotions and if he needs/does not need something from you he needs to lay it out there. It really can be as simple as that. We make life way too hard sometimes by pouting or just being moodier than shit and expecting others to figure out what the issue is.

Nothing wrong with setting expectations or compromising in relationships. But it does take 2 in a relationship to get there. If he can't do that, well....we all determine what level of quality we allow or will accept in our lives. And, yes, we do teach others how to treat us. Good luck.

Sounds like my dad. This is one quality I do not want in myself.

In reality, there's just something in him that he doesn't want to talk about, because he feels it won't do any good to talk about it. Or he simply doesn't possess the vocabulary to express his feelings verbally.

Don't know what you can do, except try to gently coax out whatever's bothering him by putting words into his mouth, saying "is it (this or that)"?

If you're not satisfied with his silent treatment, keep annoying him by asking him questions, or try to change the subject altogether, but point is to get him talking...about SOMETHING.

Fighting Fire with payback, retribution, nagging and game playing only fuels an already healthy roaring Fire. You've been with him long enough to know whether he is going through a big change, has an issue, a change of life, needs more quiet time, is adjusting to a new job, a new thought, dealing with aging, a loss,..whatever. People who have been together as long as you two have should have a pretty clear understanding of each other by now.

What should never be tolerated is bad, disrespectful behavior. Very firmly, when he snaps at you - stop in your tracks, look him dead in the eye and tell him quietly and assertively 'Do not ever talk to me like that again. You may have your quiet time, but you Will speak to me with respect. I am not your punching bag." He needs you to stand your ground, and you need to hear yourself saying the words so you believe it Ma'am. *wink

Consider keeping track on a calendar with a secret symbol how often he goes into 'silent mode', and after 1-2 months take a look. How often does this really happen? More than twice week? Consistently? You may see that this isn't happening as often as you think, and seeing the frequency may help you to feel less sensitive to it. But, if it's happening often, more than once a week for weeks on end, gently bring this to his attention during a good time. He may be in desperate need of some counselling. Continue to bring this to his attention after each month, then stand back and let him be accountable for his actions and decision.

What you Can do.. is to Find joy in these independent moments, and go do anything your sweet heart desires. Get out there! Go do something fun! Take up a new hobby! Read a great new book! Get your friends together. Play cards. Go shopping!! Live, Love, Laugh!!
Instead of looking at this as a bad thing for you, think of this as a wonderful, breath of time for you to reconnect with the independent happy woman that lives inside you!

Amen, TeriLyn. Stooping to his level is not the answer. For every action, there's a reaction and you have control over your reaction only. I like the idea of keeping track of his behaviors on a calendar and you definitely need to focus on your own happiness at all times, not just when he's unhappy. Life is short and you deserve happiness.

How would you react if this were your daughter acting this way toward you? Would youre reactions be any different?

*your