Something you need to really answer for yourself since you have to live with your decision.

I agree with rmb. But I also don't think its fair for you when he cheats on you.

I feel if my husband did that to me I'd wanna leave him. But I never been in that situation because you could say you'd leave him but its still hard when you love that person.my husband I been with for 18 years and is the only guy I been with. I could never live with the fact if I cheated because I love him so much.

My opinion I think if you 2 agree to stay together you need to understand once its happend its more likely to happen again which is not fair to you.but also go to couples counseling.

In my experience, when the lies come out, we only get to know a small part.

This is all symptomatic of the way we're socialized. You can learn to undo all that so that you can both continue to love one another and turn this into a positive learning experience. The question is whether or not you both have the desire and neuroplasticity to adapt.

If so, consider this an opportunity instead of a betrayal and stay on the condition that you both work it out. If either of you can't do that, then you can go your separate ways, but, chances are that you'll just wind-up in the same cycle again with someone else.

So logically, even if he can't adapt, maybe you can, or at least you can gain some valuable life experience from the effort, which means the most promising course is to stay and work it out. However I would add that given the situation, you should also allow yourself to be open to your own new "emotional affairs". After all, fair is fair. Just be totally honest and up-front about it.

Sometimes people are simply not decent people and it really has nothing to do with how we are socialized.

I'm sorry that you've been so badly hurt..... I agree that only you can answer this

Would you both be opened to some counselling from a therapist?

I wouldn't want to adapt to a cheating partner however if I really loved someone I would consider working towards a better relationship if he/she were transparent about their life and I had a professional to guide us...

Big hug of support while you sort it out.....xo

My goodness, my experience has been that when we find out the lies, we are not being told the entire truth. A liar likes their secrets. We each have to decide how much we value ourselves. This partner is saying you are not valuable enough to stay faithful to. Even if there was no physical consummation. The partner may need lots of attention or have a mental illness, drug problem, personality disorder. You can't fix or change this partner. I was noticing my ex was looking me in the eye and saying they had to go to work at 8 pm at night. He worked a day job in an office so this both angered me that he thought I was this stupid and made me laugh that he was this stupid in his lies. Coming home some nights at 6 am. Sometimes at 2:30 am drunk when the bars closed. He was actually drinking and using drugs and doing it almost daily. I snooped in his phone and looked at his text messages. He got one on Thanksgiving Day from a woman saying she loved him and was thankful to have him in her life. Then a few days later, she texted that her husband and children needed her. There were texts where they were meeting in bars about 10 pm at night. He was also "helping" a lesbian do some work in her house which made me laugh that he loudly proclaimed it was okay to be there all night as she was a lesbian. One morning he said he had to stay with the lesbian as she drank too much and was throwing up. Who knows the truth but sometimes we have to find the funny in this stuff or die of the pain. I was ready to be done with this ex anyway as the drinking and drug use killed our marriage but I was hoping he'd move out and move in with this woman who loved him! No such luck, when she dumped him he came sniffing around me being all nice and acting loving. But I knew who he really was at that point and we moved onto divorce driven by my need to value myself first and foremost. If we are with someone who lies to us and who has other issues, sometimes we tell ourselves stuff to hang in there. Fear of change can make us hang on to the old relationship even if it no longer supports our emotional wellness. One such self lie is that we can fix the marriage or change this person. Usually not true. I know from trying!

Emotional affairs doesnt count, people are allowed to have other friendships and be around other people. I say stay and tell him how you feel.

Having friends and being around others is different from having an emotional affair, no? I mean, if they are legit friendships then there is no reason to not be transparent about it, or to lie, or hide.