It sounds like you are different people.... If this is about control he may not like it

Going off of his meds without discussing it first with his doctor isn't a healthy thing to do … If they're too strong for him I would discuss it with a medical professional

Perhaps the two of you should have a sit down and discuss expectations and what you both deem as reasonable.... You may just be on different pages and some people do procrastinate..... Big hug.....xo

Thanks and he told me that this is what his doctor has told him to do because of his weight and he told me recently that his doctor lowered his dose but i am just worried that he is not telling her all of the side effects that he goes through or doesnt realize all of them. we have talked about this in the past but i am worried that it is just going in one ear and out the other with him,

You can google side effects of medications

My partner and I are from opposite ends of the social spectrum. In addition to the radically different conditioning sets, we also have different definitions of, "Maturity." His upper middle class definition of maturity just might have been fatal in the world I grew up in. Co-parenting through that imbalance remains a challenge for us.

The fates have thrown us a second parenting career with the recent deaths of our youngest son (35) and his wife. This time around we are working metaphors about finding our ways to each other's libraries instead of going tit-for-tat over who has the more righteous expectations.

Im not a expert on these things, but relationships always come with some sort of compromise. It would be nice to come to a middle, so that you dont feel crappy about the situation either. Having an open dialogue helps, even if your arguing, try to identify whats wrong and express it, in this way its more healthy for the relationship. or try counseling?

I dont think your expectations are too high, I would also be annoyed at my partner for procrastinating things... though depends on the expectation. But itd be nice if your partner acknowledges it, you know? if not, my advice is to express it

I hope things work out for you too!

It almost sounds like each set of your parents had the extreme of rules. One was very rigid and regimented and one was very loose and do your own thing. Neither way is 100% correct or going to fit every human being. Your husband's procrastination is perhaps his fatigue and perhaps his desire to not be controlled by you. If he sees you asking him to do this chore or that chore, he may feel this is more than he is willing to do. Some people have this attitude that nobody tells them what to do. It sounds like you are saying you can't count on him to be steady emotionally or physically and that is a hard place. How do you fix this impasse? I would say sit down and think out what is bothering you and what chores you would like him to do. Figure out what you need from him. Then talk to him at a time when neither of you is upset or angry with the other. This is called partnership and good communication. My ex absolutely did not want to do any chores except yard work. And he like yard work because he had freedom when outdoors to "do his own thing" which involved using drugs and alcohol and being left alone without participating in the family. He didn't want to help at all with the kids, or with cooking, or cleaning, or when any one in the house was sick. I put up with it for a long time but as my own self value started growing, and as I matured myself, I realized the marriage couldn't sustain itself with just me in it.

Hi Sammy! I also think that you need to sit down and have a talk with your husband. Express your concerns. He definitely should be pitching in around the house. I know your other post you were concerned about his immaturity, and that you were thinking of having a baby. But, I do think you need to address all your concerns, and figure this stuff out, before bringing a baby into this marriage.

And, how he was raised is no excuse for how he acts as an adult. He was a child then, he is a man now.

You are his wife, you can go with him to his next doctor's appointment, and ask the doctor yourself if he is supposed to be going off of his ADHD medication. That doesn't sound right... that he goes off it every weekend. Maybe you could find out for yourself if this is the case or not? And, you might have to be the one to tell the doctor about his side effects.

Again, your husband needs to be doing his share. A marriage is NOT 50/50. It's 100/100. Be strong. Assert yourself. Tell him how you feel and that you need more from him.

Hi there and happy new year. I will share a bit of advice I read in a couple of different relationship books. Also, my former next-door neighbor has done this and it worked for her. Next time he doesn't do something around the house, don't nag, but hire and pay someone else to do it. This would depend on the job, of course. It would only work if it's not a "women's work" kind of chore. I believe my neighbor would only give her husband one warning before hiring someone to do whatever the job was. But I wanted to throw that out there since the other posters did not mention this. All good advice here.

You can do some research on line to see if it’s an accepted practice that adults on ADHD go off them in weekends. Or ask a pharmacist. They have good insight into side effects and usage. Many people go off ADHD meds once out of school completely so it doesn’t seem unreasonable to me there is some changes in approach to his meds but it should be done with doctor guidance. I think if you push him to go to his appointment with him you take on a mothering role and that is, to me, is a relationship killer. If my husband pushed me to come to one of my doctor’s appointments with me, to hear it from my doc or to ask questions, there is no way in hell I’d be on board, unless it was to discuss a terminal illness or something. People still have a right to private conversations with their doctors even when married.

I can tell you this. I am not lazy and I take care of my share of things in our home and life but my husband is very type A with that stuff so if something isn’t done on his time schedule or when in his mind it needs to be done, he will push me on it. I’m in my 50s, work really hard, and my husband feeling the need to keep asking me to do something because he wants it done this second really annoys me. The stuff that feels urgent to him I don’t see as urgent so we have completely different points of view when it comes to that.

So I don’t know if your concern is valid or not because it’s not apparent if he’s just a lazy turd or if you are pestering him and he’s just being defiant about it.

I will say you guys should be having fun and enjoying your new marriage. Between this and your other post about your husband’s immaturity and trying to
have a baby, frustration is going to increase for you both.

I would read men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Consider this,

1. Sandwich any criticism, compliment first, discussion, then compliment.

2. Consider setting a time for discussion about goals, perhaps once a week, not constantly.

3. "when you are asked to do something you did it right then and there no matter what." First, no, I didn't want my parents telling me what to do and when and certainly do not want my wife telling me that routinely. (imagine if husbands said, I've scheduled some time in bed for 10:15 and here's what we're going to do .

I remember my brother got some mediocre grades and mom says, if you keep doing this, you'll never get into college and will be a ditch-digger. He said you're absolutely right. She said, well that's unless you do better, and he responded, nope, there's no possibility of college anymore. By the time they finished, she said please don't worry about the grades.