In all fairness to her, she's Vietnamese and indebted to her sister's family who paid for her U.S. citizenship. But, for crying out loud, when is this debt ever going to be paid? And she's in a rut because she doesn't want to do any other kind of work (she works in a nail salon).

Great, but she's tired all the time. Working 12-hour days and breathing nail polish all during that time has taken its toll. We're not married, and I'm not going to spend the rest of my days taking care of this tired old woman when she's no longer able to work and gets sick. She brought this on herself.

Some people feel way more secure with finances under their belt for what ever reasons they have in the past. Have you been able to talk to her about it?

What is "indebted"? Does she owe $XX to her sister or is it she feels the need to send them money monthly forever? If it's the former maybe you could help her pay off the debt so she can scale back on the work a bit. If it's the latter you may need to tell her how you feel and ultimately may need to leave her if she can't make you happy.

You know what Koolman, if you REALLY loved her you would spend the rest of your life looking after her. No matter what!

Z is sick... very sick. I would give the rest of my life to be with him and take care of him if that is what is needed. I love him.

Maybe she does need to change jobs. Maybe this is all she knows. Maybe she's scared. Have you even tried to talk to her about this?

Jumping to this decision of not spending the rest of your life doesn't sound like a man that cares or loves for this woman.


(and just as a side point, what does it matter that she's Vietnamese? Every single time you bring her up you mention that. SHE'S A WOMAN... PERIOD!)

FROM UR ATTITUDE RE HER WORKING AND BEING TIRED IT DOESN'T SOUND TO ME LIKE U REALLY LUV HER...SO, WHY DON'T U GET OUT SO SHE CAN GET ON WITH HER LIFE....

I can understand part of what you are feeling. Whether it is right or wrong, if you feel resentful about her actions, you will not be happy in the long run, and neither will she.
I don't believe that the definition of 'love' is sacrificing your life and happiness for someone else IF they choose not to help themselves. Maybe you can both find some kind of compromise...

Koolman,

I feel empathy for her. It sounds like she is a very hard worker and has had a very rough life.

At the momement, you my friend sound a bit shallow and less than compassionate.

I have to stick up for koolman. If this post was written by a woman I think there would be a lot more sympathy for her if she had a husband working 12 hours a day and she felt lonely and not taken care of. Guys like attention too! (Granted, if I was advising Koolman you probably could have left off that last sentence. lol)

All I can say is - it's a shame she's in such a position. Has she ever said when her debt would be paid?

Koolman,

All I'm trying to say is if she's such a burden to you why do you continue to see her? It isn't fair to her or you.

Just my two cents but if you continue to see her she may think she has a chance at a committed relationship but it doesn't sound like you are all that interested and if you are trying to change her how would you feel if she was trying to change you.

Good luck to you.

Oh my God,koolman...I have been reading some of your threads and you were sounding so evolved as a man about women that I am "shocked" at this thread which could be your all time worst!!!

You don't want to take care of the "tired old woman" when she can't work???....oh my...let me just hep you up on something.

I work in this fashion world of "nail, hair, makeup and clothes...do you have any idea how much money those nail girls make???? I know...from experience you never get out of there for under $50-75.00. And you know what...they could be sending bombs from Russia and women and the metro men out there would be finding ways to keep themselves "pretty." So chances are...she would be taking care of you.

Asian culture is very different from ours. They have a seriously committed relationship with their family and their belief systems. Aside from extreme cleanliness and their tenacity to achieve, they are extremely hard workers and never stop until they reach their goals. ... it is more like " neverending gratitude" to the family or whom ever helped them achieve their goals.

Maybe you should go back and re-check your Christmas List under what you want in a Healthy Relationship. I don't know...If I were a guy, I would want a woman who was off-of-her-ass- doing something, and if the something was something "Both" people wanted to cuy back on...I would tell her to rent a small shop and hire girls to do the work who want to work 12+ hours a day and become a business owner. Beauty industry never suffers and this way she could stay home with you and be healthy...just an option...there are always options....but honestly Koolman...if I were her and knew you felt this way(did you ever convey this truth to her?)well I would want to know that If you were in an accident and you couldn't work "EVER" would that mean that I could just leave too?????

If you care "at all" for this woman...I would "rethink" your position...L

Hi Koolman when I read your first post, I thought I could relate, but when i read your second post, I realized that your situation is very different from mine.

Sigh, it's a really bad day for me and I'm mentally/emotionally not in the position to analyze yours or anyone's situation. Just wanna say, sorry you're feeling frustrated and angry, but please, like all the rest of the people said, calm down and re-evaluate your situation before you make any decision. It does sound like she has a very strong tie with her family and her focus is not money, but the people in her family.

And you know, I feel that if you become part of the family that she cares so much about and works so hard for (not the guy that competes with "her" family, but the guy that's *part* of the family), you'll feel her love -- may not be the type that you originally planned/imagined, but it is true and strong love.

Best of luck!

Yes, I've talked to her about it, but she won't talk back. And I think it'd be a REALLY bad idea to simply give her money, only to have her hit the bricks and run like a thief in the night, never to be heard from again. Nah (sigh) I think I better let this one go.

I have offered to help her with grocery shopping, chores, etc. to lighten her load so she has a little more free time. Haven't heard, so I think this means she likes me as a puppet on a shelf that she can pull off when she needs diversionary entertainment. Maybe she's been doing me a favor, because maybe I couldn't handle the stress in her life. I don't know. I do know a woman's heart is a dark ocean of secrets, but I feel like she's just playing games with me and isn't letting me in as much as I'd like. Thanks, folks.

aww, i;m so sorry... it does sound like such an upsetting situation you're in (I later on read some of your other threads/posts)... It feel horrible to be ignored... Maybe taking a break from her (or a clean break up) is for the better... Wishing you all the best...