Healthy Relationships Support Group
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I've been separated for 6 months now, I know it's way too soon to start another relationship but I thought it wouldn't kill me to meet people.
Couple of days before new year's a guy messaged me via Facebook, I asked him some questions before adding him because I don't just add random people, turns out we have some friends in common and one of them told him he might enjoy chatting with me, after checking if that was true we started talking every single day.
I must admit he's not really my type, but I thought "oh c'mon, don't be so shallow, give the guy a chance" and I started to like him. The issue is he lives in another city and we haven't met in person yet (I found out I have hpv so I've been having tratments since December and I can't even put on jeans because it hurts like hell, so I'm not in shape to meet anyone).
So everything's perfect and then, last night while we were talking, something about the media and the image of perfection, blah blah, he said that he had to confess that he was afraid that I wasn't going to look as good in person as I look in my facebook pictures and that was such a turn off for me, am I overreacting for feeling bad because of that?
I don't have the best self esteem, so as soon as he said that I visualized my stretch marks, the cellulite, the zits I get every month and basically panicked. My stbxh used to point out every flaw of my body pretty much every day, so I had this deja vu feeling, like the pressure of not looking good enough for someone and I didn't like it.
Couple of days before new year's a guy messaged me via Facebook, I asked him some questions before adding him because I don't just add random people, turns out we have some friends in common and one of them told him he might enjoy chatting with me, after checking if that was true we started talking every single day.
I must admit he's not really my type, but I thought "oh c'mon, don't be so shallow, give the guy a chance" and I started to like him. The issue is he lives in another city and we haven't met in person yet (I found out I have hpv so I've been having tratments since December and I can't even put on jeans because it hurts like hell, so I'm not in shape to meet anyone).
So everything's perfect and then, last night while we were talking, something about the media and the image of perfection, blah blah, he said that he had to confess that he was afraid that I wasn't going to look as good in person as I look in my facebook pictures and that was such a turn off for me, am I overreacting for feeling bad because of that?
I don't have the best self esteem, so as soon as he said that I visualized my stretch marks, the cellulite, the zits I get every month and basically panicked. My stbxh used to point out every flaw of my body pretty much every day, so I had this deja vu feeling, like the pressure of not looking good enough for someone and I didn't like it.
I really get what you mean Koolman, and I appreciate having a male view in this matter, as I said, I didn't find him particularly attractive (he's ok, just not what I usually like) but I thought it wouldn't kill me to just chat with him, he had seen my pictures before contacting me because we have friends in common so I assumed that he already thought I was at least ok, my pics are updated and over the years the only thing that really changes is my hair color, I work out and try to keep in a decent shape.
And I also understand there's nothing like meeting in person and feel if the chemistry is there, but again, I don't think you should say "I know you're beautiful BUT I'm worried that the camera may be fooling me and you don't look that good in person", like, dude, don't tell me that, think about it, but don't tell me!
Anyhow, in the end I did tell him that I may worry about his "package" size and shape but I'm not telling him that because is just mean, he apologized and I think it was sincere but I don't know, that pretty much killed the mood for me, so I'll just listen to the little voice in my head that says "alert!!!" and move on.
But sadly some people never do. LOL My boss is one of those. He is in his mid 60s and he still says whatever comes to mind. No matter how inappropriate it can be.
Please don't take this to heart. You are a beautiful woman, and no one is absolutely perfect in every way, so don't expect yourself to be. Sadly some guys are shallow, and they don't deserve someone as beautiful as you. So move on to find someone who does.
fortunately for us
the world is full of men :)
And you're right Justine, I'm not worried about that now, I'm sure there's decent guys out there :)