it really is true that sometimes the people with the biggest smiles are the saddest. Feel so alone with all these feelings. I feel like there’s no safe place to dump my thoughts.  Came back to a disfunctional relationship because for some reason I though I could forgive and move forward.  I thought things would be different. They are slightly but I’m still always the one to blame even though I’m the one who didn’t do anything wrong. Frustrating to be with someone who blames you for everything one second and then tries to lift you up the next. I feel like a wet noodle. I spend a lot of my days being everybody else’s cheerleader I just would love to come home to have my own cheerleader once in a while.  Well I do. It’s my daughter. I mean her father does but then he mentally knocks me down if I say something that hurts his feelings which always happens if I ever express my own. That’s not ok right?  He says he’s defending himself but then says how I’m not who I used to be but that’s because he treated me like garbage. If I say that it’s because of the past he gets mad. I’m so exhausted. Why did I ever come back to this????  Needed to vent.