I don't know but I am so anxious today overloaded with thoughts negative about everything. I mean everything. I have a therapy appt tomorrow my new therapist my second one and I am just not even relieved with that I just feel lost very lost I don't want anyone around me I want to just crawl in a hole and I feel like I can't deal with life does this make me a weak person why can't I deal with anything without worrying all the time

2 months is ZERO time to really know anything about a relationship ship. Maybe what’s happening is you know that and you are doubting it but it’s coming out all sideways in the form of extreme anxiety.

I have no idea if it’s ROCD or just plain old anxiety and/or depression which seems more plausible if anxiety affects other aspects of your life outside of just relationship. Does your new therapist think it’s ROCD?

Have gotten that far with my therapist only had one visit next one is tomorrow

Maybe ask her tomorrow if she thinks ROCD and share with her that you are sort of hung up on that. See what she says. It may help mitigate ruminating about it.

From my personal experience, I always felt a little worse after the first few therapy sessions because you start to kick up a lot of mental and emotional stuff which is confusing and really uncomfortable. That’s where writing it out can help. Then after those first few visits, I felt less raw, less confused and a bit more in control of my emotions.

I have read about ROCD in the past and I relate to it as well. I ruminate a lot, like all the time. You might also want to look into Love Addiction and Codependency. They seem to be related.

I will but how much do I keep looking seems like I keep looking ans keep feeli.g like nothing is going to change and gives me fuel to keep my thoughts going. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and others I want to just be happy again or just ok with life not scared of it or thoughts upon thoughts

Stop. Breaaatthhhhhhh.

You literally just started seeing a therapist so you have made a step to get help. Maybe think about giving more time to that to actually help you. Ask your therapist for ways to manage between appointments.

Don't self diagnose by looking stuff up on the internet. It's obviously doing nothing to help you and it's just going to feed your anxiety. If you are on medication, maybe you need a change in meds. Just something to ask your therapist or doctor.

For now, stick to basics, doing things you know can help with managing anxiety, to get you through the really tough moments: redirecting your thoughts, breathing exercises, physical exercise, any kind of distractions, writing, art, walking, anything to redirect. etc. I see you wrote a post on the anxiety board too. That's good.

Have you ever been diagnosed with clinical depression?

Yes I have been diagnosed as clinically depressed with anxiety.

In the past I have to see what this therapist says. I don't know to trust my thoughts or myself. I don't want to end it with this guy just because it may make me feel better but then what if he was the right guy wrong headspace or what if I am just not good at relationships what if something is wrong with me
I am trying to sit still and not think but I am at work and I have to focus but it is hard

Get up and go for quick walk in your building or wherever you are right now. It might help with the anxiety to just to physically get up and move to another spot, even if just for a little bit.

You don't have to make any decisions about the guy right this second. If he's asking you to do so, by pressuring you or is moving way too fast that tells you everything you need to know about him. If he's not and is willing to just hang around for a bit and you're ok with that, then make a decision when you're in a better state of mind. That's it. Seriously, that's all that needs to happen right now. I think this idea of what if he's the right guy is a lie our brain tells us. He's just a guy and not pre ordained as either right or wrong.

We all are faced with what ifs. All we can do is just deal with the present reality. I highly doubt there's anything that is "wrong with you" that can't be addressed, treated etc. That is catastrophic thinking and just know that is another lie your brain is telling you. What you do know is you have previously been diagnosed with depression/anxiety, so doesn't that seem like that is the most logical thing going on here?

Just trying to get you to apply a wee bit of reason to your situation.

Are you taking any medication for depression and anxiety? That would probably help you calm your racing thoughts.

Don't worry about the guy right now. You are working on yourself, and that is the most important thing. Working on yourself will give you a clearer head to look at the relationship objectively. If the relationship is already causing you so much stress. it won't get any better than it is with him right now.

I agree with rmb, You don't have to decide anything about this guy...today, Relationships take a lot of time to develop. Just relax, enjoy it for what it is... today. Not what it may or may not be in the future. None of us can predict the future. But you being in a good mental state will only help you with deciding whether you want this relationship or not. Get yourself better first.

You have a therapy appointment tomorrow, right? Maybe write some notes down that you'd like to discuss in your therapy session tomorrow. Writing always helps!

I am on prozac and buspar I'm on 20 MG of prozsc but my doctor said if 20 is not working to up to 40 so I may start 40 tomorrow buspar 5mg a day twice a day but can up to 3 times a day. I'm going to try 40mg of prozac first before going up on buspar since it's new to me

I used to have anxiety and then I quit drinking and for a few months it went off the chart. I found a book by a Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh called Fear, weathering the emotional storm. It's easy reading, two hundred pages that gave me a whole new perception on life. He's a very gentle soul and the calmness just comes through beautifully. A big recurring theme is that the past is gone and the future isn't here yet so the only time we have available is right now.
Hope you can take some deep breaths and take care of yourself

I'm wondering if the Prozac could be worsening the anxiety??... Has it gotten better or worse since starting it Want?

I actually just upped to 40mg. Don't know what to do I would say I just don't know. I am so confused about life and so many things just feeling sad and anxious and no answers. I know answers take time but just feels like time ia going too slow.