Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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rainBowsLoveMe
rainBowsLoveMe
What do you do when the relationship, friendship, acquaintencship, whatever this is anymore, keeps going in a vicious circle. I KNOW for a fact, because I can tell that it's exactly the same just with a different ending, that it's exactly the same old story but with a different ending. We keep going around and around and around with no end results. We go up in a general good direction, and then just come crashing down. I'm beginning to think it's just me. I'm self-sabotaging this, whatever it is. I know in this last instant it was for sure me... I don't know what to do anymore. I may have lost, whatever it was we had, for good.... Friendship or other...
Shai
Shai
It might depends on the cycle n the circumstances. In the end you need to decide how important the relationship is, if it's worth salvaging...
bigguy3
bigguy3
Sounds like the definition of insanity ..."... keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

You have to change things up if you want things to change.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why dont you two take a step back, and really look at why that keeps happening?

Then agree on what it is, and it takes two to have something come crashing down. So its not just you, take some real time to reflect and not cloud eachothers judgement.
rainBowsLoveMe
rainBowsLoveMe
In this last instance we weren't even in a relationship. He felt betrayed because I started a relationship with another person, but didn't tell him about it. He found out about it because I said something about it on here. I was waiting to tell him about it because I knew he would freak out about it... Which he did.... He said it was a betrayel because we were still invested. (We've been trying to fix things between us before trying to date again and hes been asking when we'll start dating again lately before the incident occurred.)
bigguy3
bigguy3
Did you know he was invested? Did you know he wanted a relationship with you? If you did, then you should have told him that you were not interested and that you were looking for a relationship elsewhere. It would have minimized the drama.

Honesty is always the best policy. Avoid deception when it comes to relationships because it will always come back to sting you if you don't.
rainBowsLoveMe
rainBowsLoveMe
I did know that he wanted a relationship, but I had told him that I did not want a relationship with him yet.
Aronia
Aronia
It sounds like you did mislead him.. Maybe it was not your intent.
You said " not yet " , which gave him hope.
Also, a behavior can be misleading if you say " I don't want a relatio ship " to an interested party and then have deep emotional conversation every day.
I don't know if this really happened, just speculating.
Hope you both work it out . Good luck !