I have the same exact problem with my fiancee and everything I have tried does not work. It does get very frustrating because he always remembers everything that is conveniet for him but always forgets everything else. I wish you luck and I hope you find something thats works.

I am very concerned about you calling him 'spastic'. This sort of thing is not good in a healthy relationship and may be the reason he 'forgets' things, either stress or passive hostility. Try using praise and appreciation when he does do things well and see if things improve. This is not being a 'mama' its treating another human being with respect and love.

I think i'm going to make him a "reminder list" for each day.. or a honey do list.. whatever.. LOL... and set the alarm on his Ipod touch, his computer, and his phone.. surely that will take care of it

If you walk by and see the Cat's litter box needs cleaning why don't you clean it?

There are things in a relationship that will annoy you about your partner and things that annoy your partner about you.

Are petty things worth getting annoyed over? When something annoys me about stbxh or my partner, forgets to take out the trash, leaves his dirty laundry on the floor, whatever petty thing it was, what impact does it have on my life......none at all. If he died tonight, how important would those things be to me in the morning.

Leave a note where he'll see it or a message on his cell phone or an email. It works for stbxh and my partner if one of them wants me do something. I don't have what you would call a structured day, I don't have a set schedule, what I'll be doing and where I'll be at any given time is anyone's guess so things that are not top priority for the day do slip my mind. Leaving me a message a day or two in advance to remind me, I'll find a way to work it into my day.

Thanks Leather. :)

@bright, I don't clean it bc I don't like cat poo. Just one of our agreements as a couple He does the poo, I do the cooking..etc. LOL

I agree with a lot of the advice you have been given so far such as leaving gentle reminders or even praising him a bit when he does things. However I would like to add that it might a good idea that the two of you sit down together and make some compromises. I realize you don't like to clean the cat box out but the world won't come to an end if you do it every now and then just as the world won't end if he does a bit of cooking once in awhile.

He probably does not like really cleaning the cat box anymore then you do. My point is each of us as individuals have our thoughts and opinions on what we feel should or should not do but when you are in a relationship I just feel that rather then focus so much on who should be responsible for certain things why not compromise and share the responsibilities.

Heck if one of you were to get sick the other one would have to be responsible to handle the majority of things and it would be helpful if he did a bit more cooking. Anyway my point is do not seal it in gold that this is his job or your job to do a lot of the simple tasks around the home simply take turns and be willing to make compromises with each other and I think you will find that forgetfulness, and spastic out bursts will not be so often.

Everything is workable to me if there is communication and compromise from both people in a relationship. I find this works much better rather then focusing so much on what both of you do not like to do and what you feel who should be doing what. Take turns and be willing to do some of the things you don't like to do every now and then. :)

Compromise isn't the issue. As I've already stated..we've already discussed different chores we both do around the house. I have things i do, and he has things i do.

Thanks everyone :) The issue is that I have to keep bugging him about stuff, not that we don't compromise. Seems this topic has been misunderstood.

I perhaps did not understand your post however the way I see it compromise is part of the problem you both have. You state you have things you are supposed to do and things he is supposed to do but yet neither one of you seem to be able to get them done unless you nag him constantly to remind him to do his things. I am not trying to say that you are at fault here or that you have to be his mommy but ideally it is obvious he simply does not want to do these tasks just as you simply do not feel it is your job to clean the cat box just because you do the cooking or other jobs around the house.

If you both have it worked out then you would not be dealing with the problems you are currently having now. My point is that your system is not working. Reminder notes, repeating yourself over and over again to get him to do his share just isn't working. That is why I suggested you change the routine a bit which involves changing how things are being done that in turn takes communication and compromise from both of you as well as action.

As you stated previously you claim you both have come to agreement as a couple on who should do what however it seems to me he does not wish to full fill that agreement. In order to have come to those agreements you had to both agree and compromise that is what I meant by compromise. In any aspect take the word compromise out if you wish the bottom line is that your agreement you both made is not working.

Anyway you can continue to bug him if you wish or change the agreement and the duties you both can feel comfortable with or you also have the choice of just leaving it as it is. At the end of the day it is you who will make the final decision because you are the one living with this guy not any of us so do what you feel is best:)

Thanks Katie.. but your advice is off base. I've already explained ..twice.. what my issue is... if your not going listen to what I have to say, I would appreciate it if you would stop posting on my question. Thank you :)

Sorry to have offended you Hamlin as that was not my intention. And this will be my last response to your post. I only leave with my thoughts and that is simply you live with someone who either doesn't give a darn about what his duties are and does them when it suits him or he simply knows that you will tolerate his negligence and all your reminders will go in one ear and out the other.

As for me not listening to what your post is about well I will simply say that what I understood is that you are fricken frustrated that you have to keep reminding your husband EVERY SINGLE DAY to do simple tasks and want advice on how to get him to just the simple things and tasks around the house and you feel in some ways it is like he is the child and you are the Mommy.

My advice was probably not your cup of tea and that is ok. I still wish you the very best and hope things will improve for you:)

My b/f does the same thing the trash can be over filling and he will walk right past it even if it stinks up the house for days. Same with his clothes he will leave them laying around on the floor for days. I tried to discuss it with him and he is good for a bit but always goes back to his old ways. I finally said he has to pay half the cost for a house keeper to come in once a week because we both work long hours and have little time to do much of anything when we get home.

This is working for us so maybe it might work for you too. I also wanted to say that you might not like my response either but hey if ya are gonna air your dirty laundry in a post for everyone to read be prepared to get responses that ya don't like at least that is what i have learned since I joined DS. Good luck to ya.

I really hate it when my husband tells me how or when to do one of my chores. Sure.. we may have agreed that it is my chore.. but I'm a grown up and I am well aware what is on my "to do " list. I will get it done in my own way and in my own time.

So I think what we are all saying is... if you don't like how your husband is doing "His" chores.. just hold your tongue and wait for him to do it.. if it is really bugging you.. suck it up and change that litter box yourself.

Here is a great quote.. "It's hard to kiss the lips on the mouth that has been chewin your ass all day" lol

The fact that you refer to your husband as "Very spastic and forgetful" is not cool.... and he won't think it's cool either after too many years... ya better rent the movie " The War of the Roses"
Now stop being so bossy!

LMAOOOOOOOO at ur response brightside. And ur right. Hamlin u should watch that movie it might help your situation. And I do agree with remi if you are going to list your problems and complaints on the internet it is normal to get responses that you don't agree with. Take what works for you and leave the rest behind.

As they say if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen. Maybe your husband won't do anything because he is sick of you telling him what to do and when to do it all the time. We haven't heard his side of the story so keep that in mind. And calling him spastic and forgetful isn't so cool either I wonder how he would feel about that or how you would like to be called that.

Just seeing how you jumped on Katiebell shows that it just might be you who is spastic so take a chill pill and relax girl.

if he doesn't do it as often as you prefer, I agree either walk past it and ignore (the stink will eventually get to him), do it yourself, keep the cat outdoors more often, or find a new home for the kitty.

FWIW, my ex husband used to nag me a lot about housework, say I was forgetful too, as I didn't keep up to his standards. Now, we've been divorced for 10 months, and he has his mom come in a couple times a week to do. Not saying that is at all like you, probably not, but yeah, I'd rather live with a slob and clean it myself, than someone who is grumpy every single day because I can't live to some impossible standard (kitty liter box not impossible, but just saying somethings just are not worth fighting over).