Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

9,961 Members

13,641 Posts

0 Online

BrooklynnMB 04/09/2015

My bf and I don't see each other often. I work nights and he works days so it just works out that way. And we do not live together. I know he cares about me, and I can talk to him about anything, when I tell him I have a rough day an have a hard time getting out of bed, he always says the right thing and checks with me the next day to see if I'm having a better day.

Yet, my needs are not being met. I don't see him often enough, and I cry almost everyday that seeing me twice a week is enough for him. It's not enough for me. I don't know what to do. I think part of the reason I'm still depressed is because this relationship is not where I want it to be. Yes, i have talked to him about it, and he says he wants to be together and he says well we work opposite shifts and we see each other when we can. I don't know. I don't feel like he's making as much of an effort to be together as I am. I feel like I'm just done. Let him chase me if he wants, but I'm sick of doing the chasing. I am sick of crying because I don't feel as loved as I know I deserve to be.

koolman 04/09/2015

What can I say...whoever loves the most hurts the most. Sympathies.

koolman 04/09/2015

The value one places on a relationship as being "good" or "bad" really stems from one's personal ego and of course how much one invests emotionally in the relationship as the road to happiness. Obviously he places work and making money as equal value as his relationship with you. Maybe you should do the same? Do you have creative hobbies, friendships, a job that you love or any other activities in this world that bring you pleasure?

OldCodger 04/09/2015

Unfortunately we rarely get from life what we are deserving of, particularly so if we are used to being taken advantage of. I have no immediate solution to your problem, I could hazard a guess mind you, but that would only be a 50-50 bet or worse. Continue to follow your nose then.

Lenoire 04/10/2015

I hate to say this but you do sound high maintenance dear. The more you push, the worse it will be. These things happen naturally, you can't force it. Oh and btw, you're the one working night shifts.

Aronia 04/10/2015

You have a supportive bf with a job. Opposite shifts are a problem and 2 days a week is actually pretty good for having such difference in schedules. Why are you so upset with him?
What is he not doing ?

onmymind2000 04/10/2015

Yet, my needs are not being met. I don't see him often enough, and I cry almost everyday that seeing me twice a week is enough for him.

I am sick of crying because I don't feel as loved as I know I deserve to be.

^ This says a lot.

onmymind2000 04/10/2015

Let me add, YOU need to look within YOURSELF to start loving YOU. You are waaaay too dependent on him and he is going to burn out trying to be your be all, end all.

NewBegin2012 04/11/2015

I guess this all depends on what you "both" want. I would tend to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe the replies you are getting on this post may to quick to form a judgement. Perhaps you are not high maintenance. Perhaps you are not needy. I don't know. Maybe you are. But only you can answer that question.

If you feel you are in a healthy place with yourself and you have good self esteem, then perhaps you should sit down with your bf and ask him if he wants to be with you more or if he is comfortable with the way things are.

If you "both" want to see each other more often then it is simply a matter of taking some action to make that happen. Someone would have to simply change the shift that they work on.

Join the Conversation