Hi Jenn...sounds like he is being pulled from all directions and has very little time to take care of his own needs and life.

If you are worrying about the relationship, do you have a specific worry...like you calling him? If you don't want the relationship to end, my only thought is to reframe from adding to his anxiety/problems with your own...if you do speak about problems also Build Into The Conversation Positive Steps Forward To Change The Situation...no one wants to hear the same ole same ole with nothing changing.

In the mean time when you do speak, ask him how you can best support him? What is a good time to call? so it's not right after work/visit with Mom...he'll be drained. Maybe send him a card instead of a phone call...we all like to get something besides bills in the mail! If he's a great cook...talk about food! a new recipe you created or tried from a cook book...maybe send him some home baked cookies :)

Where do you see this relationship going in the future...meaning after his mom passes? He doesn't want marriage and you don't care about that either....Think in terms of what you want, how you see your life with him. If you are happy with your life circumstances great, if not what can you do to change in order to promote a healthier relationship with him? Now/Future?

Think in the 'now' the past is gone, and we don't know our future, we have choice and we can plan for what will bring us a feeling a happy/hope....even though the days we are living day to day are hard..

Best of luck!!!

You have a lot of good ideas. I haven't told him my concerns but I did say I miss him. I think talking about food is a good idea. Maybe I should text him more than I call. That way he doesn't have to answer me right away.

Thank you for the input.

Could you go visit him?

How long ago did you two last see each other?

I think Omicron started.... 6 months ago.... I think?

He probably does have a lot on his plate. But, you two could still see each other. If you could drive to him, I think that would be a great idea and that wouldn't add any extra stress to him.

Make sure you have an active social life, outside of your boyfriend. Spend time with your friends, your family. Do your own hobbies. Keep yourself socially active and keep up with your own life.

His mother could live a long time... so you kind of need to find out if he would be traveling to see you at all. Like I said, if you could travel to him, that would be a good thing right now. Then you two could talk in person.

Stay busy with your own life! :-)

That's not a bad idea but he told me awhile back that he wasn't into drop ins. I would be afraid he think I was being to aggressive. I know I've been bothered, at times, by people dropping in. It's not for everyone.

I don't think it's really a drop-in if you two set it up ahead of time, and he knows when you are coming.

I will ask him when the mask mandate expires this month.

Zoom calls?
Planned Visit?
I really agree with GinCA....keep busy with your own life....think about what you'd like to be doing in 5 years? This guy might be nice for now, but what if????

I have a son who lives with me, he's going to be 26 in July, he has aspergers. I don't want to have him living with me for life...when I die he won't have anyone. I found an agency that has supportive living he's number 1 on the list...took almost a year....I want him to learn skills so he can live 'his own life' and I can live mine....just where I'm coming from as far as a 5 year plan.

Thank you.

Jen, something is off with this guy. You may be content to give him a bunch of excuses but it sounds like he truly doesn't want to see you in person. Sit with that awhile. You may just be a phone or text buddy. You say he has anxiety, which is fear based stuff. You like to think he will one day have time for you. OUCH, that sounds so pitiful. I realize he is busy but if he loved you and wanted to be with you, he'd be making time for that. Because being away from the one you love is a kind of sorrow and anxiety of itself. The person one loves is the person who fills our soul with joy and purposefully being away or not making time for someone is not a love relationship. He is very cool and you are very hot. A mismatch or you want more than he does.

I'd like to encourage you to flip the script and look at who he is and how he is. Maybe this is really a friend relationship not a love relationship. What would happen if you detach and let go and don't contact him or chase him. Examine things and decide if you are willing to be in the one down side of him needing you so much less than you need him. Let him text you, let him call is my advice. I wonder if this would slide into silence? I just don't think this is a mutual relationship. It sounds like you want him more than he wants you. Let him chase you for once.

How long have you been together ? How often do you talk? Girlincali is absolutely right because whenever I would get into a relationship my world revolved around my s/o and my current relationship is way different because we both have a life outside of each other. It’s such a amazing feeling too.

I would talk to him about how your feeling because a healthy relationship is where you can have a conversation about everything and anything ..

He might not be able to give you the things you need right now and you need to really ask yourself is this something I can deal with or is it a deal breaker ?

I agree that he has a ton on his plate... I have been a caregiver and it is exhausting and on top of that working a lot of overtime is a lot to deal with

Visiting might be a problem with a mom with cancer and Covid... I would be really protective if that was the case

I agree to ask for a frank conversation and also let him know that you're there to support him

If there are things that you want to ask there's nothing wrong with being honest sweetie

Big hug Jen... I hope that things work out well.... xo

We have been together for around 3 years. We used to talk everyday or every other day. I've been calling him more than he calls me. I agree. I think its over. What a shame. He was fun to be around.

That's really tough, Jen. People do change and sometimes they change for the worse. You are wise to really see this for what it is. Too often we sit with expectations and hope and just hold ourselves back from living our own good life. I've had friends who fall by the wayside at times, they can no longer be our constant companion or even once a month companion. This is a tough part of life. Take some time to remember and grieve.

thank you

Hi, it is quite normal to face issues such as yours in a long-distance relationship. With the increase n pandemic, the long-distance relationships to are increasing. As you have mentioned your boyfriend is doing overtime and maybe be quite stressed out as he is a person with anxiety too. In my opinion, try arranging a meetup between you both as soon as possible. Spending some quality time together with an open communication would surely resolve your problems.