Healthy Relationships Support Group
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Im having a bit of an issue here. And read this through before you judge!
My spouse and I have been together for 7 years. The last year has been hell but we are slowly getting things back on track. We still hit alot of snags but it's slowly getting there.
The issue is his best friend. Let me start off by saying we both have thought that maybe 'Scott' is gay. He is succesful, shows little interest in women and goes on vacations with a guy from university that no one has ever met. Regardless of that let me tell you about Scott.
When we all hang out together Scott listens to what I have to say, he does little things like get's me a drink if I mention I'm thirsty. Or I was sick once and he drove across the city to bring me cough meds (Hes a pharmacist). I left my scarf at his house and he washed it, ironed it (ding ding ding gay bell?) and returned it within 12 hours in case I got cold.
Generally Scott gives me what has been seriously lacking in my relationship. I have never pursued Scott and I never intend too.
But I feel guilty that I enjoy spending time with him. It's always us three, only on the odd occasion is it just Scott and I and that is only if he beats my spouse when they are meant to meet at the same place as I am.
What I want to know is how to I get my other half to show me the attention that Scott does? If the three of us are hanging out it is always Scott who does things for me. If I ask my other half to bring me a blanket down to the basement because I'm cold and we are watching a movie down there, it's Scott who brings it. But I want my other half to do it!! I want him to show me the attention I think he should in a relationship.
I think the reason I notice it so much in Scott is because I crave it so bad. Scott is just generally a nice guy, he's nice and attentive to most everyone I'd assume.
I don't want my other half to dote on me, but if he's in the kitchen and I ask nicely for a glass of water it would be nice to get one. Or if I am watching TV I would appreciate some consideration before he switches the channel in the middle of my show because he doesn't like it. If my other half gave me half of the attention Scott does we would be golden!!
I have told him I wish he would pay more attention to me....is there any other ways outside of this to get him to catch on to what I want?? What I need??
My spouse and I have been together for 7 years. The last year has been hell but we are slowly getting things back on track. We still hit alot of snags but it's slowly getting there.
The issue is his best friend. Let me start off by saying we both have thought that maybe 'Scott' is gay. He is succesful, shows little interest in women and goes on vacations with a guy from university that no one has ever met. Regardless of that let me tell you about Scott.
When we all hang out together Scott listens to what I have to say, he does little things like get's me a drink if I mention I'm thirsty. Or I was sick once and he drove across the city to bring me cough meds (Hes a pharmacist). I left my scarf at his house and he washed it, ironed it (ding ding ding gay bell?) and returned it within 12 hours in case I got cold.
Generally Scott gives me what has been seriously lacking in my relationship. I have never pursued Scott and I never intend too.
But I feel guilty that I enjoy spending time with him. It's always us three, only on the odd occasion is it just Scott and I and that is only if he beats my spouse when they are meant to meet at the same place as I am.
What I want to know is how to I get my other half to show me the attention that Scott does? If the three of us are hanging out it is always Scott who does things for me. If I ask my other half to bring me a blanket down to the basement because I'm cold and we are watching a movie down there, it's Scott who brings it. But I want my other half to do it!! I want him to show me the attention I think he should in a relationship.
I think the reason I notice it so much in Scott is because I crave it so bad. Scott is just generally a nice guy, he's nice and attentive to most everyone I'd assume.
I don't want my other half to dote on me, but if he's in the kitchen and I ask nicely for a glass of water it would be nice to get one. Or if I am watching TV I would appreciate some consideration before he switches the channel in the middle of my show because he doesn't like it. If my other half gave me half of the attention Scott does we would be golden!!
I have told him I wish he would pay more attention to me....is there any other ways outside of this to get him to catch on to what I want?? What I need??
Of course, as it later turned out, he just had some antisocial problems because of the way he was brought up.. Really sad.
It is so nice that he has a friend like Scott.. He must be a wonderful friend to your husband because of the way he treats you..
So when you explain to your husband in detail what you need, what does he say?
Part way through the marriage, I learned to do the things for her that she wanted, but the feeling was never there for me... stuff seems like a poor substitute for comfort. She never learned to give me what I wanted.
It sounds like your language of love is "acts of service" (is that the right one?) what language does your H speak?
Strugglinon....I used to pay his so much attention that he started to take it for granted. Basically I looked at myself and realized we were in more of a boss and slave situation then a relationship. I would do all the cleaning, all the cooking, work full time, do all the parenting and still rub his shoulders every night, ask about his day, cook his favorite meal (pot roast and I HATE pot roast) and be, uh, attentitive in the bedroom. It got to the point where he would come home, take off his boots and drop things where he pleased as I would pick them up, whine about what I cooked, whine about how I did the laundry, whine about how I dressed our daughter for the day and flounce down and expect me to rub him. I got tired of it and I told him it was bullshit that I wasn't getting anything in return. That I was tired of his whining that everything I do is wrong and that I should be the one to dote on him and never the other way around. Now I don't do his laundry, I cook whatever the hell I want, I occasionally rub his shoulders and sometimes I make him work his ass off in the bedroom department to get what he wants. lol A bit petty I know
Ariona, when I explain what I want he goes all yokel on me. You know, slack jawed, eyes glazed, body limp. Like you can tell he shut down and is only standing there to appease you....or maybe because in his current zombified state he forgot how to move his legs. Or else he turns it around and accuses me of being the one to not give him any attention so why should he give me any. When I point out I used to he remarks 'and things were better then' but he doesn't get it that they were only better for him!
Dave17 what are languages of love? I think his is if I serve him in everyway then and he allows me food and shelter lol
I'm just sort of tired of the uphill battle but I've never been one to let go easily because it feels to much like giving up!