This is Key for me anyway, Never get into a relationship unless you have
a healthy relationship with yourself,If this is not done no matter who you are with you will mirror unhealed areas in your own life back into the new relationship and it will take root and manifest once again,
So you must DoTheWork to Self Heal,Nurture and self partner with oneself
because the Most Profound relationship that you will ever have in this world
is with Yourself.
This is the Ultimate Healthy relationship that erects itself and Boldly protects
you and sets the Tone for all forthcoming relationships,

Healthy Relationships start with a Healthy relationship with yourself,

If you were in a prior relationship and trust was broken- and you did not break
it -the other person has the problem not you.Releasing the person that
broke the trust and the toxicity it caused is essential to self heal and fill
the bruised area within yourself replacing it with feelings of renewal,love,
light,Release the person and the past hurt and the mental vision of the
broken trust into the Universe where it belongs.The Universe then reciprocates this action if you do it correctly( releasing in a loving manner)
with closure so that any new relationships dont mirror your past one.


We overcome the thoughts of past events by choosing deep in our soul
saying to our self"You know Im going to let this whole scenario go and I am not going to hold the person that broke trust liable-cause they have their
own issues to fix,I am going to release what this person did Out of Me-to the
Universe.I am going to release pain that it caused in me, let it harbor in me No More,I release the thought /actions ,memories,pain back to you Universe,
I ask for these to be released with love and well wishes for this person that
this person may find joy and purpose themselves on their path/journey in this life.I will no longer own these Thoughts I open my arms and release it
all to you Universe.

When you make a commitment to yourself to do the releasing daily
you become stronger in your Healthy thoughts area,These thoughts dissipate .(The thoughts of if you want to be in a relationship)(How will I be able to show emotions again),Please do understand that being in a relationship
and showing emotions in the new relationship is normal,You just have to re-wire your mind to bypass/release the Unhealthy past traumas associated
with trust etc,When you release the unhealthy traumas from your past experiences you are recreating new healthy socket areas that are being replenished and restored for your new encounter,

Every new face is not your past people that you has encountered,

Beautiful Bright you- this is the focus,Healthy non tarnished,non blemished,

You have the right to Throw these mental Imposters that invade and
clutter your mind,You are not your past,your mental is not your past,

As I stated earlier- doing the self healing work within to cleanse and finally
purge out these haunting memories once and for all brings you to a
healthier place daily and you will without a doubt know when you are
so simply refreshed within and ready to invite all new relationships to blossom and flourish,So no you dont have to Learn to Open yourself
back up again-you just need to Self Partner with yourself to get yourself
back to Wholeness-everything else will just happen as your natural default.
Pouring love back into yourself by loving on yourself and speaking healthy
affirmations into yourself is how you self partner,Restore within and all shall
be Restored without.

These are my thoughts maybe others feel different. Nice questions.

well answered, thanks so much

Yikes!!!! I've invested decades of therapy on those very questions, and I am still confused with no easy answers. Each of my relationships is its own unique complex weave. What works in one situation won't work in another. Where's my "Relationships For Dummies" book?

The closest I've come to global simplicity on the relationship score is to take each of my relationships one smile at a time.

thats true they are each different but i have 3 total relationship my whole 29 years of being around and they all some what ended up being they same in some sort of way.with the cheating and lieing and useing .....ive only been with like 8 girls total my whole life but can only count 3 as a relationship tho like being with the person more than a year...my last relationship lasted 12 yrs i was to blind to end it sooner but as soon as i got clean things started coming out and i could see what was going on, so i ended it my first relationship lasted 4 years 5th grade on up to 9th grade, same things going on in that one as well Maybe im what the old west would have called "Snake bitten". IDK

I agree that first you have to get some help to have a healthy relationship with you sweetie

A lot of relationship behaviour comes from the inside out..... Big hug.....xo

thanks

Healthy Relationships are a balance of two people's needs/wants.

My two cents, and yes I talk too much.


Online is easy. Because if I'm tired, I just shut off the computer. If I type something angry, I can just backspace it and it all goes away before I hit "send".

Real life...the kids want things when I'm tired, or committed to something else, or absorbed in a game/tv show/what I'm reading/whatever. I want things when they're tired or committed to something else or absorbed in a game/tv show/what I'm reading/whatever.

Healthy realtionships don't only meet my needs. Don't only meet theirs. But are a balance between the two.


Real life...means that you'll likely run into each others "triggers" repeatedly over the years.


Classic issues are time, affection, sex, money, work outside the home, chores inside the home.

Someone with OCD may check the locks 4 hours a day. If they're checking locks instead of making dinner...that is a conflict between two people's wants/needs. But maybe it's not OCD. Maybe they're playing video games 4 hours, or at the bar, or messing around in the garage, or getting their nails done, or going for a run, or reading a book. One person's coping method can run into taking time away from another person's "need".

Classic relationship issues are devaluing the Other Partners "needs" and minimizing the time it takes to complete the chores that the Other Partner is doing. (Isn't that dinner done yet? Car fixed? Oil changed? Laundry done? Bills paid?)

Online support can be great, but since we're only hearing One Side...it can be easy to cycle dysfunction.

***My ex did that. He went to the bar and complained about me. Patti's doing this, not doing that. Guess what...they ALL agreed with him. No shit.***

Healthy Relationships TALK to each other and find solutions to the balance. Your partner's opinion should matter more than mine or anyone else in your life. But it has to be two way.

For me the most important thing in a healthy relationship is communication and friendship. My longest relationships have been with people I was friends with first. And open and honest communication, with others and with OURSELVES, is so important. Each relationship is unique and each one will evolve and change, so you must be able to be honest about your needs and expectations, and you must be able to work out problems and kinks.

I think it's very important to work through your past pains before moving on. On an emotional level, you need healing. On a mental level, you need to do some reflection. Pick apart each situation--because each one is different--and ask yourself what did you do, what did they do? What worked and what didn't? What were the signs, if they were at fault? You can't blame yourself for what others did to you, but you can learn.

This is hypocritical of me because I've never seen a councelor, but some form of therapy could help you work through what happened in the past so you can look to a brighter future.

I think it's very, very important to believe in the future. Many people out there have happy, healthy relationships. Don't give up on love. Each situation is unique, as I said. Each person you meet is not the person you've met before.

All that reflection and healing will help. Also, baby steps. I wish all the best for you my friend. Hugs!

im no longer in the relationship. Being cheated on and lied to everyday ....yea there is no talk left for that...... and it went on the whole relationship and her side lol it was always im not doing nothing everytime she would get caught and i was so numb that i didnt see the lies for 12 years. Even when i went to prison all the calls and letters lies cause she was layed up in bed with her sons friend they tried telling it happened but like a dumbass i stayed until her daughter sent a msg saying " if you dont let me spend time with my boyfriend ill tell scotty about you and brad and the other when he was locked up" Then she told me her self so yea thats done and over with with no more us. And just because your "ex" done it to you doesnt mean all cases are like that. And for talk i would have had a better conversation with a dog than i would had her it was like talking to a wall, All my plans yea i get told there never happen or the promises never kept.

yea that sums that up ...... Things of that matter and how to get over the effects of the mental stress and worries that causes is kinda what kind of advice im looking for.


Thanks tho,

The way you came at it is how just about everyone has done and then she ended up being a fake victim, Shes all about drama and attention and ive not seeked no more help because of that until now.

i do agree about it has to be two ways cause if its only one way trying and the other not attempting anything then i do agree it would not be healthly at all and it wasnt.

I just want to over come the fear of deception and fear of not meeting the rite person and end up in the boat i was in before but ive came along way in the last 6yrs of it, I got clean, seeked mental help , attending anger management , IOP classes which i still attend to help stay clean but alot has happened over the last 6 yrs that has made a big impact on me.

Trust is a huge issue for me...I keep struggling with it. Learning to trust again and still keeping enough guard up not to get taken advantage of is huge. What Patti said was very spot on...and well said. Hugs

Be really happy and comfortable with who you are, and then know your boundaries, limits and deal breakers when it comes to others. When you have that healthy mindset makes it easier to identify shitty people, places and things. You kind of gravitate towards other healthy people and they gravitate towards you.

I have no idea. I haven’t been able to master the whole relationship thing.

me either

Hey I have been in my relationship for almost 18 years. It’s all a work
in progress. Anyone who says they got it all figured out all the time, I find hard to believe.

rite