Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
I'm in a relationship and my girlfriend and I have been living together for 6 months.
We almost never fight, but I actually am now begining to feel this is worse than fighting. The reason is, whenever I bring up anything that bothers me it seems to agitate her and she changes the subject. Lately, my feelings towards her have been changing.
Now my question is this... Should I be worried or concerned that my girl is going to Work parties about once a month? The thing is.. I've been cheated on before, so my guard is up.
She's a good girl, in school, loves animals, and is an indepentdant woman. Very strong ego.
Whenever were together she doesn't really care about how she looks. Never using make up, eye liner, rarely shaves her legs (not horrible but maybe once a week?)
Yet.. I can't help feel insulted that when she goes to these parties, she goes from 10pm-3am in the morning. Spends two hours preparing for the party. Shower, shaves, eye liner, make up, she looks totally transformed. Straightens her hair, keeps checking the mirror... ect.
Do I have a right to feel insulted, should I worry about this? Like I said, even when we both go to a party or go out she never, and I mean never puts any effort in it.
My thoughts are, there has to be a reason she is trying to look soo good. Think I'm over thinking it, or could I be on to something>?
And yeah yeah... try talking to her, I already mentioned this whole situation last party, but she didnt think much of it and obviously did the same. I always compliment her and what not, but I was so agitated yesterday that every 5 minutes she was checking on something, I said nothing.
Can I have some women perspectives please?
We almost never fight, but I actually am now begining to feel this is worse than fighting. The reason is, whenever I bring up anything that bothers me it seems to agitate her and she changes the subject. Lately, my feelings towards her have been changing.
Now my question is this... Should I be worried or concerned that my girl is going to Work parties about once a month? The thing is.. I've been cheated on before, so my guard is up.
She's a good girl, in school, loves animals, and is an indepentdant woman. Very strong ego.
Whenever were together she doesn't really care about how she looks. Never using make up, eye liner, rarely shaves her legs (not horrible but maybe once a week?)
Yet.. I can't help feel insulted that when she goes to these parties, she goes from 10pm-3am in the morning. Spends two hours preparing for the party. Shower, shaves, eye liner, make up, she looks totally transformed. Straightens her hair, keeps checking the mirror... ect.
Do I have a right to feel insulted, should I worry about this? Like I said, even when we both go to a party or go out she never, and I mean never puts any effort in it.
My thoughts are, there has to be a reason she is trying to look soo good. Think I'm over thinking it, or could I be on to something>?
And yeah yeah... try talking to her, I already mentioned this whole situation last party, but she didnt think much of it and obviously did the same. I always compliment her and what not, but I was so agitated yesterday that every 5 minutes she was checking on something, I said nothing.
Can I have some women perspectives please?
Most women, I think, are nurturers at heart. On some level, we need our men to share their fears and frustrations with us, so we can comfort and encourage them. Sometimes, a man gets into a funk, and you have to remind him why you love him, and why he should love himself. But, while that's a job I'm happy to do for the man I love, it takes energy. If he's always down on himself, a girl eventually starts to shut him out. It's a defense mechanism. We don't like hearing awful things about our men, especially coming FROM our men. It hurts.
Look for the good in yourself. You've been clean for eight months, and that takes a strong character. I've spent fifteen minutes reading your posts on a website, and I've found something in you worth loving. I'm sure there's alot more.
Anyways,with being clean the last month. Ive been trying very hard to work on my self respect, and not getting depressed.
I'm working on it, it's very difficult. Just by reading your posts it gives me strength.
Thank you Jole, and debmitch... and everyone else.
I think one of my biggest gifts and flaws is my pattion for things. I grew up with only my mother so sadly... I guess it rubbed off on me. Just being honest with myself, trying my hardest to learn from my mistakes.
Just want to be successful, and in a relationship with my love one
I wish you the best in your recovery and self discovery. Blessings,
Work out, exercise, and go to some parties yourself, preferrably WITHOUT her! I'm afraid she's already left you, or left you BEHIND, in favor of her new, more interesting lifestyle (college and parties).
I suggest exercise groups in your local area. Try meetup.com. It's free; you just sign up, RSVP if you can make it to a particular event, and show up!
I ride bike with a bunch of people and it's a blast. I also go to a park with a lake where young people are waterskiing and it's also a blast. When it's cold, bowling or indoor swimming. Exercise, sports...
I can very much understand how u feel.
For one, she is driving and you are not.
I depended on others driving for years, and it has a HUGE impact on your self esteem.
My therapist told me.....with dependency......anger is sure to follow.
First things first (lol)
Your sobriety is the most important thing in your life. Without it, most other aspects will fail.
So.....keep on top of your program. Get to meetings. Connect with like-minded friends in your program. Get spiritual.
You need to focus on you.
Positive things for you and your life....WITHOUT INCLUDING HER!
Whether its painting, running, hunting, WHATEVER!